Chicks look better from behind here

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  Buzios, Brazil
Friday, December 7, 2007

Remember when we would go to Cancun for Spring Break and we'd be like "dude, every spring break takes like 2 years off of your life", yeah well, this trip is going to take 5 years off of mine, at least. So 4 spring breaks and one SA trip = 13 years. Say avg age is 70 for males, I am now going to die at 57. Sweet. Stupid life diminishing trips. Well, I guess I would rather live good than live long.

I'm sitting in this restaurant eating chicken, go figure, and I notice that about half of the girls that walk by the window look hot, which is quite a high %. But then I have a breakthrough. I realize the ones that look hot are the ones walking away from me that I can only see from behind. All the ones walking towards me are struggling. Chicks here have much nicer bodies than faces here, especially since their asses are so nice. I don't think this is true in Chicago. I think it's the opposite. Lot's of cute faces but lots of jacked up what the fuck happened to the lower half of your body type chicks. I bet doggy style is the prefered method of stabbing in Brazil. Later I walk by a movie store and I see a movie called "Treze Homens", which translates directly into "Thirteen Men". Hah, this cracks me up. It's obviously supposed to be Oceans Thirteen but they decided just to call it 13 Men, can't get a more general title than that. They change movie titles a lot here. Saw is called Mortal Games as an example.

Later Joana and Amanda call me and want to know if I want to go to Cabo Frio and party with them. Sure why not. Debra won't be there and from what I gathered she has a boyfriend and that's one reason we never saw each other again. At least Joana and Amanda are both 18. I catch a bus to Cabo Frio and they pick me up and take me back to Joana's crib. Her house is fucking awesome. It sits on an island in a gated community and it's enormous with a swimming pool and the backyard overlooks a lagoon. Man, one of her parent's must have gone to college. I meet her mom and her mom is beyond nice. She speaks English and I talk to her for a bit and she gives me a beer. I might be closer in age to her mom then Joana. Nobody knows this though. Shhhhhh. Her mom gives us a ride to the happening part of Cabo and I drink a beer in the car, I love Brazil. We go get something to eat and our conversation revolves around how much faster kids grow up here than in the US. Kids here start drinking when they are like 12 or 13 and according to the girls that's when most kids start having sex. You can go to clubs when you are 18 and like I said before, lots of times you can get in even if you are younger and good looking. Joana's mom earlier told me "well, now that Joana is 18 her and her friends want to go to Rio all the time to party, which I understand". Like her mom was totally cool with Joana going to one of the most dangerous cities in SA and going to clubs and drinking and doing who knows what else all night long. 18 here, is definitely adult age. I don't really think you are considered an adult in the US until at least 21.

Hit up some club and nobody in the club wears sandals except for me. But the thing is they don't wear nice shoes either. They all wear Nikes, Pumas or Addidas {when I was in grade school me and Tom used to be like Addidas stood for All Day I Dream About Sex, I don't know why I remember this). They wear these because these types of shoes are super expensive here (a pair of Nike Shox cost like $450R and even normal Pumas will run $200R) and they are trying to show they can afford them. But the funny thing is a lot of people wear shorts with socks and tennis shoes, in a club, it looks retarded. I at least have on jeans. I want to make fun of them to their faces but I don't have the words in Portuguese to do it, so I make fun of them behind their backs in English. So, I'm dancing with the chicas (dude, I dance more here in one week then I do in a year back home, but that's Brazil) and I end up making out with Joana. Fuck it, she looks decent, I'm drunk and how many chances will I have in my life to make out with an 18 year old Brazilian girl, know what I'm saying. We stay at the club till past 5 and these two fucking chicks just danced for 6 straight hours basically. What the fuck! I feel like I'm caught in the middle of Dance Fever. Hell, I can barely stay awake for 6 straight hours at times. I take many many breaks from dancing and use those breaks to chill out on the balcony and drink a beer or whatever. At least this club played all hip hop music. Funny thing, lots of radio stations here play American cuts and alot of the people will know the words to the songs but they have no idea what the song is about. It was a bit weird for me to be riding in a car in Brazil and listening to American pop songs on the radio. I catch a bus back to Buzios at 6am or so and I keep falling asleep on the dude's shoulder next to me. Sorry Bro. He actually gets up at one point and changes seats. Hey fucker, get back here, I need a pillow and shit. Now my head just tilts to the side in mid-air like a stuffed animal that has lost most of it's stuffing. Whoa, that reminds me. In college my freshman year roomate had this huge Dino stuffed animal. And his neck was all long and at the beginning of the year is was stiff and upright. I used to come back wasted all the time and look at Dino and be like "What up Dino" and I would just pimp smack the fuck out of it. By the end of the first semester his head was all wilted and leaning to one side. Hah. I had to change rooms at the beginning of the next semester. I don't think he liked me smacking his stupid dinosaur. Anyway, I luckily wake up right before my stop and I stumble up the stairs and into bed.

Fin