Cheaper...Cheaper. A Day with Llamas and Silk
Trip Start
Dec 2007
1
28
41
Trip End
Aug 2008
Beijing,
China
Monday, February 18, 2008
We buy our admission tickets to the temple and follow the pack towards the beautiful structures. There are a bunch of different building with different idols and statues. Each of these buildings has open doors facing a cauldron that resembles a large Weber Grill. It is here that you are to light your incense, bow before Buddha, and pray. Apparently you are to light three pieces of incense and bow three times at each doorway. There are some incredibly gorgeous displays, but I can never get past this thought, and forgive me if this is improper, I don't mean any disrespect. I just can't imagine any giant Catholic Church, let's say St. Patrick's Cathedral, but you can use any house of worship you choose...I'm not singling out anyone here, but I can't imagine a Sunday Morning at St. Patrick's in midtown New York City, having a ticket window out front with a bunch of people from all the world coming in for the 9 am mass, and as the ceremony is taking place all the Japanese tourists are walking up on the alter to snap wacky vacation photos, some of them pretending to be hanging on the cross, others putting their arms around the marble statue of Mary (perhaps feeling her up), while their friends are buying Tin Jesus Ashtrays, kitschy Holy Trinity T-shirts and tiny bottle of souvenir holy water. Across from them is a Swedish tour group buying Cokes and Moon-Pies at the concession stand behind the Pew number 8 to the left. After all this is a sacred place of worship for Buddhists and here we are, taking pictures, laughing and reciting loudly from tourists guides. I did my best to be respectful, but let's face it, we're tourists...are there any less respectful creatures on earth than ignorant tourists. I think that is only way you can explain the "Hawaiian shirt, camera around the neck, flip-up sunglasses, Bermuda shorts, knee high black socks with white loafers" look that is the universal standard of tourists everywhere.
After this trip to the Temple, the boys decide they must continue their two-man crusade to actually purchase every available item sold in Central Asia. We are off to the Silk Market. Have you ever heard of this place? Okay, here's the brief description, but just like trying to describe a Hawaiian Sunset to a Blind Canadian, it just can't be done properly, you have to be there... Imagine if you can a 6 story K-mart full of thousands of tiny little 3 sided cubes no bigger than 4 feet square. In each of these cubes are at least 3 or 4 quick talking youngsters who can speak every language in the world. Each cube specializes in one product...the backpack cube, the scarf place, the computer memory stick and mouse kiosk...you name it; it is here. There are even places here who make you a custom suit in 24 hours or less... Here is your first 2 minutes in the Silk Market. Some very attractive person of opposite sex grabs you by the sleeve and pulls you, with the strength of Jacksonville Jaguar lineman, into their cube. Then it is...
"Mister, you need jacket? You must need, where you from? Pittsburgh? No, you not. I know Pittsburgh, mother from Pittsburgh. Come on, what you need? I know you need new North Face Parka, right. Cold outside. This is best jacket in world. Look at jacket...is beautiful. What you pay for? It is North Face, you look, best quality. You name price. Cheap. 4-thousand, best price. Come on...it is tough day, for you 25-hundred. You not get better anywhere, else. You buy for wife? No, wife...no you...you must have wife... You name price. NO, you try to steal me. No joking. This good quality, you look. Okay, no joking, 15-hundred and you put it in your bag. No, I can't take that...you tough. Let's just say, thousand, done. You crazy think you get for 5-hundred, you crazy. Alright, we split the difference 750, no way lower. You can't say 6...okay, it is slow, I want to sell. I like you, you fun...I like Pittsburgh. It be Steelers? Yeah? Am I right? Pittsburgh, okay, for you Pittsburgh only. 650, that's it, you take and put in your bag. Done. 625? You like...okay. You tough...I make nothing on this now. I lose money now. I sell just cause I like you. 625, alright... What else you need?"
