Fitz Roy and one limping ass chick
Trip Start
Oct 19, 2007
1
101
126
Trip End
Ongoing
Loading Map
El Chaten,
Argentina
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Go downstairs and some a-hole is preaching. Preaching in a hostel, come on man, this is supposed to be a place of debauchery. What the fuck is going down at this place? Whatever is going down, I decide it blows and that I need to bounce da fuck out before Billy Graham tries to convert me or dress me up as an altar boy and try to fuck me. I don`t really want to hear about the stories concerning Jesus that were written years after his death by people who didn`t even know him. How some people can take the bible literally in this day in age absolutely astounds me. I find this cool hostel but they are booked and I end up getting a room behind a locutorio (a place where you can make phone calls, both local and long distant) which is really strange but the room is actually really nice so what the hell. I head to the tourist office to get this much needed trekking map for the Fitz Roy which I planned on doing today but the weather sucks as it is cloudy and slightly raining (why do people always say It`s raining out, or where do you live at, the Out and the At are considered redundant, it`s just bad grammar. I had an interesting conversation about ending sentences with prepositions once with the most intelligent fucked up chick ever. She used to date Jason Kendall (MLB player) and do massive amounts of drugs and one time when I was at a baseball game in Milwaukee Jason Kendall came to the plate and I shouted "Hey Kendall, I fucked your ex-girlfriend", doubt if he heard me, but true and funny nevertheless, and the best part was my current girlfriend was sitting right next to me but she didn`t even care because she knew she`d catch a beat down if she lipped off, just kidding, I wouldnīt have have beaten her up, I would have killed her).
Contemplation - Fitz Roy
I run into Claudia the Swiss chick and since there is nothing to do today we go get coffee (well she got coffee, I got some strawberry juice, believe dat) and we talked for like 2 hours. Some of her stories drag and go nowhere but I have nothing else to do and she is extremely nice and she at least chuckles at whatever stupid shit I say and she decides she wants to do the Fitz Roy trek with me tomorrow. I am very apprehensive about allowing her to tag along but I figure this will be an excellent opportunity to test myself on my new slower existence.I buy a bus ticket for tomorrow so if the weather isn`t nice than I am fucked, I will not get to see the Fitz Roy. People supposedly wait here for a week sometimes and never get to see it. I meet Claudia for dinner and we split a pizza (I use the term "split" loosely as she only ended up with 3 pieces as I wolfed down 5, you gots to be quicker than that Claudia). Want a money making idea; open a Chicago type pizza joint in Argentina. The pizza here struggles but there are more pizza establishments here than bad beath germs in Chris Voss`s mouth (only Frat bros will get that joke) and Argentinians love it. I knock out 4 beers and I tell Claudia to be ready at 8:00 and that we will have to walk sort of fast because it`s supposed to be 8 hours round trip and I need to catch my bus at 6:00 (and I want time to chill while viewing the mountain as thatīs the only reason to make this trek in the first place). The last part of the trek is supposed to be as steep as Pamela Anderson`s cleavage and I am a bit worried that I made a grievous mistake by allowing Claudia to roll with me.
Fitz Roy A
And no, I didn`t mess with her after dinner. I thought about it but I`m simply not attracted to her and I`m way past the point in my life of getting on chicks that I`m not at least sexually attracted to. Now, I have no problem with the whole intellectually attracted to thing. In fact I usually find that attraction to be a turnoff. Feb 14, El Chaten
I get up at the ungodly hour of 7:30 and go grab Claudia who has probably been sitting there and prepared to go since 4:00. It`s a bit cloudy today but no rain so I take that as a good sign but I have doubts that I will get a clear view of the Fitz Roy. BTW, the famous mountain was named after Captain Fitz Roy who was the captain of the Beagle which coincidentally was the same ship that Charles Darwin was aboard while formulating his ideas on the theory of evolution (although he never called it that. That particular nomenclature was thought up by somebody else years later). The Beagle and it`s crew spent a considerable amount of time in Patagonia and a lot of shit around here is named in honor of the ships majestic voyage. Anyways, we walk for about an hour and the clouds finally disperse and we get our first real good look of the mountain range and I am getting pretty excited. Claudia is a bit slow but not bad for being a girl and she keeps up better than I expected. We get to the final ascent which is 750m up at about a 50 degree angle. It`s very steep. Claudia needs a lot of breaks so I leave her behind because I am running out of time and I don`t have the patience to take this part as slowly as she wants.
