"Wat" the Hell Am I Thinking?!?
Trip Start
Dec 29, 2007
1
2
33
Trip End
Mar 10, 2008
New York City,
New York,
United States
Friday, December 28, 2007
When I arrive in Thailand, I'll be staying at Awana House, a guesthouse just a block away from the Tae Pae gate in Chiang Mai for four nights before checking into Wat Phra That Doi Suthep for my meditation study. I'm really excited, but admittedly, a single thought has been creeping into my consciousness over the past few weeks....WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING??
I mean, really! I love my life in Baltimore- my friends, my family, my home. The consulting business is starting to pick up steam, and I'm enjoying my work. So, I have to ask myself..."Self?....Why exactly are you flying to the other side of world in order to be deprived of food, sleep, and friends for a month??".
Naturally, this was bound to happen sooner or later. Whenever you make a choice to challenge what you've come to know as comfortable, those insidious characters that Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about in "Eat Pray Love" -- Fear and Doubt -- always seem to show up to second-guess your decision. "Why bother changing anything?", they say. "Why rock the boat? Why risk losing what you already have?".
This, of course, is when I put Fear in a headlock while giving Doubt a sharp bitchslap to the face (hey, I know that isn't what a Bodhisattva does, but I haven't reached enlightenment yet!). And I answer: "Yes, I know. Change can be really scary sometimes, especially when you're leaving behind everything and everyone you've known your whole life. But I have earned the right to have an adventure. I owe it to myself to experience this. I love myself. And whatever happens, I will never...ever....regret this."
So many of you have been incredibly supportive of my decision to spend a month meditating in a Buddhist wat, and I'm so grateful. And I thought I owed it you to tell you that this trip scares the living hell out of me. And that's what's motivating me to do it. Because I don't know what I'll find in the deep, dark recesses of my mind, and I'm more than a little curious. It might be a rudimentary state of enlightenment, but it might also be a psychotic break! And how am I supposed to know the difference??
As I'm traveling over the North Pole tomorrow en route to Southeast Asia (with an open bar for the entire flight, by the way...it's the ONLY way to fly!), I'll be sending out metta- lovingkindness- to each and every one of you for the New Year. May you find the happiness and love you deserve.
Peace,
Steve
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Comments
So exciting Steve!
What a great time of year to take on an adventure, soul search--the beginning of a new year. It will no doubt change your life--and isn't that great? We can all use a shake up now and then. You have many wonderful discoveries in store for you--like I have said before, you will live a thousand lives over these next couple of months--both internally and externally. Can't wait to hear more.
Love, Lo
Your Adventure
I'm not sure I could do what you're doing, Steve, but I admire you for doing it. I hope it's a great experience for you. Love, Pops
fear or faith
steve, ok, i just figured out how to respond. this is it. living at your edge will introduce you to many more expansive aspects and liberate the steve steve thinks he is, what a great privelage you have to do this. give it all you can muster and then give it more!
enjoy and be safe you sage you
love
tania
Now that your going out into the world, there's so
Good luck. The Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it.
ESSJAY reformation?
Steve,
You have all my best wishes for this endeavor.
May it refine and reform your beloved 'ESSJAY-ness' to a revised take on life.
I'm confident that it will turn out well. I've never known someone who's done something similar say, 'Well, that sucked and I never should have done it.' I hear that about relationships, marriages, business endeavors and efforts to relive a lost youth with a weekend of touch football - but not this sort of trip and experience. I'm looking forward to these updates and getting the full deal at the next reunion.
ciao chamma! Bon Voyage!
Edith
PS. While over the North Pole I trust you told Santa that the Orioles have been a very good team this year and he should reward them with a winning season (though not so winning to best the Sox).
Missing you already
You are so fabulous! Although this would not be my choice of adventure, I've always been sorry thast I didn't volunteer for the Peace Corps when I was young and healthy. On the other hand, had I done that after college, I never would have met your father and thus no you. Have a great experience.
Love you, Mommo
Don't be Jack Handy
Steve,
Harness the energy you are wasting worrying about this trip so that it can be used to bolster this experience you have begun. Reading about this adventure, beginning, and experience you have undertaken, I will not be able to fully appreciate your findings, but will try to imagine them as best I can. Enjoy it, relish it, and fully experience what there is to explore. As I type this you should be on your way across the polar cap, as you say, wave to the penguins for me.
-Getto