Kuala Lumpur Extravaganza!!

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  Kuala Lumpur, Wilayah Persekutuan, Malaysia
Sunday, August 24, 2008

Hi everyone
 
Welcome to our one and only Malaysia blog: Kuala Lumpur (or Oompa Loompa Land as I call it!)
 
We accepted an invitation to stay with our friends, Les and Charlie. While in Thailand we had a lovely few days relaxing and recharging our batteries -to physically prepare ourselves: we know Les and Charlie best from Cyprus drinking sprees, especially The Courtyard. One quick drink here turns into 10 very long ones and waking up on your kitchen floor the next day.
 
Arriving at Les & Charlie's apartment at 3pm, the security guard told us they were down the pub! And not back until 9pm that night. No surprise there..

When we all first met up.....

! So, 20mins and a short phonecall later, we too were soon propping up the bar with them in their local! We hadn't even unpacked!! Just left our luggage chained up outside their apartment!!
 
Red wine flowed and David soon got his cards out much to everyone's cacophonic enjoyment. (David: I was asked... honest.) It was a great night, ending with two bottles of champagne back at home and several more beers and I think head massages occurred later on too....eek?!
 
The next morning, poor Charlie had to nip into work but Les, David and I were the cat's fur-balls. A 10am cup of tea was fine until 10mins later when I ran back to bed for fear of death!! I felt so completely and utterly sick as a rabid dog. Les made herself sick and poor David's face was not too pretty...However, a terrific welcome to Kuala Lumpa!! Thanks guys.
 
At 1pm after a coma-sleep, David and I headed into town to get our bearings and do a bit of shopping. We headed to nearby KLCC Towers shopping Mall which is within the Twin Towers, the Petronas Towers of Kuala Lumpa and believe me, the mall was massive!! The Twin Towers are an absolutely stunning 452 metres of crystal chandeliers against a blisteringly hot blue sky

Several hours after we had met up........!

. Beautiful. Les recommended the cheap as chips shoes in the mall so I sprinted olympically towards them but was sobbingly disappointed 5 shops later. My yeti-sized slabs of meat were a huge obstacle in Asia!! The women are stick thin and have feet the size of pin cushions - I couldn't even get my big fat toe in! Sickening!
 
When we emerged from the cavernous mall, it was rush-hour. Traffic was much the same as in Bangkok: horrendous. It took us 1hour to flag a taxi down!! A camel would have been easier to flag down! That night, we all went out to a local restaurant aptly called Victoria Station where the waiters were dressed as railway staff and there were two carriages as part of the restaurant seating. Hmmm...the food was ok. Next a quick nightcap over the road to The Courtyard!! Yes, like our local in Cyprus! Actually, this Courtyard was a building name rather then a pub name but as far as I'm concerned, it's The Courtyard to me.
 
Charlie, god love him, had provided us with guidebooks on both Kuala Lumpa and Singapore so we could do some homework. And drawn up an 'itinerary' of tourist attractions. It was a great because we did no preparations, so with his suggestions we really got to see some amazing things. So thoughtful. We all headed out to Putrajaya which is a new city the Government have built

The gay Ku Klux Klan

. In 1994 the whole area was palm plantations, now it's a massive city and home to central government. However, no one wants to live there so it's a ghost town. There are houses, a man-made river, bars, restaurants, a massive entertainment stadium, shops..but it's like the Marie Celeste!!! When visiting a mosque we all had to cover up so they handed out pastel pink robes to put on. We looked like the gay cabaret Ku Klux Klans!
 
