WORK, DRINK, WORK
Trip Start
May 20, 2000
1
13
16
Trip End
Aug 19, 2000
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Reykjavik,
Iceland
Friday, August 4, 2000
But I don´t think the stress of my job has taken its toll upon anyone as much as upon Heimy. The poor Chinese pizza-baker just hasn´t been himself lately. All he does is mope around, muttering to himself, "Ég het pizza...Ég het pizza...Ég het pizza!" (I hate pizza) Sometimes, a big group of people will come in and when I hand Heimy their order for four or five pizzas, all I´ll hear is him pausing to read the order, then exclaiming, "SHIT!!!" Poor Heimy...Óhreppinn Heimy.
Not that I´m trying to say Heimy doesn´t deserve everything he gets. He and I have had our share of disputes. The most common argument we have is when we´re left alone, and we try to decide who´s in charge.
"Ég er bossið, Heimy!" I yell (I am the boss!).
"Nei. Ég er bossið!" he says. "Sjáðu, ég hef lykillna!" (See, I have the keys)
Those keys are a symbol for power. Ooh! Nothing steams me more than knowing I have to take orders from a chubby, 18-year old pizza-baker. The last time we worked together, our argument culminated in me locking him in the walk-in refridgerator and yelling, "Gefðu mig lykillna, Heimy!" (Give me the keys) But, like I´ve said, he´s a pretty chubby guy and I think he could stay in the fridge for days.
As I (hope to) travel the world, I need some way of comparing the places I visit.
Thus, I´m revealing for you now, the exciting debut of...
MODERN ODDYSEUS´ TOP 5!!!
The top 5 best things about Iceland:
1. THE SNORKELLING - I suppose if snorkelling is your
favorite thing to do in Iceland, it´s going to be
your favorite thing to do in any country. This
item may be a mainstay at the top of MODERN
ODDYSEUS´ TOP 5!!! If you´ve ever wondered what
it´s like to soar above swaying hills of plant
labyrinths colored like light-brown M&Ms, you
should snorkel in Icelandic kelp.
2. THE FRIENDLY PEOPLE - Though people work hard for
their money here, there´s never an argument over
"who´ll pay the bill?" Money spent on a friend is
as good as money spent on yourself. Hitchhikers
are welcomed in 1 of 4 cars, and every night I´ve
spent out of Reykjavik somebody has offered their
spare bed to me.
3. DANCING AT THOMPSEN - Okay, so 80% of the people who
dance in the sweaty, smoky "trance" room here are
high on some hard drug. And I think it´s safe to
say I´m about the only person here not drinking
lots. Nevertheless, if you want to dance like
crazy until 8 a.m. so that even your arms are sore
three days later, this is the place.
4. MY FAVORITE ICELANDIC WORD, "MJÓLKUR HRISTINGUR" -
This means an ice cream shake in english, and I
use it to refer to the shakes I make my co-workers
at the pizza place. The best one I´ve made so far
was a bláberja (blueberry) mjólkur hristingur. I
walked around, saying, "The blueberries that went
into this, like myself, come from the Great Lakes
of Michigan, and they´re very, very sweet, also
like myself...right, Sigga?" But she didn´t agree.
5. THE PRETTY GIRLS - The girls here are quite
stunning. High cheekbones, thin waists, sharp
curves, and good posture. The only parts of their
bodies I´d change are the spots in their brains
that tell them to have absolutely no interest in
me. One co-worker of mine, Þóra Björk (who´s
very cute, but engaged) says to me, "The girls
must go crazy for you! You like animals, you love
kids, and all it takes to make you happy is ice
cream." I don´t know what kids or animals have to
do with girls, but I do know that the result of an
all-ice cream diet usually has a strictly-negative
effect on a person´s attraction to the opposite
sex. But I´m nearly as frustrated as Þóra Björk
is over my inability to get girls, probably more
so. I don´t mean to complain, but it´s
disheartening to know that I could´ve weighed
twice as much as Heimy, been completely bald, and
had only four teeth, and I STILL wouldn´t have had
any less girlfriends than I´ve had in the past
five years. I only wish girls liked me as much as
I like me. I think C.E.M. Joad (I don´t know who
he is either?) put it best when he said, "I suffer
from a sense of disgusted wonder at the persistent
refusal of the rest of the world to take me at my
own valuation." Okay, I got a bit off-track
there, but now it´s time for...
The top 5 worst things about Iceland:
1. WORKING AT THE GAY BAR - This is an easy pick. In
the eight days I worked there, I encountered an
innumerable amount of unspeakable horrors. To
this day, the prettiest girl to hit on me (see
item # 5, of the "best" section of MODERN
ODDYSEUS´ TOP 5!!!) in Iceland was actually a guy,
though he did make a thoroughly convincing and
very cute girl in his drag outfit.
2. TOO MUCH WORKING - Being ergophobic, I´m amazed
whenever I´m hitchhiking and somebody tells me
they work from 7 a.m. to midnight five days a
week or more. And then on the weekends,
there´s...
3. TOO MUCH DRINKING - I´m afraid a lot of Icelanders
don´t have much to look forward to except for the
next time they´ll be wasted. There´s a lot of
drunken fighting, a lot of passing out on
downtown storefronts, and a lot of vomiting. I
get most disturbed every time I see this girl, a
kidnergarten teacher, whose version of being too
drunk happens only when she´s no longer able to
convince a guy to buy her another drink...I know
when I was five, that´s not how I envisioned Mr.
Kinney spending his summer.
4. TOO MUCH SMOKING - Whenever I leave Thompsen (see
item # 3, of the "best" section of MODERN
ODDYSEUS´ TOP 5!!!), even my underwear wreaks of
cigarrettes! I don´t know how that´s possible.
5. IT´S EXPENSIVE - Some people like to say,
"EVERYTHING is more expensive in Iceland!" "It´s
not true," I tell them, "milk is cheaper." And it
is. But, that´s the only thing. Here are some
sample prices, in US dollars: a beer at a
restaurant - $7 or $8...the cheapest half-gallon
of ice cream - $7 (still a deal!)...a notebook -
$14 (that´s not a typo, I said $141!! hmmm, now
that was a typo - $14)...some ridiculous, green-
and-purple bowl (some sort of art sculpture, I
think) that was nearly flat and had crooked edges,
and I highly question how well it could hold ice
cream - $450.
To put all of this in perspective, I must say Iceland is not the place for me. There just isn´t enough to do while you´re sober, I think. Well, actually, there´s a lot. But I think it requires my warped sense of viewing the world to see the most powerful river in Iceland and think of going down it on a wooden board, ot to see a steep mountain and want to sled down it. I suppose almost anyone, anywhere, would hear my ideas of sober fun and become an alcoholic. Well, I´ve got two more weeks in Iceland, so we´ll see what kind of wacky antics I can get up to...and if I´ve driven any of my subscribers to alcoholism already, my deepest apologies.
Until next time, "Skál!" (Drink up!)
later, Modern Oddyseus
Comments
adhoc title
*high five*
I love you're writing style.
really that bad?
I enjoyed reading your rant on Iceland but i cant imagine it being that bad, i want something different and being from Ireland i think i would fit in rather well seeing as though the irish dont even wait til the weekends to get wasted!!! every day is a reason to drink! do they speak english up there or would i have to learn their language to get by?