Glacier Moreno

Trip Start Oct 19, 2007

102

126

Trip End Ongoing

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Flag of Argentina El Calafate, Argentina
Friday, February 15, 2008

For some reason the people who work at the hostel love me and one of the dudes there tells me he has a room for me and that it was a good thing I sent in the email to reserve the room, wink, wink. Sweet. He also tells me he has a place for me on Saturday and I think he cancels someone's reservation. What the hell is going on. Do they actually like Americans? That would be like serfs liking feudal landlords. Some other people come in and he tells them that they are booked and that they should probably just rent a tent. Maybe they like me because I gave that girl the bottle of wine, hmmmm, so giving people stuff actually works in your benefit, I will have to remember this. Carl Jung (or some psychiatrist back in the early 1900's) once said there is no such thing as a selfless act so I may as well as perpetuate the theory.

I catch a bus in order to check out Glacier Moreno which is only one of 3 non-receeding glaciers in Patagonia. The mammoth block of ice is staggering in terms of porportions as it is 65m (200 feet) high at the face 5km wide and 30km long. It comprises a total area of 250km squared. I met an American on the bus named Erik (just like my bro) who goes to Michigan and is awesome to hang with since he has essentially the same sort of humor as I do. He's from Detroit and I ask him if he hangs out with Em on 8 mile but sadly he doesn't. He'd be a lot cooler if he did. The thing about the glacier is that you can't even comprehend how massive it is because there are no reference points from which to judge it's size. I tell Erik they should put a plastic cutout of a human down there next to it which would then give one the opportunity to benchmark the relative sizes. The glacier is famous for having large pieces calve off and splash into the lake below and everyone here is just waiting for the big show. I tell Erik (after waiting for 2 hours) that coming here and not seeing the glacier calve would be just like going to prom and not getting laid. You wait and wait for the big day, then it finally comes, and then bam, your biatch is a prude or you drink too much and puke on her right before passing out or you drive a Ford Fiesta and you just can't quite get it in because you just don't have enough room which to work the angles or maybe just maybe your date has real big sleeves and she ends up liking some tool with an afro just because he said he liked them. But finally we see a huge piece calve off and we hear a loud crackling sound and a huge splash and I think to myself and outloud that this is Fucking Awesome and I think a few people look over at me.

On the bus ride back Erik and I decide to meet up later at the casino but for some reason I start to feel like shit. I get something to eat and after about 3 bites I run my ass into the bathroom and throwup everywhere. Pieces of hurl splatter and some of it hits my shoes and the bottom of my pants. Sweet, this is a good time. I go back to the hostel and puke some more, man, I didn't even get puke this much when I saw those pictures of Whitney Cathert laying there in sexy undergarments. So, ok, this has to be food poisoning and I think I know what it's from. I drank a bottle of Ser earlier which is like Sprite and I noticed that the level of the Ser in the bottle seemed pretty low, like they didn't fill it up all the way and when I opened the bottle there was no "Splish" sound present as there usually is directly after opening a carbonated beverage. I just lay on the floor in my room since the tile is cold but it is also really dirty but it's not as dirty as my shoes or the bottom of my pants so I tell myself it doesn't matter. I finally get up because I have to tell Erik I can't make it out tonight and the walk to the casino ends up being one of the toughest in my life since I feel worse than Janet Reno every time she looks in the mirror. I tell Erik I'm sick as the fuck and he probably thinks I am either lying or being a bitch. Sucks, we would have had a good time here and could probably have done some damage. I walk back and go to bed (and yes, I am still wearing my pants with the puke stains, that's how I roll down here).

Fin.