First day in Patagonia and it kicks my butt

Trip Start Oct 19, 2007
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Trip End Ongoing


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Flag of Argentina  ,
Friday, February 1, 2008

I arrive in Puerto Madryn and I rent a bike at the hostel in order to check out a sea lion rookery (what the fuck is a rookery anyway) 17km away.  I figure, 17km on a bike, no problema, yeah right.  That was the toughest bike ride of my life.  I am absolutely in no man`s land and it`s just this desolate road of gravel, dirt and sand.  There are strong head winds (hah head winds, what is that, a chick giving you head but also blowin on your junk on the same time, is that even possible, or maybe it`s simply getting head outside) and it seems as though I`m always fucking going uphill which sucks ass.  I think about turning back a few times but damn it I hate giving up and I really want to see this stupid rookery.  I ride quite far and I begin to think that I am lost.  Whenever a car rolls by (not very often) it kicks up dirt and dust and all kinds of shit and even though I am wearing sunglasses all that crap somehow miraculously finds its way to my eyeball like a load of jizz in a porno (not my eyeball, a slut`s eyeball).  My lefteye (RIP) is fucking burning from a combination of dust and sweat and I am going about 5km per hour since the wheels can`t get any traction on this surface and about 1 out of every 5 pedal cranks the wheels just spin and I go nowhere.  On the plus side, it wouldn`t be Patagonia if it wasn`t tough.  This is exactly how imagined it though.  The sky is simply enormous with the horizons stretching out way beyond what I figured to be their capacity.  I have the ocean to my left and rolling desolate plains to my right with some fancy rock formations thrown in every once in awhile just for a change in scenery.  If Puerto Madryn had a college basketball team they would definitely be in the Big Sky Conference.  This ride is very challenging and I tell myself after this huge hill looming ahead that if I don`t see some fucking sea lions I`m turning back. 

I get up over the hill and I see another dude standing off on the side of the road with his bike turned upside down.  Oh brother, this can`t be good.  Not a good place to have your bike break.  I try to help but I don`t really know how to fix anything let alone a bike (I can barely fix scrambled eggs).  Thankfully someone in a car comes by with some tools (not Rob Martins, actual tools) and gets to work which is awesome because it allows me to take off without being rude (I wasn`t doing shit anyways besides getting in the way, just like on most occassions in life).  I finally get to the stupid rookery and pay my small admission fee and bike up another fucking hill but at least the cuss words have stopped eminating from my mouth every few seconds since I know I`m close and I get to the top and look down upon the beautiful Atlantic and see about 100 sea lions just chilling on some inlet into one of the cliffs (that sentence has to be considered a run on).  It is very cool seeing sea lions in their natural habitat as opposed to a zoo.  The scenery is fantastic and I truly feel like I am in the middle of nowhere.  There are some other people there which sort of ruins that feeling but I do a good job of blocking them out of my mind.  I will come to realize that as much as I like people (well, some people, obviously not Finish people) they really do get in the way when you are in some far off remote area and you want to feel as one with nature and then you look over and there are like 5 chinese fuckers popping off about 40 pictures every minute. 

My ride back is pretty easy considering I have a tail wind (ok, same lame joke, but getting ass instead of getting head) and it`s mostly downhill.  I go to the beach when I get back to Puerto Madryn but it`s not a very nice day for the beach since it`s so windy and sand blows everywhere not to mention the lack of chicks in bikinis.  Back at the hostel I play some cards with these two Indian dudes and the card game sucks worse than their smell.  The game is so fucking basic and they even tell me there is no strategy to it, it`s all luck, but after I lose the first 2 games I realize there is a strategy to it and then I win mostly from there on out and now the game isn`t so stupid anymore.  Some English dude sits down and starts playing and he`s pretty cool and we crack jokes but then he wants to go out and get some beers.  Fuck!!!  Ok, I can`t, I made some promises to myself and I`m not going to break them, at least not tonight anyways.

BTW:  You have no idea how stoked I am that the Royals beat the Tigers (possibly the best team in MLB) on opening day.  And not only that but my newly loved favorite player in all the world and my new bestest idol in which I will make many disturbing comments about to my friends back home hit a two run homer which ignited the comeback.  And not only that but UNC is in the final four.  Man, I love it here, but I really do wish I wasn`t missing these games. 

Fin
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