I show supernatural self-restraint

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  Buenos Aires, Argentina
Saturday, January 12, 2008

Real time:  Ok, just got back from my trek last night, we actually did it in 6 nights, 7 days which is crazy fast.  Most people do the circuit around Torres del Paine in 8-9 days.  Look up Torres del Paine on the internet if curious.  I didnīt shower the entire time and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life as I was carrying a heavy backpack loaded with food, sleeping bag, extra clothes etc.  It was well worth the struggles though.  Tonight I take a 4 day boat trip from Puerto Natales up to Puerto Mont sailing by glaciers and fjords and stuff, so once again I wonīt have internet access. 

Oh, and this is quite heavy, I booked my ticket home today.  It was really really tough to do but I figured I would get better prices now than if I waited to the last minute.  I leave from Lima on May 12 (a little earlier than I wanted to leave but the best price and flight times I could find within a week stretch).  I canīt believe I have to go back in 2 months and a week.  It will be very strange being back in the states and returning to "real life" but I am totally looking forward to spending the summer in Chicago and I really need to start playing sports again (that is the thing I miss the most being here) and I think I need some kind of competition against people as opposed to competition against nature, possibly because itīs not nearly as much fun to talk shit to nature when you beat it compared to people.  I canīt even imagine everything I have to do when I get back, pack, find apt, move, call cc company, call bank, get cable and the mlb package, call com ed, peopleīs gas, get health insurance, get this get that do this etc etc, I will worry about that when the time comes I guess. 

Ok, back to blog.  Jan 12  Buenos Aires.

Check out the Metropolitan Cathedral (I canīt believe I havenīt seen it yet) and it is very impressive.  In one of the side altars I see that a woman is crying and instead of trying to console her, I just shake my head in disbelief that people take this religious crap so seriously.  Yes, I will be going to hell if such a place exists.  I am walking down Florida Ave (a pedestrian only street with more shopping than woodfield mall) and I suddenly find myself in a movie theater about ready to watch Soy Lleyenda (I am Legend) with Will Smith.  I donīt know why actually, maybe because I saw posters for it everywhere which probably means itīs a big budget suckbuster.  But I do have to piss, itīs only $15 pesos ($5usd) and itīs crazy hot here.  I donīt even realize what I did until I sit down in the dark theater and Iīm like what???????  Did I really just decide to watch a movie????  Weird.  Seriously, one of the strangest moments of my life.  It was if I didnīt even remember how I got there, almost as though I was abducted by aliens and I had just experienced lost time.  The movie ended up blowing btw.  I guess the dog did a pretty good job.  I think this movie was solely used as a platform to try to get The Fresh Prince an oscar nomination as I can see where a movie like this could generate an oscar winning performance since the entire film was based on one actorīs ability and charisma carrying it all the way to the end.  I think Will failed concerning this objective though as his acting seemed forced at times and a bit contrived and unrealistic. 

I catch the subway after watching the movie and I need to walk up a bunch of stairs in order to transfer trains and when I get all the way to the top some guy tells me I can`t go this way because they are doing construction or some shit.  Hmmm, been nice if you would have had a sign informing me of this situation BEFORE I walked up 100 fucking stairs.  Sweet, now I have to walk back down them.  As I am walking back to my hostel I see a shirt in a store window which looks just like a Puma shirt, same exact logo and stuff, but instead of saying PUMA it says VACA (cow) with a cow jumping over the letters, not sure why but this cracked me up. 