(David: It's a weird city, I was constantly expecting rabid zombies to appear from the shadows, it was so eerily quiet. But, also it's a sad place, no-one wants to move there - the embassies refuse to relocate. And as Charlie pointed out, why would they move from their mini sovereign fortresses of security and espionage to a government-built place out of town? And when you look, you start to realise the things missing: a good transport network - where are the trams? bicycle lanes? metro? Why aren't there communal recharge points for electric vehicles or internet pods... anything you'd expect from a city 13 years old, that's been planned from the bottom up. You look at everything and think, ok the lighting system's great, so is the architecture of the fantastic bridges spanning a man made lake built for the sole purpose of giving something for the fantastic bridges to cross. But, everything is shoddy: walls cracked; pavements misaligned; weird phone booths embedded in fountain legs; everything is falling apart and badly maintained. Such a wasted opportunity. Maybe tourism will breath some life into it.)
 
We drove back to KL and to Independent Square where the Malaysia Independence Celebrations were occurring that weekend...as it was still raining we got to see, in-between the smashing raindrops, the preparations for the music platforms and the multitude of flags being hoisted up

Kuala Lumpur by day

. We then went for a buffet lunch in this hotel which was absolutely fantastic..so much food, I was in heaven!!
 
That night, Les and Charlie took us out to Kuala Lumpa's 'happening' area. It was an absolutely fantastic night. Straight to The Beach Club - a large bar with small sharks in glass tanks above the bar (not sure the vibrations of the pumping disco tunes could have been a nice thing for them..). The place was rammed with local women not wearing very much apart from violently spiky high heels loitering about for western men to chat up. The music was pumping 80's music. Brilliant! When the live band started up they were a bit Suicide FM initially but from Purple Rain onwards it was hard to keep Les & I away from the thronging melee of gyrating bodies on the floor! Soon after, the ladyboys came on stage and did a fantastic show, all dressed up like Diana Ross and The Supremes. We were all whooping and waving hysterically like The Muppet Show! Whatever you say about Ladyboys....your cup of tea or not, they really are bloody beautiful! How a man can look so flaming gorgeous with a bit of lippy on is beyond me. There was one, my favourite, who was the double of Demi Moore. Absolutely stunning and her energy and enthusiasm in the show was really fantastic whereas the other ladyboys just seemed to be 'getting on with it'. David got a Marilyn Monroe ladyboy personal lapdance in front of everyone!! His face was a picture, god love him. (David: Luckily, I didn't have a full on epiphany moment and dumped Lois there and then to run off and live in a Jungle somewhere with him... but, you know... it was a close thing!)
 
The next day, Charlie got his itinerary out!! Les stayed at home while Charlie, David & I went to Batu Caves

Charlie and David in the jungle!

. On parking the car, we were instantly confronted with a blindingly gold 43metre Buddha statue guarding the 272 steps UP to Batu Caves. 272 steps!!!! The buddha was really impressive. Halfway up the stairs, Charlie detoured and took us into Dark Cave. Great, a cave! We love caves! You would think.....we donned hard hats and joined a small group being led into the darkness. There were bats galore in this cave, squeaking away. They weren't dive-bombing us and the sound of them was lovely. The stalags (-mites and -tites) were amazing and the expanse of this cave was just incredible. So hard to imagine that it was all, once upon a time, under water. Incredible. Yes, all of this really was fantastic......
 
...I was having a great time. I love caves...........HOWEVER, I DON'T LOVE FECKING COCKROACHES THE SIZE OF FECKING RATS SCURRYING AROUND YOUR FEET AS YOU WALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I mean frigging millions of the bastards. The guide showed us a rock that was literally alive with the things, like a moving wallpaper. And then they were all over the cave floor, around our feet. But it was ok. During my ear-bleeding screams shattering the silence, the guide told me to just stamp my feet as this would scare them off. (David: Yeah, like THAT worked in the film The Mummy!) So for the rest of the cave tour I stamped. Everywhere. It was quite frankly the most vile experience I have ever had to date. Seeing these little bastards scurrying onto your shoes...Christ......
 
