Wedding
Where to start? The lead up to the wedding was pretty hectic. In Thailand invitations should be hand delivered by both couples and so hours were spent sitting in traffic trying to give out invitations to people who often weren't even in. Although we were just trying to have a standard wedding, the whole thing was quite costly and more and more costs seemed to continuously appear. During all this time the money that the Australian Army owes me failed to appear. Money I was expecting from the State Trustees didn't come and of course the numerous people that owe me money didn't pay. At one stage I had only 20 Baht left. My Mum had already given me some money to help pay the deposit for the hotel, but eventually I had to beg for more money from friends. Luckily Grant and Brett were able to help me out with a substantial loan. Still the cost kept growing and at the same time the house we were renting was sold and we also had to find a new place to live. Nothing was available to rent, but we eventually did find a place that we could buy, the deposit was almost affordable and the owners said we could pay the rest later in the year. So that was arranged. It is quite a nice place too.
Anyway lots of other things were happening too, but you get the gist of it. Although I have lost track of the cost of the wedding, I think it must have cost around Aus$5000 - 6000. That is about half my yearly income and almost 2 years of Kanchana's or an average Bangkok person. This is ridiculous. We were not having an extravagant wedding. How can a young Thai couple (who don't have the opportunity to earn money in Australia like me) possibly afford this? I can't afford it. What a stupid burden society puts on young couples. Somewhere in here, Nick helped with some money also.
Anyway I went away to Chiang Rai with the Australian volunteers and had a great trip and was forced to forget about all this for a while. That was nice. When I returned to Bangkok, the Army money was still not in my bank (almost 6 months after I did the work for them). I still didn't have any where near enough to pay for the wedding.
Also when I returned Kanchana's mum seemed to be avoiding me. I found out later that Vava had found her in my room showing a friend of hers all my clothes and stuff and gossiping about me. Supposedly she was now scared I was going to throw her out. Anyway that provided me an amusing little break between getting home and then going to the airport to pick up my mum and brothers. I took them to the "free" accommodation that I had booked with my Thai air points only to find out that free was actually quite expensive. I then took them home, but my mum looked very tired and unhappy. Some of my other friends started arriving too and there were some issues with the booking of their accommodation but everything sort of worked out.
Lots more rushing around buying gold and clothes for the children and spending more money. Again I was almost totally out of money even after we had cancelled some of the things we wanted to buy for the wedding. Some wedding gifts had started arriving by then though and so we used them to keep us going. Thais generally give money as a gift at a wedding and so I tried to work out if we would have enough from guests to pay for the hotel. It wasn't looking too good.
The afternoon and night before the wedding was one of the few good moments of the process. Lots of people came to my house and we had dinner. Finally my mum seemed to be relaxing and enjoying herself and also the others seemed to be having fun. Boun Savat and Boun Thavee arrived and were very helpful when Kanchana and I were trying to give everyone dinner, which was very nice. It was also very good to catch up with everyone (sorry I am too lazy to write everyone's names). Speaking of lazy, Kanchana's Mum's sister had also arrived and in contrast to the two Boun's the two sisters (Kanchana's Mum and her sister) did nothing at all to assist but instead just sat on their fat arses stuffing their faces, gossiping loudly and watching the TV with the sound turned up as loud as possible. Surely they could see Kanchana was very busy and could have really used some help. I really can't understand why they are so lazy. Oh, we were also in the middle of packing and moving while all this is happening.
Anyway, that was a good night and I enjoyed that. After everyone left I took the two Boun's to my room to find some clothes for them to wear. That was fun too as nothing of mine fitted, but we picked some stuff anyway. Nice to be around some down to earth people. Kanchana and I then packed and got everything ready and got to bed after midnight some time. No help from Kanchana's mum or her sister although some of Kanchana's cousins are very helpful.
We got up the next morning at about 0450. Showered and dressed and Kanchana went to get her hair done while I went to find some food to give to monks. I waited next to the shop where Kanchana was getting her hair done and when a monk came passed, we presented him with food and drink and were blessed. Then back to the house to get everything else ready. Again no help from Kanchana's older relatives and everything was quite rushed and difficult. I eventually had to get out of my sweat soaked clothes and have another shower at around 0745. Finally Kanchana was ready and we left at about 0830.
Oh, I checked the internet before we left and the Army said they would consider paying me in about 2 weeks. But, another large loan from Colonel Doug Knight had arrived and so I finally had enough to pay for the wedding (on the morning of the wedding).
