4 Aussies, 4 Hens parties, 4 Floors, 4am Finish...
Trip Start
Feb 17, 2009
1
24
Trip End
Aug 18, 2009
London,
England,
United Kingdom
Saturday, July 25, 2009
My friday hadn't officially ended by the time most normal people's saturdays had begun. I did eventually make it home to 14 Wesley Ave limping from soft feet and tight new and SEXY i might add shoes. Lock up your daughters, Wives and Mother, these pair of moulded and light brown tanned cow hide foot covers are a pussy magnet, probably even a penis magnet is the right/wrong place. Moving on.....Brooke La Pine, my good friend I met in Turkey has kindly departed the UK early to sort VISA shit out so I capitalised the opportunity to snake his queen size bed. I did however check facebook and send some feelers out about random ideas and plans. It was only after I recieved a call from Dan O'D followed by Jezz that I decided to put my head down. That was my official end to Friday.
1.5hrs later its 1330hrs and The boys from She Bu are hitting the cans already, gearing up for the 20Twenty cricket at Oval, Middlesex Vs Surrey. My body springs to life....shit, shower, and shave (not nessessarily in that order but you get the drift). I puyt on a bit of pace in my stroll to North Acton train station but give up once I've realised it a million degrees and I'm dripping with sweat.
Aussie art abuse....
The Bus shelter only acts as a placebo whilst I swelter and discuss random stuff with a fellow sufferer of the days amazing bright sun. The bus arrives late and the train following is full, hot and I'm not enjoying my first sat back in London suddenly. I finally arrived at Oval station and had missed the first half. Not to worry. I wasn't sure how to take the boys when they discussed Pimms as a beverage possibilty since Cricket = Beers in any language, sure enough, Pimms and Lemonade became our drink of choice for the 2nd half and suddenly i had to squat to pee. That was a joke!It was actually nice so we continued our thrist quench at the nearest pub, The Hanover Arms. They got all 'Ladida' on us and fruited up our Pimms, very cosmopolitan we are!! It was actually nicer again but how much more can we appear to lack testostorone so we drew the line there. The ideas flowed as to where to from here and logically we decided to head into the guts, try some more pubs. Dan at one point realising that he'd 30min this morn looked upon with concern explaining the need to do shots to pick up our game. I regarded this with upmost confidence in our stamina replying 'That shouldn't be a problem'. We did manage to laugh our asses of momentarily and some nearby fellow commuters decided it better than hang around 4 getting charged men in shirts and thongs when it cold and wet. We got off the tube at Bank Station and stumbled upon JD Wetherspoon. dan hit up the order with a another jug of Pimms. "Only "1 the bar woman said, so ofcourse Dan's reaction was "okay, 2 then!".
And thats out....
That again set us off. The jugs were filling and our game plan had to evolove with our location. Ads might suggest something and we would raise our voice and match that with another more hair brain random act. Buckets put in his 2 bob but Dan came up with winner......Hit up Lampe's Bar then the Strippers. Our faces went blank with a stunned but excited look, we all half crouched as if to brace for the impact of the ingenious Dan exhibited. SHIT YEAH, ITS ON NOW!!!! almost in uinison, we were cheering and high fiving how this nothing day was panning out. I recieved a phone call from Samuel Smed Den Doon Dennals Denley at Glastonbury and it was rather sobering.....I should have been there but I'm a poo organiser and missed out, thats a different story. The Pimms helped put me back on track for the random state of affairs and soon enough we were walking on route to Lampe's bar. There was minor hurdle however, more of a speed bump. More pubs on the way so we chose one that appeared cozy enough and was something of a Labrynth once inside to find the toilets. It was scalled the Woodenspoon I think, on George St down past the Gurkin Building and the walk to the gents opened up through doorways into a uber technological foyer with suits (swanky business type people) cruising around and conversing with what appeared to be customers. Then we walked through a small section that had fancy bowls of olives and biscuit sticks. They did look tempting but my bladder took priority. The beers were going down better and better and eventually we did getto Piccidilly Circus and ushered for Adrian Lampe at the red carpet entry.
Mad streaker
My thought initially were how good will this place actually be? Lamp arrived and his fellow workers laughed at our attire - shorts, thongs, t-shirts etc. We nearfly hit up a shoe store for some cheap get ups to suffice tonight but were saved by the bell when Lampe buzzed Dan and said get in now before 8 and its too busy. YES!!! Kick ass!!! We were served Tequlea slammers and beer to start and informed by the manager (our good friend Adrian Lampe) and shown to the 2nd floor. Awesome, te whistle gets wet again, free this time, YOU LITTLE BEEEEEUTY!!!!! A moment passes and Adrian swings past asking if we approve, a audible yes is sang in unison over the cranking house beats. Then we are told that we have to wait for the top 2 floors to open up at 10pm......WHAT THE? as if it wasn't good enough.
So find a lounge area with 2 large 3 seater leather upholstered couches and nestle in, helped by the next round of free piss Lampe fills us with....wait for it....1 bottle of Vodka in a jug with ice, 2 caraffes of red bull. Fuck yeah!! I let you in on a little secret....it tasted bloody brilliant!!!!
The good news kept flowing as quick as i lubed my mouth with sweet sweet alcohol. Lampe topped off this ridiculous turn of events with the words....'In about 5 sec you will in-undated with 30 women'. This didnt even really register and I look to my right and see a wall of confident sexy dressed broads strutting wall to wall at our direction!!!! I had to drain the snake and fled as quick as could but was ambushed by red caped vixens from all sides.
bet the beers...
It wasn't at all unpleasan either dont worry.The Hen's night game's began and us 4 under dressed Aussie blokes we the complete subject to their games and envy of all those nicely dressed up hob knobs in there 100 quid shirts etc. HAHA, double pluggers work even over here.....well I tell myself that. The Brides twin and younger sister (of the first Hen's party) needed to create a aluminuim foil bikini and somehow became to subject. Naturally the clothes weren't appropiate and impeded the realism and practicality, doubling also as a catalyst for my love of getting nude. I did feel a little violated when I was twiste and turned and pushed into the right direction so they could create some sort or wide mankini.....NOT!!!!!!!!
That hen's party became intermingled with another and then another. We did not struggle to find a smile. We did split up often and at one point I couldn't find Dan and Ads and discovered the 4th floor, some kind off ski lodge set up with logs and wood every where, also another Hen's Party. YES!!!
4am came around almost as quickly as each amazing spin on the night and we were on the street laughing about how that could have happened and the stars aligned so. The last drink that Lampe offered us I managed to not be around for and the glass of red wine was tainted with a shot of Vodka. Dan had the luxury of enjoying mine and then the luxury of see it again....all over the footpath in view of all the 1000's of other ahnibriatted bodies staggering about looking for a reason not to go home yet. Ad's and I took turns in using a council board to shield us from view of the 2 bouncers at On Anon on the door. Little did we know that on the other side railing from our impromptue outdoor bathroom facility, was the main road for London's busiest circus and countless on lookers.
McDonalds seemed the only answer and after smashing some McShit drunk food, we dominated to back section of the night bus screaming 'Your the voice' by John Farnham and countless versus of "wish that all the ladies..." from rugby, regardless of anyone else listening.
