Stuck in the middle. What should I do?

Trip Start Oct 08, 2007
Trip End Dec 16, 2008

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Flag of Thailand  , Bangkok,
Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Laying on a sleeping bag in my wrinkled fisherman's shorts and a bra that needs a good washing. Staring at the sealing fan, sweating. It is not really that hot anymore, just very humid. The sleeping bag is spread out on top of the hardest bed I've ever laid on. It doesn't really have a mattress, just a wooden box covered with fabric and a clear plastic to protect the fabric from I-don't-want-to-know what. The bed is placed in the corner by the window of a rather large freshly repainted white room on the second floor of a mouse infested guest house off, off Khao San Road, Bangkok. The windows are facing the beer garden. The bar downstairs is playing Bosa Nova. The music streams through the tight mosquito net over the wide open window and mixes with the floating air. Not sure if there is a draft, or it is the sealing fan that sends streams of mild air that spills over my body and cools my skin. The light is dimming faster than you'd think. I have a vision of a plant that grows, blossoms and fades away, matching the speed of the fading light. My thoughts are nowhere to be found. I'm at piece with the Universe.
In the morning I'll give it a second try for a Chinese visa.  


I get up at 6am the next morning to claim my spot towards the beginning of the line in front of the Chinese Consulate.  The lady at the counter tells me to come back on Friday to receive my visa. Second time lucky! Thrilled beyond words I head to the near by internet cafe to check my email. First thing I see when I logg in is Yhaoo's headline news  - devastating earthquake in Sichuan. My plans evaporate like a morning mist. China remains elusive and unattainable. I see myself from a distance - I tiny dot on the world map, South East Asia, Central Thailand, Eastern Bangkok. No purpose, no plan, no real reason to be here, or anywhere else. For first time in many, many years, I'm not sure what to do...or why.  
Coffee, Skyping Kety, second coffee, noodles at a street stall, haircut, shopping, a Japanese burger and a cocktail in a go-go girls bar with an OZ guy I meet at the mall. The picture has not improved very much. Let's see if I get the visa at all. I did make it very clear on my application form that I'm planning a trip to Sichuan.
WORLD CHANGE STARTS WITH EDUCATED CHILDREN! Give a girl the life long gift of education! Support my appeal 100 GIRLS BACK TO SCHOOL! Donate at:
Your money goes directly to ROOM TO READ (!
Hugs & Kisses, Vik
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