We were supposed to be greeting people at the hotel at 0830 and we had already heard that my mother was already there and had been waiting a while. There was some confusion with cars and I packed my camera and some stuff in our car although we were actually driven by Kanchana's friend Juk. So I didn't have my camera at the reception. As Juk was driving us off in the car she had prepared for the bride and groom, one of Kanchana's mum's sisters stopped us. She refused to get a taxi to the hotel and insisted on shoving her fat arse on the seat next to us. So we had to sit squashed in the car with my head bumping against the side door. She talked loudly most of the way there to ensure I couldn't have a chance to discuss anything with Kanchana. Both of us were already pretty exhausted and it wasn't even 0900 yet. Despite that I sat in the car and tried to mentally prepare to be happy and cheerful at the wedding. I want Kanchana to have a good wedding and the guests to be happy and to look at us as a good and happy couple.
We arrived and walked into the room. Immediately people swamped Kanchana and asked her questions or told her to go here or there. She didn't have a chance to answer anyone and couldn't really hear what was going on as 2 or 3 people with different opinions on how a wedding should occur would talk at once. Supposedly this is some people's idea of helping, but it pretty much destroyed any chance of me being calm and happy at my wedding. Eventually the hotel employee who was organising things managed to get a few words in and the ceremony got under way. But I was never given any chance to great my friends and family and my poor mum just had to go along with things as best she could with no idea of what she was supposed to do.
We paid respects to our mum's and Kanchana's boss' and gave gifts to our mum's and I gave Kanchana a gold ring, bracelet and necklace and she gave me a gold ring. People interfered during that process also and took lots of pictures and demanded that I smile. I did not. Telling me to smile is like telling me what to think. I will smile and be happy when I feel like it and not on demand from other people. Occasionally I tried to forget about the other people and concentrate on Kanchana and enjoy the time with her, but it was difficult.
I know people are trying to help and many of them maybe care about Kanchana and I and want us to have a good wedding and good pictures, but I really don't like being told what to do and how to feel. I also don't like it when people who haven't bothered to help us before, all of a sudden are our best friends and supposedly have the power to order us around.
We went and paid respects to the statue of Buddha although I did not have the Buddha, his teachings or the Buddhist community in mind when doing it, I was just going through the motions as demanded by the ceremony. We then had our hands washed and good luck wished to us by everyone and my mum placed the string connecting us on our heads. I sort of liked that bit as I could talk to Kanchana a bit and also to individuals as they came up to wash our hands. Lots more pictures were taken of us, as if we were a zoo exhibit and then it was over. Or so we thought. Before I had much of a chance to talk to my family and friends we needed to say goodbyes to people and then more pictures were taken with us.
I wasn't able to be a good host at all and talk to my family or friends and I wasn't allowed to have any control of my wedding. I really want to be positive about it. I really want to give Kanchana a good wedding. But realistically the wedding has been a massive cost that we cannot afford right now and it has not been for us at all. It has been for other people. Although I am not sure exactly who the whole thing has been for.
Anyway, I am writing this in the break between the morning ceremony and the evening dinner, in an attempt to get things sorted in my head and some of my feelings out. (My actual feelings, not the ones I am being told to have). I hope the dinner is good and even if it is not it will be over soon. I think we will have some good pictures and I hope people have had a good or at least an interesting experience. Sorry I couldn't have helped and spent more time with people and sorry that I looked so exhausted and unhappy at times. But to be honest, I was. Why try to hide that and pretend otherwise? To do so is dishonest and is only going to perpetuate the stupidity that is wedding ceremonies all around the world.
I do love Kanchana and her family (although some less than others) and I do plan that we will have a good life together (after we recover from the cost of the wedding). I also do thank everyone for coming and for all the gifts and the assistance that has been given to us and I hope everyone is happy and has a good life.
Oh, thankyou again to the people who gave very generous gifts and loans. I hope when reading this, you realise how helpful you have been to us. Also I want to especially note this, as I have written some pretty negative stuff in here about some people and the overall wedding ceremony thing, but there should also be a strong message that many people are very kind, generous and helpful and without them we couldn't get through some parts of our lives. I will be sure to repay your generosity to you or other people in need when I can (although also try to ensure I keep enough for my new family and I).
See ya
Paul
Oh, sorry the photos are not in order in this and the next travel pod. I am just putting them somewhere as I find some pictures
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