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Doi Suthep- Part XI: Floating Then Falling
Entry 23 of 33 | show all | print this entry |
After two weeks at Wat Phra That Doi Suthep, I was finally making serious progress. My sessions now consisted of fifty minutes of walking followed immediately by fifty minutes of sitting, but the time seemed to just fly by. When I was nagged by a persistent thought or feeling, I was now able to gently acknowledge it with a smile and put it aside. My metta, or "lovingkindness", practice was helping me open up the natural generosity and compassion of my heart, allowing me to wish happiness to all beings, especially myself.
I added standing and lying meditation to my repertoire and completed my training in the twenty-eight touching points, a vipassana technique in which you learn to feel specific pinpoints in your body using only your mind. With practice, I was even able to touch all twenty-eight points at once, creating a buzzing sensation through my entire body. Although I was experiencing more and more pain in my back and hips from seven hours of daily practice, I had mastered six-step walking meditation and had even made peace with the evil waterwheel.
Oh, yeah....and I learned how to float.
OK, if you want to get technical about it, I wasn't actually defying the laws of gravity. The funny thing is that when your body repeats the same exact movements over and over again - hour after hour, day after day, week after week - muscle memory kicks in and takes over. I had been practicing my walking meditation so much that my legs just began rising and moving on their own, to extremely precise heights and distances, simply by thinking about my trigger words, like "rising" and "moving". It was definitely Pavlovian and, I gotta say, it was pretty frigging cool.
So, when I walked into the report room on my two-week anniversary, I was feeling pretty damned good about myself. After sitting down, Teacher told me that the last four days of my training at Doi Suthep would be spent in a phase called Determination. He said that while Determination wouldn't begin for a few more days, he liked people to have some time to absorb what was entailed.
Uh, oh, I thought. This does not sound good.
Over the last four days of my meditation training, Teacher said, there would be three new rules.
"Rule number one. No speaking."
No problem, I thought. I've barely uttered a word over the past two weeks, anyway. To facilitate the process, he said, I would be confined to my room during the daylight hours so I wouldn't see anyone. The kitchen would bring my food to me ("Room service!", I thought excitedly) and occasional bathroom breaks were indeed permissible.
"Rule number two. No showering."
Piece of cake, I thought. I've gone more than two weeks without showering during my back-country camping days. He clarified that I could brush my teeth and wash my face and hands, but that allowing water to run from the top of my body to the bottom would dilute the impact of Determination.
This isn't going to be so bad, I started to think.
"Rule number three," he said. "No sleeping."
Awkward pause.
"Ummm....I think we might have a little translation problem here," I said. "Because in English, what you just said was no SLEEPING for four days. As in, no closing your eyes and lying down at the end of the day."
"Yes," Teacher calmly replied. "Four days. No sleeping."
Longer, even more awkward pause.
"Ummm....yeah," I warbled. "I didn't see that anywhere in the retreat brochure."
Teacher explained to me that his students always worried about rule number three ("Gee, really?" I thought. "Duh!!"). He said that when the body goes to sleep, the mind is no longer being trained to exist in the present moment. By not sleeping for four days - three successive nights, really - I would be able to experience a much deeper meditative state.
Like a coma, I thought.
He added that it was OK if, during Determination, I found myself slipping into unintentional cat naps during my sitting sessions. Teacher said that this was characteristic of intense periods of concentration. I thought about telling him that it probably had nothing with to do with concentration, and that after a few nights without sleep, I could take a nice little nap hanging upside down from the ceiling rafters and being feather-tickled by Victoria's Secret models. But I decided not to argue the point.
After our report session ended, the rest of my day was complete chaos. Fear and doubt came rushing back with renewed strength. I couldn't concentrate for more than two minutes without being overwhelmed with worry that I wasn't going to be able to do this, and that would mean that I failed. During my walking meditation, I was still floating, but it felt more like falling now. I had questions, like what would it be like spending nineteen waking hours without any solid food? And how would I cope with being away from the sunlight for four straight days?
The next day, after the initial shock wore off, I slowly became more comfortable with the idea. After all, it was called Determination, not Half-Assed Effort. It was meant to be challenging, and the more I thought about it, the more I felt ready. This is where my training had been leading me. This was why I flew halfway across the world to meditate on a mountain. There was no way I was going to let a little thing like sleep deprivation stop me now.
That Saturday night, I settled into bed for a last good night of sleep for a few days. I felt a little nervous and a little excited. But mostly, I felt determined.
Coming Soon- Part XI: The Breakthrough
Latest Comments (2)
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seriously... (reply)
Feb 22, 2008 14:26 EST by kristen77
Your interjected thoughts while talking to His Holiness made me lose my s**t! My favorite had to be sleeping upside down while feather-tickled. Love it!!! Honestly, PLEASE publish this as a book, if not for Borders, simply for the people that are reading this and enjoying it so much and wish to share this hilarity with family/friends! :-)
And by the way, I can't WAIT to hear about Determi... show all
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I'm on the edge of my seat! (reply)
Feb 20, 2008 15:28 EST by germo
Who would believe that I would be on the edge of my seat, impatiently waiting to read about 3 days spent meditating?! Great stuff, my friend. I am having such a wonderful time reading your blog that I can't imagine what I will do when your trip is done.
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| 23. | Doi Suthep- Part XI: Floating Then Falling - Bangkok, Thailand Feb 19, 2008 (  2 ) |
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