Koh Pha Ngan
Trip Start
Sep 29, 2006
1
3
24
Trip End
Sep 28, 2007
Koh Pha Ngan,
Thailand
Saturday, October 7, 2006
The country also has a definate obsession with homosexuality. In Bangkok (which in itself is relevant "Bang Cock") I stayed in the Bangalapho (pronounced bang-le-poof) district. So my completely non-suggestive next stop of Kanchanaburi was a bit of an oddity. Kanchanburi encompassed a ride in an extremely sparse train (no windows and attacking bushes either side!), oddly decorated caves, and the odd unplanned river snake. Think annorexic thomas-the-tank engine meets prehistoric Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen special, changing rooms
awesome island off coast of khao phag nan
. Perhaps all sponsored by Gucci snake handbags.Next was a 12 hour sleeper train. The toilets can only be likend to "The Excorcist". I don't mean horrific. I mean walk-in-on-your-grandparents-at-it-with-whipped-cream-and-a-gimp-suit. Bad. Really Bad. The lightly fried Jimmy Cricket and Mr Toad I had eated earlier (which in film terms is equivallent to "The Sound of Music; all happy as larry at the time but you know that bloody tune is going to haunt you for weeks to come. In my case it was Jimmy's legs lodged in my throat for two days) did not make a return sequel. But it was bastard close.Thomas was a bit loud, but comfy so jacking into some Eagle Eyed Cherry on me Ipod was in order. I forgot I had purchased some asian music* from a street vendor which was recorded at 3 times the volume of anything else on there. Perhaps it was the Chang but more likely it was the speed at which i hit my head on the ceiling as I sat bolt upright to the 120decibel happy hardcore vs. bollywood "music", but I slept like a baby. arse down. Its still Thailand you know.
Khao Phag Nan (read Phag;Fag - back in theme then) is an incredible Island and coule be likened to the film "The Beach". Namely because parts of the shots were taken there. The full-moon party is 10,000 people or so, hammered on a beach
death railway & rainforest
. We took a water taxi to get there along with 40 illegals (Think Titanic 2: This time it doesn't. But Only Just) to the party. And what a party. The drink of preference is buckets of whiskey, coke and redbull. I remember dancing like a peperami animal on speed. on hot coals. Aside from that the evidence dictates that at some point i removed my shoes and t-shirt (never to be seen again!) and gained a florescent pepperami tattoo (temporary mum, though at the time i had no idea). Buck-riffic.Also worth mentioning is an Irish chap on my tour who caught the loch ness monster while fishing. From what I gather, he caught it, hit it with a Chang bottle, and we had it for dinner. I think. Much of the garblings are "Lost in Translation". He could have traded it for me shoes for all I know...
Cream of mushroom soup would not be pleasant regurgitated. Especially through a respirator.... Yes I have been diving! As I am sat feeling a little ill on the boat (whiskey buckets, or rough sea I dont know but deffo should have stayed off the soup that morning) I have a flashback to some horror movie with sharks, death and other undesierable antics. The similarity to my predicament is conclusive. I am going to die. I will be the second. The first will be the dumb girl who swims off to get quietly munched. Then it will be the token black man. Oh come on it ALWAYS is. As I jump into my coffin, resigned to my fate, the only thought in my head is "at least I get a witty one-liner before I go.... shiyte better think of one!". I have already left my will with the Americans. Oh come on you know THEY will live. 40 minutes later, still breathing (sparodically in all honesty) a 50ft nessie monster (so i dont speak irish then. oh well) approaches. With that killer glint in its eye it might as well have been wearing a T-shirt: "My brother got Irwin and I have an inferiority complex". Needless to say I moved. Quickly as it happenes. The skipper later likened it to a typhoon class torpedo. "Mate if ye kept going like that mate you'd have hit Whale Island mate". Never mind Whale Island. I was headed for Weymouth. Pillock.
Thailand has been wicked, the beaches are amazing, and Bangkok is, well bent. I will go to Satun for one final night in Thailand before leaving for Malaysia. Hope all is well at home.
