The Snot Rocket
Trip Start
Dec 2007
1
16
41
Trip End
Aug 2008
Beijing,
China
Sunday, February 3, 2008
The weekend began with a fantastic surprise phone call from my former colleagues as they were dining in Vermont together the evening before one of their hockey telecasts. It was wonderful to hear from all of them, and I must admit that I was slightly nostalgic for all the wonderful times we had shared in the various frozen college towns of the American North. I miss Madison, and the barns like Yost, and although I hate to admit it, I miss Des Moines and the CHA championships... I hope to be able to see you all again next year, and hopefully enjoy a few after game Marker Marks....
Now let's talk about the Beijinger favorite means to self cleansing; a personal expression of power and defiance...ladies and gentleman, can I introduce you to the Snot Rocket. It could possibly be the true National Chinese Sport. Americans may have Baseball, but the Chinese have topped us with their National Pastime. Men, Women, Children all have this amazing, if not what one might consider disgusting, talent. I secretly am envious of this ability, although I don't think this talent would go down so well back home, I know I can't do it, and would fail miserably if I would try.
What is the Snot Rocket, you ask?...well, here's how you do it. Place one finger on a nostril, and with a full body jerk, blow out your other nostril, purging yourself of any pesky globoids of nose obstruction. With full power and great practice, you can easily clear 5 to 6 feet with this projectile (some champions can attain 20, even 30 feet or more). And it doesn't matter where or when...standing in the nicest marble foyer of an expensive European hotel...let it rip. Waiting at the produce stand in a nice grocery store...no time like the present. On the street, in a bus, with your friends, in the middle of a business meeting...just for fun, let your inner power explode and send that offending mucus on its way with gusto and flare.
I understand there have been public appeals on bus placards and television commercials to stop this, the most individual of all Chinese personal talents, but without much success, and I say...no...let the rocket fly. It is an incredible display, and all without messing on their own shirt or shoes. Leave your mark on the community....
And spitting....a bit on the pedestrian side, but still a major part of the Chinese experience. Again location is no factor on when....carpeting? sidewalks? corners of buildings? In stairwells? Elevators? Sure...why not.
Okay enough of a rant....and don't get me started on queing up in an orderly line. This is a foreign concept, and I don't hold it against my new Chinese friends, although it is a bit annoying as person after person steps directly in front of you to purchase their items at the shopping kiosk. I say...let them go ahead...they are in a hurry...they have things to do. Trust me...I got all the time in world....
Comments
See! I told you!
My mom has witnessed this in more than one Chinatown in the good ole U.S of A. I think someone would have to put a gun to my head in order for me to do that. On Cynthia's Mortification Scale, it ranks in between sober Karaoke and a Brazilian Wax. (Although WAY below the procedure my aunt in Oklahoma cheerfully went thru in the ER the other day. Let's just say it has the word 'impaction' in it....