I play with high school kids

• Merkdog4's Profile
• About this blog
• Entry from Piriapolis

Trip Start Oct 19, 2007 Previous
Entry Trip End Ongoing Next
Entry

  Piriapolis, Uruguay
Saturday, January 19, 2008

Jan 18. 

I sleep for 12 hours and I miss breakfast.  Man, I miss more breakfasts than Shaq misses free throws, the cubs miss the world series, Lance Armstrong misses his testicles or I miss a strong US dollar.  I go to the beach and the weather is perfect.  I give Uruguay credit, it seems to always have beautiful weather, well based on the 4 days I have been here.  Later on I go to the bus station to get a bus ticket back to Colonial and a boat ticket to get me back to BA.  I run into Vanessa and Carolina there and I am glad she made it but apparently she freaked a bit when she woke up and found out I wasn`t there.  I get the feeling they aren`t ovrly pleased with the fact that I left, but they don`t explicity say anything.  And here`s the thing with Vanessa since I probably didn`t make it clear in the other article, I didn`t try anything with her because I didn`t want to mess with her.  Believe me, white skinned non tan having Goth chicks aren`t my idea of good looking.  But even though I didn`t want to be with her I guess I didn`t want anyone else to be with her either since I felt like her protector.  I have many character flaws and a few that are sort of related are that I always want to be the best, I need to be the center of attention at times and I usually want a girl to like me even if I don`t like her.  So for me the best scenario would have been for Vanessa to try something with me, me turn her down and then she gets on one of the other two Swedes who I liked.  If that makes sense.  It`s rough being me, I have many problems.  What did Hogger tell that one chick who he was trying to hit on, I think he told her I had a lot of personality flaws (oh yeah, that`s it), thanks Hogger.  I think Hogger also told this chick who I used to date and who I really like that I dumped her because she had a big ass.  Thanks again buddy.  But I guess it evens out in the end, I did tell Amy that you became a Big Brother/Big Sister to a retarded 14 year old highschool student and that you ended up messing with her, and the best part is she believed me which means that she believes you are capable of such an act.  Hilarious.  Well, to me at least.

Anyways, we part company and I go back to the beach and swim in the ocean for a long ass time which sort of rejuvenates me.  Later that night I go out for a bit and I notice there are high school students everywhere.  There are 1,000`s of them.  They are all hanging out on the boardwalk/sidewalk that runs along the beach just chilling and passing bottles of beer around.  They all have their car doors open and music blasting and I think how awesome would it be to be a teenager and spend your summer here especially since drinking here is so easy for young kids.  I think about trying to hang out with them and I totally would have as I think it would have been hilarious and I could have been like the cool old dude, but that whole language barrier thing sort of disuades me.  I get some dinner and beer and walk the strip but I don`t see any hopping spots for the above 18 year old crowd.  Oh, to backtrack a day, I met this 15 year old girl from Montevideo on the beach because I forgot my sandals as I took them off to play volleyball and she came running up to me and asked if I left them, oops I fucking did.  She was super cool and quite mature (more so than me even) and spoke English so I gave her the time of day and talked to her for a bit.  She told me there was a huge club here called Vertigo but it`s only for 18 and younger kids (Why does it seem as if all underage clubs are called Vertigo?).  She told me there were a couple of cool spots for me to hang out at but the directions seemed a bit confusing, guess I should have had her be more specific.  I decide to sort of nix the going out thing tonight, not really sure where to go to be honest.  I go to the casino but they don`t even have blackjack, just roulette and a ton of slots.  Probably a good thing as I don`t lose any money tonight.

January 19, Piriapolis
Get some breakfast (I missed it again, how I have no idea) at some restaurant and when I come back I notice I have a new roomate.  He isn`t there but his stuff is along with a pint of whiskey on the dresser.  I go to the beach and when I come back 3/4 of it is gone, I kid you not.  Looks like my new roomate is an alcoholic and just the type of person I need to hang out with on my last night in town.  Later on at the beach I realize I`m in sort of a downer mood.  Not really sure why, but I`m just sort of moping around not talking to anyone.  One reason is definitely because this place is packed with highschool kids and I don`t really want to start talking (which would seem like hitting on) to girls in highschool and it`s tough to tell who is in highschool and who isn`t.  The other reason is that most of the girls that definitely are out of highschool are here with a guy.  The other reason may just be because I`m in a blah mood.  Ok, I read this can happen when you are traveling by yourself for so long especially in non-english speaking countries.  The best thing to do is just to force yourself out of it but luckily for me I don`t have to force anything because I see Amanita (the 15 year old, which is contradictory to what I just said, but it`s different since she isn`t like a complete stranger that I walk up to on the beach and just start talking to) on the sidewalk as I am walking and we hang out for awhile and then Jane rolls up on a bike and then a good friend of Amanita`s strolls up and now I am having a good time.  We all hang out and tell stories of which I`m usually pretty good at especially with people who haven`t heard my bag of gems yet.  Jane asks me what I am doing here (meaning Piriapolis) because it`s such a strange place for a foreigner to visit and I tell her I have no idea.  She asks if I even know where I am and I tell her I don`t (at this point in time I still didn`t remember the name of this place) and it`s turns into sort of a joke that I have no idea where I am or even the name of where I am. 

