Cochabamba,
Bolivia
Sunday, October 19, 2008
This week was the big start. The new daycare project that I am involved in here opened on Monday with 8 kids under 5. We had lots of help and it was still crazy. I had given up on having everything the way we wanted, but things looked pretty good. The first morning I am learning that kids that are sick dont stop crying, wont let you take their temperture and scream when you try and give them medicine to make them feel better. What a change from my previous employment with mostly unconcious adults. I am a rookie all over again. I made it to the third day in the week and realized I was feeling miserable. I consulted the pediatrician that is working with our daycare project, since I dont have a doctor here and didnt have the energy to find one I trusted. With swollen pusy tonsils, swollen gums and ulcers on my soft palate, I got sent home with the diagnosis of a kid virus, and spent the next couple days sleeping and miserable taking large amounts of ibprofen, tylenol and not being able to eat. Turns out the nurse isnt very good at taking care of herself, I was crying for my mom at several points, quite pathetic actually. Some good time to think in my bed while I was doing nothing. One is that they did survive the rest of the week without me. I am not indispensible. One thing I am wondering is if I am really needed in this job. My boss thinks a nurse is absolutely essential and there has not been any interest from anyone else. He says he is going to blockade the airport and not let me leave if I havent bought my return ticket to come back in january. I think everyone wants to be indispensible but maybe very few are. Which brings me to my point. What am I doing here? I used to think my job was to fight suffering. But as a nurse, if thats how I am measuring myself, my sucess, I am always going to be a failure. Cause people are going to suffer and die, regardless of what I do. So I am trying to figure out what my job is for. To be life, to protect life, to be part of a team that provides life. I really like that. I want to do that for a long time.
I will try to write more, I want to feel more connected to home.
Comments
To be present
Hi Katie, I just read your latest?? entry. I'm wondering if I missed something because it said Oct 12 and that was a month ago. Anyway, I just read a very good book DANGEROUS SURRENDER and in it the author speaks of the Gift of Presence. She goes to India to serve the poor and while in Mother Teresa's Home for the Dying she found that after being overwhelmed by the great need, the one thing she had in her power to offer was - her presence.
'Of all the gifts that God could give us, he gave the greatest one - he gave us himself. Now he expects us to do the same for others.'
'But this precious treasure - this light and power that now shine within us - is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own.' 2 Corinthians 4:6-7
'Accepting Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord means that he comes to live within me. So I don't offer a new and improved 'me'; I offer HIM. When I enter a room or any situation, I bring him with me because he lives inside of me.'
Katie you have within you what it takes to bring relief, hope and comfort to everyone you meet. Your final comment was awesome and this is what I thought of when you said you love being a part of a team who brings life.
Hope you are doing well. Love you, Barb