After our cave tour, we had to re-trace our steps past the frigging cockroaches. However, poor David. To one side of the path was a little drop into a shallow stream by the cave wall. (David: Actually, it was into a three metre pile of Bat Shit, politely called Guano) While screaming my head off and hopping about like a flaming kangaroo on acid, I almost pushed David into the stream (David: Shit) with my maniacal bodily spasms as I tried to shake off, avoid and stamp on the Cockroach City scurrying towards my feet and ankles

The Petronas Twin Towers

. There was a slight honeymoon communication hitch between David and I while I tried to defend my reasons for acting like a psychotic kangaroo and while David tried to justify his shouting at me for nearly shoving him into the green stream beside us. All worked out in the end though. Charlie assured me that Les would have had a heart attack if she were here. I felt better then - I wasn't being a lone crazy bitch then! (David: I didn't like the cockroaches either, but I liked the sea of shit even less - stuff lives in that sea of shit, a whole world of shit lives in that shit... but not me.)I e
 
For the following hour I had post-traumatic stress disorder and kept slapping my legs, "there's something in my trousers!!", "no there isn't darling..", "what's that on my head?! I can feel it!!", "there's nothing there darling...", "I can feel one in my shoe!!!", "your sock's just crumpled!!!" Poor David!!
 
Batu Caves, further up the steps, was also fantastic. Not quite as 'cosy' and maze-like as Cockroach Cave but rather massive and 'open-plan' Only 400million years old! With monkeys lazily wandering around and people-watching.
 
After this we went to the 421 metre KL Tower. Not as tall as the Petronas Towers but the view is just as spectacular. It's circular so you walk around the viewing platform with audio commentary which tells you of the sights before you and the history of Kuala Lumpa. Fascinating stuff.
 
Then Charlie took us into the jungle. Well actually, it was a very small jungle which was directly beneath the Tower and had a walkway

Les and I dueting!

. There was a tree which was over 100 years old and when the KL Tower was being planned and built they had to move the location of the Tower some several feet away so as not to disturb the protected tree. It was heaven-high and beautiful tree.
 
The walkway in the jungle was a rickety wooden suspension bridge a few feet above the ground and all around you was a stunningly rich mass of plants, flowers and cloud-kissing trees. It was just a dense dark undergrowth of wild habitation. Beautiful. Several million mosquitoes kindly accompanied us on our walk. In a matter of 5 minutes David's arm was covered in red lumps! There was a bird right up high in this tree making an exquisite birdsong. Charlie imitated it and then the bird whistled back too. It was brilliant!
 
Finally, we went back to Independence Square that we couldn't get to earlier because of the rain. In Independence Square was the world's tallest flagpole. Impressive. (can't find/remember how tall this actually was! Answers on a postcard please!!) On the way home, we got caught in the storm. I suggested we walk the remaining10mins round the corner even if it was chucking it down: It was brilliant!! We got absolutely drenched right through and were sopping by the time we got home! Such simple pleasures I have.....
 
For our final night, Les and Charlie took us to this local Chinese restaurant. It was like being back in Beijing! The food was absolutely delicious. They had tanks of crabs, jellyfish, lobsters, oysters etc in the restaurant..fascinating stuff. And pirate DVDs. We each bought 5...!

Lois as a cowgirl!??

 
David and I really did have a fantastic time with Les and Charlie. (cheque's in the post Charlie...). Not only was it lovely catching up with friends we had not seen for a year and really getting to know them outside Mo's Place!! but it was also really lovely staying at home and having creature comforts around us, like a cosy living room and a kettle at hand for tea and relaxing on the sofa with the news on. Living in hotel rooms gets tough after the first 3 months!
 
Kuala Lumpur was a lovely place but not quite what I was expecting. As in China and Thailand, everyone was so friendly and happy but it just didn't quite have the 'buzz' I was expecting for a big city. The shopping is great, the 'happening' Beach Club area was ace but it just felt a bit cold..like something was missing that I can't quite put my finger on. Odd.
 
The next day we left early for Singapore. What a great journey we had!
 
Lots of love,
 
Us xxx

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Lois does R 'n' B !

Les & her 7foot friend!

Batu Caves

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