Each transaction is a carefully orchestrated dance of give and take. It is a microcosm of life, of love; the very essence of the world. It is the longing glance across the crowded room, followed by the awkward first words, the flirt, the repulsion, the smile, the frown, the pout, the laugh, the mutual desire for what the other can offer, and in the end, both feel like they got the better of the other, when it actuality one person was incredibly and badly used...only to do it again, although they really should know better. Now imagine this going in 30-thousand stalls at the same time. Foreigners happily being fleeced right and left as the bargains they are so greedily swooping up for half of what they would pay at home has cost these merchants roughly 14 cents to produce.
Walking around with my Spanish friends, I instantly hear this, "Senor, es muy bien...Donde Esta? Pittsburgh? No, mi Tia Shusen es Pittsburgher!" If I was from Finland, I'm sure Finnish would greet me as I walk these thin aisles. My Spanish roommates have been here before, so they have this negotiating thing down. However, each stop at the cubes requires at least 30 minutes in the back and forth. Prices are traded back and forth with the aid of calculators. The storekeeper punches in a number, from which the shopper is required to wave his hand and walk away, but only about one step before being physically grabbed by the clerk. The storekeeper then drops the price slightly. Then the shopper punches roughly 1-tenth of that price. Now the storekeeper must laugh outrageously and say, "You Crazy!?" Okay, about 45 passes of the calculator, and perhaps three or four attempts to walk away are needed for the sale to go through. Now imagine, not buying anything, and being with the ultimate shopping duo. We are in the Silk Market for it seems like 6 months. They buy shoes, they buy pants, they buy jackets, the buy watches (for the entire family) they buy backpacks, they buy magic tricks, they buy electronics, they buy belts, the buy swimming goggles and swimming suits, they buy tiny replicas of Beijing landmarks, they buy Olympic pins, they buy t-shirts, they buy socks, they buy hats, they buy wallets, they buy jewelry, they buy cuff links, they buy I-Pods (I think a dozen of so)...I buy only one thing...lunch.
We end up on the top floor of the Silk Market where there are two restaurants. One is a famous Peking Duck restaurant that has dozens of outlets all over the city. There are 8 beautiful women to greet you in red silk dresses and to take you to your fancy table where you can order basically Duck. Instead we go to the other place, a Russian Pizza place. I don't think Russian Pizza is an actual cuisine, but rather describes the combination of what can be found inside... It is Pizza restaurant that seems to cater mostly to Russians. We are given menus that are in Chinese (the largest type) and Russian (a little smaller type) and at the bottom, English (who's got a magnifying glass?) You can order dishes ala cart, but they have huge buffet that is 58 yuan (about 8 bucks) that features not only pizza, but also Russian dishes (Fish, Borscht, Chicken Kiev, and thick Beef Stews) and Italian things like spaghetti and lasagna. Pretty standard buffet items, except there is a twist, you see, included in this buffet is all the beer, wine, brandy and...wait for it...yes, all the vodka you can drink. There are bottles of vodka (real imported Russian Vodka) at the end of the buffet line with the tiny vodka glasses beside them. You pour your own... Move over Boris, that bottle's mine...
There is a group of Western women, mostly Americans it seems, at a table by window who, or so it seems, have been here all afternoon. As their conversation continues to get a little louder and a little funnier, one by one, the girls go up to refill their oversized wine glasses with more vino. Behind us is a Russian family who must eat at this place everyday. They don't wait for the waitress to seat them. They walk in from the mall, grab plates...fill them to overflowing and then sit at their table. On the other side of us are European diplomats who are careful not to make too many trips to the vodka bar, although you can tell they really want to. I have spent all day with my pals, watching them shop (and shop and shop and shop)....and now here we are where there is free vodka (name brand top shelf imported Russian vodka, by the way) and they don't drink. Come on...just one? Now, I know I shouldn't care, but there is a dampening effect on binge drinking when you're the only doing it. I don't think most college campus beer bong fests are done by a single fun-loving party person surrounded by hundreds of non-drinking intellectual types, who are going, "Um, I don't know...perchance we'll have an additional cola beverage before I return to my studies..."