Here`s the deal with Piriapolis in case anyone cares.  So all the wealthy families in BA and in Montevideo either go to Punta del Este (Uruguay) or Mel del Plata (Argentina) for the summer.  All the upper middle income families go to or have summer houses in Piriapolis.  Piriapolis is like the red headed step child to the other two aforementioned beach resort cities.  Piriapolis is like Garfunkel to Simon, The other two knobs from 98 degrees to Nick Lachey, Dean Martin to Frank Sinatra (some people would disagree with this), Jessie Spano to Kelly Kapowski, Buenos Aires to Rio de Janeiro, Hillary Clinton to Barack Obama, Ewee to Me (just playing tiger), Matchbox cars to Hotwheels, Reebox to Nike, Hawaiin Punch to Hi C, Alex P Keaton to Mike Seaver or Duke to UNC.  These houses are only used for 3 months out of the year and then abandoned.  Like Amanita`s family has a summer home here and so does her friend`s family (forgot her name) and so does Matis`s family. 

I tell Jane I wish there were beer vendors here like in Brazil.  She asks if I want a beer and I`m like does Soda Pop Pinski want to be after Mr. Sandman in Tyson`s Punch Out, hell yes.  She apparently does as well and we walk to a little store to get a liter of Stella Artois.  I tell her we should probably get another one but she thinks one will be enough, hah, yeah right.  The highschool girls tag along and we all sit down on the beach and Jane and I pass the bottle between each other as if we are drinking a 40 of OE.  Sip, sip, give, you fucking up the rotation.  And since one of my prementioned character flaws is having to be the center of attention at times I have to do all my little tricks, sans card magic, and the hit is my skill of barking like a little dog.  Jane goes to get another beer after about 20 minutes and I see Matis and he`s been at Punta del Este all day drinking and he`s a mess.  Us 3 eventually leave and go to a rooftop bar/restaurant to get food and more beer.  We see a race going on down on the street below us and Matis tells me that a few years ago he was wasted and as the lead runner was about 500 meters from the finish line he started to run with him and that he (Matis) crossed the finishline first.  Hilarious.  I would have died laughing.  Jane has to act as interperter but I understand some of what he tells me.  Jane tells me she is bisexual, this is of course after I made a derogatory gay comment, and I persuade her to tell me more of her ex-girlfriend and the kinds of things they used to do.  She doesn`t really go into details, boshit.  What an asshole, I hate Jane.  We split and we agree to meet up in front of this ice cream shop at like midnight.  I hope they show up as I would love to hang out with them but Matis is fucked up and I have a feeling he won`t be making it out tonight. 