I hang out at the hostel with Juan and Santiago (the two brothers who own the hostel) and some of Juan`s friends and we knock out several beers and then we take off to the bar district in Palermo.  Juan`s friend kills me as he`s probably 28 years old and he smokes a joint while driving his pickup truck of which Juan and I are seated in the front with him and he keeps yelling out the window at chicks walking by.  Once again, I have never ever seen this tactic work and it`s pretty funny to realize the world over guys have no better pick up lines sometimes then screaming at chicks from a moving vehicle.  Not sure what he says but at one point he gets flipped off by some chick and Juan and I decide this is pretty fun and we start screaming at chicks as well.  I don`t even know what I was saying, basically just jibberish I reckon (I`m in a pickup truck, have to use words like reckon).  We go to some party of some chick who is having a birthday and Juan starts talking to her since they are friends but she has a boyfriend there and I guess he gets jealous or some shit.  I had no idea this was even going on as I was downstairs talking to some other peeps.  Finally Juan and Santiago and their 3 friends grab me and tell me we need to go, ummm, Ok.  We get outside and like 5 other guys follow us out and a pretty heated arguement ensues.  I take one look at these knobs and realize I myself could probably whoop all 5 of em, but Juan and his friends are just as scrawny looking and it would probably be a good fight if I just let them go at it.  But I need to gain some street cred here and I jump in the middle of the two groups and I flare my arms out and I start yelling at em to get the fuck out of here.  So funny, both groups are screaming at each other and I`m just standing there acting as a barrier and nobody ends up doing shit.  I know damn well the other group wanted no part of this (hah) but they had to make a good showing.  Ok, well that`s good, that`s squashed and now Juan and Santiago think I`m a badass.  Lets party, fuck fighting. 

I actually leave at some point and head off to some place called Maluka as some chick I met earlier text me and told me to meet her there.  Cool.  The place is massive and techno is banging out of the speakers.  I have no idea how I`m going to find this chick but I eventually do at one of the upstairs bars.  I hang out with her and her posse for a bit and me and the chick leave to get some food as it is 7am and we are starving.  We sit down at some restaurant right by her apartment and I order a Ham and Cheese samich ($8p), she gets a hamburger ($10p) and we order a bottle of water ($4p).  I`m pretty wasted and instead of waiting for the bill I simply hand the waiter a $50p bill and I know exactly what my change should be (I always know) and he brings me back a $2p bill and I`m like "yeah, our meal was only $22p, you owe me another $26p".  He tells me he`s sorry but I owe $48p.  I`m like what the fuck dude, give me my bill.  So he brings me a piece of paper with $48 written on it.  Ok, I start to lose it here and I start yelling at him telling him I want an itemized bill and he just sits on his fucking stool with a blank stare.  There is only one other person working, some old dude and he gives me the thumbs up sign and now I am thoroughly confused.  The girl who obviously speaks spanish starts arguing with them but they don`t move.  Ok, now I`m enraged and I think about grabbing the guy by the throat, dragging him to the cash register and making him give me my change, but for some reason I don`t.  Maybe I`m a pussy.  I`m not sure why I didn`t beat the piss out of them.  Maybe because that girl lives right next to the place, maybe because they were pretty old (esp the one guy, had to be in his 60`s) or maybe I was too much of bitch and I didn`t want to get arrested.  So instead I basically just start cussing out the guy sitting on the stool and throwing my middle finger in his face.  Uhhhh, I`m so fucking pissed right now as the two guys just basically sit there and the old fucker gives me the thumbs up sign again.  Ok, well, if I ain`t going to punch these fuckers then by golly I`m going to at least throw a temper tantrum which I do quite well.  I go from table to table and start chucking napkin holders full of napkins and I sort of throw the table and I think some ketchup packs and shit and I storm out of there and I kick the door as hard as I can (hopefully I broke it) and then as I am walking down the sidewalk I reach my hand into the windows and grab the napkin holders on the windowside tables and chuck those as well.  Probably not the best way to handle it, but it had to have been hilarious from an outside perspective.  I mean, I really wish I would have just fucked up the dudes, but over $8usd it`s probably best I didn`t.  I was so pissed though and I could barely sleep because I kept thinking of ways to nonviolently get back at them.  By the time I woke up though I lost all impetus regarding this course of action and I just chalked it up to a part of traveling and fodder for a somewhat amusing story.

Fin

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