The Temple of Heaven...and How to Get There.

  Beijing, China
Sunday, March 16, 2008

There are few things in every city that defines them in what Dorothy Parker liked to call the "popular imagination."   When you hear the word Paris, you immediately think, "Eiffel Tower and the Louvre" ...Moscow; "Red Square and the Kremlin"...Cleveland Ohio: "Crack Whores and Syphilis."  These images are not always accurate or fair, but they have somehow come to represent an entire population of millions of people.   Often times these images are pictures we can identify by the city of location, but not by name.   There's that crazy fountain in Italy...you know the "3 Coins in the Fountain" place that every associates with Italy, but only a few can actually name.  Don't email me, I  know it is the Trevi Fountain, and a dozen bonus points for everybody who got it, but I'm just trying to make a point here.  
Beijing is easily defined by many images...the Forbidden City, with Mao staring out over Tiananmen Square; Pagodas and Bicycle-filled streets, but probably one of the most recognizable places in the city is a building in a remote Temple park in the southern part of the city.   It is the Temple of Heaven.  You may not recognize it my name, but I think most of you would know it by sight.  It is a huge ornately decorated circular tower that attracts photographers from all over the world.   It could possibly be the 2nd most photographed location in the world, with the first, of course, being Paris Hilton's bedroom.  (Thank you...I'll be here all week...two shows Friday and Saturday nights...tip your bartenders, they're working hard for you.)

Temple of Heaven

Despite the incredibly frigid temps, I figure this is my day to get to the Temple of Heaven, and knock that off the incredibly lengthy "to do" list.  Now that I have ventured into the subway system of this fair city at least a couple times, I figure I can easily navigate the different colored lines and make my way to the Temple of Heaven without much difficulty.   Before I start, can I point out a couple things?  In China, you may not know this but, it is like they speak a completely different language, and the other important thing to understand before we venture any further is, I don't.  So I pull up out my massive Beijing Travelers Map in the morning, spay the thing over my large dining room table and chart my course.   I'll take a cab to the Subway station at Dong Zhe Men, and from there it is two stops on the Blue line, transfer to the Red for a couple stops, and then walk from there...how hard can that be?
Not hard at all, if your cab driver can find a subway...any subway station.   I had a friend write out in Chinese very clearly, "Dong Zhe Men Subway Station," on a 3 by 5 card, but this does not lead my rather smelly pal to the Dong Zhe Men Subway Station, um, no..  Instead, he takes off in Northerly direction, a path that will dramatically take him further away from any subway station within the city limits.  I point at my book, and the very pretty colored circles and swiggles that represent the complicated underground train network.  He nods and continues to drive the wrong way.  I'm thinking, "he does this everyday, all day, he must know better than me."   This is my first, but not my last misdiagnosis of this day.
He drives, and I stare out the window as the Beijing gets smaller in the side-view mirror.  At the next stop light I point at the subway icon in the book and he smiles.  He smiles a bit too much and a bit too toothy, and I detect a uncertain trance-like blankness in his eyes. We continue to sit well after the light turns and I realize he has no idea where I want to go, and further more, he has no idea where we currently are.  I also realize he does not know where the subway stations are, because he in fact doesn't know what a subway is.   It is now clear to me that he has just arrived in Beijing from the countryside, someone gave him roughly 30 minutes of driving lessons, and now he is out on the streets as a Beijing Taxi driver.  This, I can imagine, probably his second day...third if you count the day he spent bribing the licensing officials.  Oops...now where are we?  And why is the meter still running?
I think the best thing to do is just turn around, so I make a huge sweeping arm turn and face behind us.  "Okay!" he says and we turn around...I point, and he follows. I contort and twist my hands into hula girl's gestures and he maneuvers through some tricky circular traffic junctions.  I am aiming for a street that has a series of Subway stations every 5 kilometers or so.   Obviously, I'm not on this street.  We drive...and the meter runs.   We drive some more.  Finally I see a big Blue Sign on the street which has the icon representing the Beijing Subway and a large arrow above the numbers 1.5 km.   I point at the sign, and he glares back blankly.   That is it...I'm out.  I say, "Tdalla..." which is in very bad Mandarin for, "Here."  He pulls over and I pay the whopping taxi bill.  My guy smiles and waves; I slam the car door closed as hard as I can.  I'm walking it from here.
Did I happen to mention it is freakin' freezing?   I bundle up and walk headlong into a wicked winter wind.   This kilometer and a half seems to last as long, and is just about as painful as a TBS Holiday Weekend "Full House Super Summer Marathon, hosted by Danny, Joey and DJ!"   I am in as much anguish as if I really had to suffer through all 12 hours of David Coulier doing horrible Popeye impersonations and to hear Bob Saget telling incredibly stupid jokes and then say, "you get it?"  Ah, finally the happiness of finding Oasis...the big blue sign for the subway shines ahead.  I can't get down those steps fast enough.  Then another realization of distress hits me...I don't exactly know what station I'm now standing in, and I really don't know how to get where I'm going...
Now that I you've invested this much time on this entry, I'll just say...  I eventually get to the Temple of Heaven, and it is truly amazing.   A beautiful park, and stunningly spectacular buildings, temples and grounds, are highlighted by a huge circular 4 story tall temple that has been constructed without a single nail.  Alright, wise-acres...there aren't any screws, rebar or other fasteners involved either.  On the end of one long walkway is a round marble alter, where the emperor would give speeches.  It is said that anyone who speaks from this spot can be heard throughout all of China.  We all wait for our turns to step up on slick white marble mound to make our declarations to the Chinese People.  When my turn comes, only one thing comes to mind to say...  I stand up proudly and announce to all the peoples of China, "Taxi Driver number 213496 should not have a driver's license!"