Opera and Talking Heads.

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  Beijing, China
Sunday, March 2, 2008

The recovery continues on Sunday. I sleep a few extra minutes, and settle in with Chinese television. Imagine if you will every ordinary college television station show you have ever had the pleasure of viewing, perhaps on damaged 25 inch set in a Student Union, and you have a good idea of what the average CCTV production looks like. Very stark, non-threatening bland sets with heavy announce desks; two attractive let strangely uninteresting talking heads in full on blue blazers and ladies business leisure wear. Closely cropped, yet highly stylized hair and absolutely no expression in any of the spoken words is the standard presentation of nearly 40 percent of all shows. You also have a channel that seems to be constantly showing traditional Chinese Operas, which can not be accurately described using words continued within the framework of the English lexicon. High pitched wailing modulations by both voice and musical instrument, occasionally punctuated by what sounds like crashing trash can lids, are accompanied by heavy make-up and outrageous outfits that are so over the top that both Elton John and Cher would find themselves saying, "I don't know, honey, don't you think that is a little, I don't know...too TOO much?"

Another station shows 24 hours a day stage productions of variety shows that feature famous Chinese singers, acrobats, stand up comedy teams and for some reason, the most untalented western magicians available. These are the guys who miserably failed in their auditions at Six Flags Over Three Mile Island and untold thousands of cocktail lounges of Indian Casinos across the United States and Canada. One fixture on these shows is a western performer who somehow turns himself into characters from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and The Mask. Even the entertainment starved Chinese studio audience is seen saying amongst themselves, "Dude, that is SO 1988...move on, pal." There are historic dramas, and contemporary soap opera type shows, and some program that features some strange Ninja Monkey character in a live action children's show that apparently is aired a minimum of 35 hours a week...day and night.

The haunting sing-song Chinese language flows over me as I continue to nap on the rock hard mattress throughout the morning. Only the well place shafts of sunlight splitting my parted curtains to invade my eyelids gets me up from my full recline. It's Sunday morning, so some breakfast must be on the docket. I vow to try some place new, but it's back to the tried and true Mexican place with some eggs and sausage, beans and rice. I have great plans for today, including grocery shopping, and errands that I have put off since arriving in Beijing. My long walk includes a stop at the DVD bootleg shop, and I pick up a couple films by some of my favorite independent American Filmmakers, Noah Baumbach and Wes Anderson. After breakfast, I pick up a large bottle of fresh squeezed orange juice, and bag of Doritos, and I head on back to the apartment. One tip for all you in full on alcohol recovery, eggs; good...sausage; bad; rice; good....beans; bad. My battling gastronomic functions perform their very own version of the Dueling Banjos theme. One moment...".ah...that feels great," (eggs settling the stomach,) followed by, "ouch...am I a character in the film Alien?" (sausage and beans having a full Cinco de Mayo celebration in my stomach...I can feel the blender churning out the margaritas.) On the walk back, I down the bottle of OJ, so I grab another before getting back to my complex, and after only about a couple hours in a horizontal position...I'm back on my back with incredibly annoying Chinese programming diverting my attention. Now it is a show that is 1 part "American Idol" (amateur singers...singing poorly to the delight of a crowd who are more excited to be in a television studio than to hear these warbles) 1 part "Dating Game," (these people seem to be hooking up in the most embarrassing ways) and 1 part "Fear Factor," (the young couples have to do some strange feats of daring) all hosted by two guys who look like they could have been back-up singers for Wham during their "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" video. I flip channels non-stop for about an hour, before popping in "Margot at the Wedding." I'm in and out of sleep mode for the rest of the day.... I'm thinking...I have to get my rest, I have to get up in the morning for work. Ah, is this what it is like to have a real job?