I buy a liter of beer and I go to one of the ice cream shops on the strip but there are like 4 others but this one is the biggest.  I wait and wait but I don`t see them anywhere so I start to wander.  I run into Amanita and her friend and they give me specific directions of where I need to go to hang out but it`s still too early so she asks if I want to play pool against them, do I, hell yes, and I tell them when I win I`m going to rub it in their face and of course I do after whooping them.  I need more beer so we leave and to get me one and then as we are walking by an arcade they decide we should play some games.  Sweet, lets rock.  We sit down and play some car racing game that is linked up like Crusin USA and I have to laugh at this situation.  32 years old, in some random ass place in Uruguay which I don`t even know the name of, playing car racing games while drinking beer at 1am against two 15 year old highschool kids, can`t get much more random and bizarre than that.  I get 2nd in the car racing game, and I`m so fucking pissed that I suggest 1 more game of pool before we head our separate ways.  I guess Vertigo has an over 18 year old area where you can drink and they tell me I could go there, but no, I think I`ll try to find the over 18 club as it would be nice to find some chicks I could actually mess with without going to jail or feeling like a complete scumbag.  This thought cracks me up though, I`m imagining some sleezebag in the 18 + section at Vertigo buying drinks and giving em to chicks in the underage part of the club, you know it happens.  This also reminds me of one of the great Shawn Merker stories, which happens to be Wieden`s favorite and most of you know if but in case you don`t, here it goes.....This chick I used to date was flying in from out of town for xmas and I was going to her parent`s house to meet her.  She was going to be in town for a week and I realized I didn`t have any condoms.  So as I am driving by a Target I decide to stop to get the much need provisions.  While I am in there I buy the jumbo 36 pack of condoms (an entire week remember) and then I decide to buy a bottle of lotion since it`s winter and my skin tends to dry out and my bottle back home is almost empty.  So, this girl has a nephew who is like 4 at the time and two little nieces who are like 3 and 5 or something like that and since I will be spending xmas with them I figure I should get the kids a present.  I haven`t ever bought little kids presents before and I`m a bit anxious from not knowing what the hell to get them.  But I look around and I see this cool little baseball glove with a little ball.  It`s adorable and I have to buy that for the nephew.  Then I buy a big stuff teddy beer for the older of the two nieces and a talking elmo doll for the younger one.  Sweet, I have all my stuff.  But then I realize as I am putting my items on the conveyer belt to be scanned by the cashier that I have a little baseball glove, a teddy bear, an elmo doll, a big bottle of lotion and a 36 pack of condoms.  Hah, funniest fucking thing ever, if you could ever look like more of a pedaphile without actually being one I would like to hear how.  I was actually worried the cashier was going to ring the cops, but luckily I got away with it.  The look that was on the cashier`s face was pretty good as well.  We sort of exchanged this weird little glance.  This story is much better when told in person btw.

Ok, so anyways, I whoop the chicks at pool again (they are actually pretty good) and I`m now content and feel like a winner and decide to find one of these clubs.  I get there at 2:30 and this place is sick.  We totally should have come here to party over winter break when we were in college as it totally reminds me of spring break.  I can`t believe I didn`t come here the night before.  Suck me.  It is completely off the hook and there are people my age (well, over 18) and hot chicks galore.  I talk to I don`t know how many girls but at least 20 as I am somewhat of an attraction and stand out quite a bit being the only American and non latino here.  I don`t really talk to any that I really really want to hook up with though but I have many seeds planted for later in case nothing better comes along.  I do notice that a bunch of girls are starting to pair off with guys though and I better make a move fast or otherwise it`ll be lights out.  Then I ask this hot chick for a cigarette and I talk to her for a bit but her english is pretty bad and so is my spanish so it doesn`t move very quickly.  Then this guy comes up to me and tells me this girl he is friends with likes me and really wants to meet me.  I give a little sigh, like I don`t know (I don`t really want to ditch the girl I`m sort of talking to in order to meet some other chick who`s probably not nearly as attractive but at least this guys speaks english so I assume his friend does also).  He asks if I want to see a picture of her first and I`m like shoot.  He shows me a few pictures of her in his phone and she`s bad, so I`m like hell yes introduce me to that bitch.  He tells me to wait and he`ll get her.  Bam, she`s hot, she`s cool and she speaks perfect english.  Word.  We hang out for probably an hour or so and eventually age comes into the conversation (people here always want to know how old you are, strange).  I actually tell the truth, as I assume she is at least 22 or 23 and being 32 isn`t a big deal in latin america.  She then tells me the worst news in the world.  She`s only 16, FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
I can`t fucking believe it, how the hell is she only 16????????  She got in on a fake ID or some shit.  The funny part is she doesn`t even care that I`m 32 and she tells me that we can go back to her place together.  Man, the fucking predicaments I get myself into.  Do you know how hard it is to be drunk, having it be 7am in the morning with more or less all other chances gone, have a gorgeous chick invite you back to her place and saying  NO to her.  You have no idea.  But, man, I have to have some principles.  I wish she would have just lied to me and told me she was 18.  I tell her I can`t go and I basically just put my head down, cuss a bunch of times and leave.  FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.  I am the only person in the world who could have screwed up in that bar/club.  I have to get back to my hostel and pack because it is 7am and I have to catch a bus in 2 hours since I leave at 9.

Fin

Print this entry Share Piriapolis hotels

Previous Entry Next Entry