Torres del Paine day 7

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  Torres del Paine, Chile
Wednesday, March 5, 2008

We have to wake up before 6am in order to get to the mirador (lookout point) to the Torres before the sun comes up.  The Torres are three spires that rise straight up from the ground and are a bit reminiscent of the Fitz Roy.  The rumor is that the Torres turn red right when the sun breaks over the horizon assuming no clouds are present to obscure the incoming rays.  This is why the entire camp is up so early and making their way up to the mirador like a bunch of idiots.  I can't really say anything though since I am one of those idiots.  I have to use my flashlight at the beginning because of the darkness and it's a bit difficult trekking up this steep slope in the dark.  I somehow get separated from Avida and Tom and I totally go the wrong way.  Seriously, how do I do this all the fucking time.  I go the wrong way more than Lloyd Christmas (you almost drove a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction).  And since I went the wrong way I now have to climb the last several hundred feet on loose rocks and for every couple of feet I go up I slide back down like three

I can lift a hundred pounds right over my head

.  This is more annoying than having a rock in your shoe which btw I have like 100 in mine.  I finally make it to the top and I am completely wiped I am out of breath and I am sweating llike a carton of eggs being carried by an epileptic.  I find Avida and Tom and Dave and everyone fucking else since I'm like one of the last peeps to make it.  At least the sun hasn't come up yet but when it finally does some boshitting clouds get in the way and only a small amount of the sun's rays get through in order to light up the Torres like the Royals light up National League teams.  The Torres actually do turn a slight shade of red for about 4 seconds but I have to admit it was far from spectacular.  However the entire scene in and of itself is very cool with the Torres hanging right there in front of you and the adjacent lake shimmering 1,000 feet below.

Of course we eat some cookies and drink some tea and as we are chilling and capturing the moment the rock Dave is sitting on falls due to the rock below that one falling and he almost plunges to his death.  We are on a very narrow ledge of rock and I could see where someone could die up here.  From what I hear, someone actually has.  I tell Dave it would have been a sweet picture of him tumbling down the cliff to his ultimate demise.  He's a good sport and an improv comedian so tasteless jokes go over well with him.  I joke how it would be hilarious if Argentina declared war on Chile but instead of bombing Santiago or strategic military targets they simply fly in and blow up the Torres which is one of Chile's most recognizable natural landmarks and would serve no purpose whatsoever military wise (sort of like my joke about bombing Morro de Sao Paulo, I like to recycle old jokes with new people, sue me)

Me humping bridge Torres del Paine

.  There is an asian couple up here and the husband climbed up here with a baby strapped into some special baby backpack thing.  I can't believe he did this.  I saw them earlier trekking around but I had no idea he would hike it up here with a baby strapped to his back.  I find it a bit irresponsible but also amazing.  If that baby would have been strapped to my back he would have gotten jacked up with how many times I slipped and fell on the way up here.  I think this couple must be traveling the world and they had the baby midtrip and simply said fuck it, we are taking the lil tike with us.  The lil fucker never cries either and I think if I ever have a kid it's going to be slanty eyed because obviously the chincs and japs and shit have well behaved young ones.  I read this book once about the bombing of Hiroshima and how people were laying under rubble and were injured and burned and all sorts of shit but none of them made a sound because it's in their culture not too and how it made the rescue effort impossible since they couldn't find anyone because of the silence.  Man, if that was me I would have been cussing up a storm at the top of my lungs and rescued pronto. 

We eventually climb back down and I go the correct way this time for once.  The way down is essentially climbing spiderman style on huge boulders which is fun as hell.  You have to be a bit careful though because there are some smaller rocks and they tend to come loose quite easily and by you I mean Dave

Sunrise Torres del Paine

.  Dave was about 40 feet above me and he accidentally kicked about a 5 pound rock loose and he shouts to watch out.  I look up and I see the fucker tumbling down bouncing off other boulders and rocks but it's essentially falling in a straight line.  I track the piece of crap prodigiously though because it's only about 15 feet off to my left and then all of a sudden it ricochets off a large boulder at about a 45 degree angle and it's coming straight for my head in mid air.  Fuckin shit fuck me, I duck and move to my left real quick just as it goes flying by.  To be honest, it wouldn't have hit me even if I didn't move but it was close enough that I wasn't going to take any chances.  Jesus fuck do we need to get off this mountain before someone ends up like Terri Schiavo. 

Finally we get back to camp, pack up and head out.  Dave has only been traveling for a week so I use him to get up to date sports information which I'm badly in need of.  We finish The Circuit and I feel extremely relieved as we just trekked a tough 124km (83 miles) in 7 days which equals out to about 12 miles per day.  We catch a bus and before I know it I'm back at my hostel taking the best shower of my life.  I stay in there for like 45 minutes and I during that time I decide I never ever want to go anywhere that doesn't have a shower again.  Man do showers rule.  While in the shower though I start thinking back on my recent trip and all the experiences I had and I realize it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life

The Torres in sunlight

.  I have never really been pushed in my life but it's pretty amazing what one can accomplish when forced to.  My entire life has been pretty easy and I've never had a really hard day of work in my life.  I mean sure, I had to cram for a couple tests and I've had a few long days at the office but I take for granted how lucky I am and how easy things are for me.  I mean, the CPA test was tough and yes I actually had to study my ass off for it but even then I didn't study as much as a lot of people and passing that test the first time wasn't as hard as this.  This trip was beneficial on so many levels least of which is the sense of accomplishment I feel for completing it.  I haven't felt a sense of accomplishment for a long time. 

I go book my trip on a boat for 4 days through fjords and shit and low and behold it actually turns out to be fortunate that we ran into Avida.  If Avida wouldn't have made us finish the circuit in 7 days I would have missed the boat as it leaves tomorrow and it only leaves once a week and I sure as the hell wasn't hanging in Puerto Natales for 7 more days.  Funny how things work out sometimes.  Tom, Avida and I meet up for some beers later and just like the shower it's probably the best beer I have ever tasted.  I've looked forward to those beers for a week straight.  I tell a bunch of stories tonight like how I thought someone was breaking into my apartment at 4am once since he was cussing and screaming to let him in and I had no idea who it was and I just woke up after passing out on my couch and I'm just in my boxers and I go grab my nunchucks and I'm standing on the otherside of the door telling him I have no idea who he is and he just keeps screaming "Let me in motherfucker" and then he starts kicking the door and then I think that maybe he's causing a distraction and that his boys are breaking in through the window in the back so I look at my nunchucks and I think to myself "this isn't enough firepower" so I go and grab one of my ninja swords and unsheath it and now I'm standing there in boxers with nunchucks in one hand and a sword in the other waiting for the guy to break down the door so I can stab him and possibly nunchuck him in the face.  As it turns out it was some chick's drunk ass brother visiting for the weekend and he had the wrong apartment.  Hah, could you imagine if he did kick down the door and the surprised look on his face to witness some dude standing there in boxers with a sword and nunchucks and then realizing that that dude is stabbing him and then realizing that he is going to die.  Just an example of one of my many stories told that night.

Fin

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The Torres with lake

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