Fitz Roy Mountain - El Chaten
I do look back down the mountain every so often just to make sure she is ok and is still working her way up as she said she may not make it the entire way. I run into these two American chicks and the one says in a fatigued and exhausted voice "I`m coming Fitz Roy" and I tell her "dude, it sounds like you are humping the mountain". Then I notice the one girl has hair under her armpits and I almost puke so I bolt up the incline as fast as possible and I scramble up the last leg and then booyah, Valhalla.A beautiful lake is calmly sitting directly in front of these magnanimous pillars. Unbelievable. I can only imagine what sort of geological processes took place to produce such an unlikely natural formation. Claudia finally makes it up to the top (not the top of the Fitz Roy, just to the look out point, you have to be an expert climber to make it to the top of the mountain and people die every year trying to accomplish such a feat) and she actually tells me that if it wasn`t for me she probably wouldn`t have gone and that she is so happy that she did because the view is stunning. We have lunch up there and just chill. Claudia has a sweet ass camera but she takes about 40 pictures of the same fucking mountain. I tell her, it`s a mountain Claudia, it doesn`t move, picture number 40 is going to look exactly like picture number 3. I stay up there for about an hour but I have to get my ass back as it took 4 hours to get there and now it is 1:00. Not to mention Claudia hurt her fucking stupid leg somehow (women, can`t live with em, can`t fuck their hotter younger sisters) and since I am the greatest guy a girl has ever known, I tell her I will carry her backpack for her especially since it`s Valentine`s Day and all.
Fitz Roy n clouds
But now I have to carry her backpack on my back and my backpack on my front which is going to be a pain in the ass but at least we will move quicker. I feel just like that time Hempen stabbed himself in the eye on moving day and I was carrying a fucking recliner down the stairs by myself with the seat of it resting on my head and when I got to the bottom and looked at Hempen who was directly behind me he was carrying two pillows and reiterating the fact that since he had a patch on one eye he had no depth perception and hence couldn`t carry anything too bulky or heavy, perfect. We trek back a bit slowly since she is limping but I give her credit as she is in good spirits and doesn`t make a fuss. The time gets to be 4:30 and she tells me I need to get going, which is true, but I am a bit worried about leaving her ass behind. I take off anyways as I have to make my bus and there are other people on this route so if for some reason something happens to her someone will find her (and probably leave her, just like I would, kidding). I run my ass off, hopping down steps like Qbert and shit and I make it back to town at 5:00 and I am completely out of breath. I grab my bag, which by the way the people at the locutorio set outside, that`s cool asses, grab some food and some chocolate milk (ahhhh milk) and hop on the bus. I see Claudia walk by and I am relieved as that is one less thing I have to worry about and now I have eliminated all my worries to zero once again. Not true, I have no place booked for Calafate (and up to this point I have never booked a place in advance, except for my first hostel in Rio, but this is high season and I heard it`s tough to find a place in Calafate right now), and although I am not worried I suppose I am a bit apprehensive.
Me in front of Fitz Roy
If worse comes to worse I can always camp. I arrive in Calafate and go to the hostel I had in mind and of course they are booked but this girl working behind the desk is awesome and calls like 15 other places and finally she tells me the bad news, there are no places in Calafate tonight, Sweet. She tells me though they have 2 mattresses up in the loft and I can grab one of those for the night at a reduced rate and I instantly want to hump this chick in order to thank her. I put my bag in the loft and I end up hitting my head on one of the low beams and I just say to myself "go figure" as I am getting immune to banging my head on everything down here. So I hit up the town and I find this outdoor concert and the band is pretty decent but obviously all the words are in Spanish and I can`t make out much of what they are singing about (just like Heavy Metal music in America). The crowd is pretty subdued and I can`t imagine they even know what a mash pit or crowd surfing is. I see a casino on the main drag on the way back and of course I can`t resist and I sit down with 5 of the Isrealis I met on the 28 hour bus ride at a bj table (black jack, not what you are thinking fag) and the fucking Isrealis don`t know how to play any better than the locals. This is unbelievable. I think they must have watched locals play somewhere and picked up their awful skillset. They split 10`s against dealer bust cards and stay on 14`s and shit against a 10, you know the usual strategy down here. I end up winning somehow and I cash out for $70P.
Me n da Fitz Roy
Isrealis crack me up, they are excellent at finding shit for less than everyone else (like they found a really inexpensive place to stay at someone`s house which just had a little sign in the front yard) and they are the cheapest fuckers I have ever met. They haggle over every price and they always think they get stiffed when they get change back, it`s absolutely hilarious watching them buy stuff. They also find ways around the system in order to maximize cost savings but while simultaneously sacrificing convenience. Like tomorrow, they are renting a car for 5 of them and they are driving to the Moreno Glacier at 5am before the ticket booth opens in order to avoid having to pay the $40P entrance fee. By renting a car they actually save money compared to taking the bus. Very igenious. They tell me I could come but they don`t think I would fit, which is true and I don`t feel like getting up at 4:30am anyways. Isrealis man, they are the whiniest, dumbest, yet most intelligent fuckers I have ever met. I`m pretty stoked about the $70P I won and I buy the chick working at the hostel a bottle of wine. When I get back though she is gone for the night, bollocks. I meet some Argentinian chick who is chilling on the couch in the lobby and I have to take pictures with her and she tells me she is going to tell all her friends that I was her boyfriend for the week she was on vacation which I take as a good sign. The thing is she is only 19 years old but fuck it who cares and we hang out for a bit and she tries to teach me some spanish. I am dead tired as this has been an extremely long day and I tell her I have to go crash up in the loft and that when she is done hanging out down here she can feel free to come join me and teach me more spanish. She sadly never shows up, which is probably just as well as I was out within 5 minutes. It`s a bit odd sleeping up here but the price is right and my sleeping bag finally comes in handy.
Fin
