Humpy Dumpty, Scary Scary Quite Contrary

Trip Start Mar 11, 2006
Trip End Aug 01, 2006

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Flag of Ukraine  ,
Saturday, June 24, 2006

We met our two Turkish cabinmates first thing on the ship. We were excited of course to meet these two guys who would be sharing our tiny sleeping quarters, but overall nervous as the cruise we'd booked from Odessa to Istanbul down the Black Sea was the cheapest and fastest way down, though not the safest as these boats fairly regularly find the bottom of Davy Jones' locker. The first one's name was difficult to pronounce, but when we asked what he'd been going in Ukraine he answered "Vaycaaaaytion" with a lecherous grin and exaggerated hip thrust motion. We named him Humpy. The second one, despite being endowed with the greatest name in the world starts with an "M", ends with an "-isha"), was also the scariest-looking man in the world. I'm pretty sure just his nostrils could have bitten my face off. We named him Scary.
Not quite like hiking in Nepal, but still with two solid days on a cargo boat with almost no activities, the meals were almost guaranteed to be the highlights of the day. In terms of occupying a prominent place on the to-do list for the day, they performed admirably, though for quality of the less-than-memorable culinary experience, imagine Russian food, but 30 years old, and served on a 16th century pirate ship. A British one at that. All the same, our tablemates Aksana and Gnarla were great stilted-Russian conversation partners and we finished up in time to grab a few beers for the Argentina-Mexico match.
Other thing about being in a boar is there are no TV broadcast towers on buoyees in the middle of the sea, so we only got to catch the first half before the reception fuzzied out to nada, and Scary came around to play some cards. To our credit, we did not let him win on purpose. Not every time, anyhow. He did further bank on his scariness to make us Turkish dance to techno in the Discobar later that night. Humpy, after chatting up Ol' McGee all night, went predictably MIA. He came back in the morning with an even lecherous-er face on and slept all the next day.
My next day was not spent on pedestrian pursuits such as sleep, not when there was travelogue to write! I sunned, hung out, and covered Nepal through Moscow, all in a day's work. All work and no play make Jack a dull piece of cargo though, so that night the only Americans on board (us), Scary, and the Tablettes celebrated Aksana's bday in style, and by style I do mean their tiny cabin. We counted stars and were introduced to the Tutemas song three times, a very slow and sultry song that we thought was a love song but actually translates to something like "there's no one to hold me" and was the catalyst to a rush of love-struck teen suicides a few years back until the government had to step in, banning that song and presumably by widely releasing the infinitely more catchy and in a way less depressing "Who Let the Dogs Out". Ryan had a beard-and life-related epiphany before it was late to bed, late to rise, making these men healthy, wealthy, and in Turkey.

Moral of the Story: I'd love to see Scary and the guy from Red Dragon in a bite-through-steel-plate contest. And then Humpy vs Wilt, but not in basketball.
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