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Worst black jack players ever
Entry 76 of 126 | show all | print this entry |
Jan 9, Buenos Aires
Walk around alot, and check out whatever it was I checked out. I do know I went to the Japanese gardens. It was what you would expect, tranquil, serene and boring. I notice there is an ice cream shop (heladeria) on every corner in BA and I see 100`s if not thousands of people a day walking around wit ice cream. I find this strange but instead of questioning it I decide to get some ice cream myself and blow me down it`s off the hook. No wonder portenos eat this shit like it just came out of Toni Braxton`s ass (Toni Braxton from like 8 years ago though). The problem was though that the ice cream melted in about 12 seconds and now my hands are all sticky and I really wished I had a pair of those ice cream gloves Ali G wanted Donald Trump to help market. I have a spanish lesson at 8 with Juan and Santiago`s mother. Juan and Santiago are two brothers who own and work at the hostel and their mom is an English teacher, so I figured what the hell. I do learn some shit but the problem is she is a highschool teacher and she teaches like she teaching a highschool student. She`s really nice but I can tell if I was in school she would have been one of the teachers I disliked. She just has that attitude where you can tell she thinks she is much more intelligent than you are and in this particular case she obviously is. I learn a good deal but she won`t let me think and work through the words or conjugations on my own and she gives me the answer way too quickly. She is also all over the place and there really isn`t structure to the class. But like I said, it helped and it only cost me $30 pesos for an hour lesson.
I work out at the gym but for some reason I don`t feel quite right and this bug bite under my eye isn`t really getting any better, it`s still swelled up like Kanye West`s head. Not sure what my problem is, but maybe my body is in need of a long recuperation after the drunk ass 2.5 months in Brazil. That was sort of my plan anyways, party my ass off like I was 20 in Brazil, chill and relax in BA (supposed to be in a nice apt with a pool, but we already covered this), and then sight see the rest of the time with some partying thrown in here and there. Lord, could you imagine doing this trip when you were 20 or whatever, it would be absolutely insane. You would seriously party every night and I can only imagine the crazy ass shit that would have gone down. If I was 20 and on this trip this blog would be absolutely the funniest thing ever written but on the other hand it would never have gotten written, so a bit of a catch 22. I notice there are mini marts here that are called "Open 25 hours". What? That`s retarded and it makes no sense. This is about as stupid as you and a bunch of your friends tossing eggs off of your buddy`s condo balcony, first at apartments across the parking lot and then upon realizing they are too far away to hit taking aim at a van in the lot that is much closer. Oh yeah, and being in your 30`s while doing it (not saying this happened, just making a comparison and stuff, you know).
Jan 10, Tigre
Catch a train to Tigre, a small lil town that`s supposed to be nice and more importantly has a casino. I see a billboard of a chick with breast cancer or some shit but her tit is hanging out and it`s a pretty nice one so I take a couple pics of it. I will include it in the blog later. The train there and back only costs $2.20 pesos, can`t beat the price, not even Walmart or Cosco could compete. I walk around a bit and check out an art mueseum that was converted from a Yacht club or some kind of pretentious hangout for those with too much cake who want to talk about the stockmarket, make highbrow jokes that make no sense like you find in the New Yorker and drink port. I won`t bore everyone with the details, but Tigre is a nice place to spend a day in. It has a lot of charm. I walk around and have a bunch of random thoughts but I didn`t record them in my phone and I have forgotten all of them. I do remember thinking though that Argentina doesn`t supply nearly as much humor as Brazil does. In Argentina things work better, Argentina is much cleaner and while this is nice it also simultaneously sucks because I can`t laugh at all the stupid shit because there just isn`t as much of it. Go to casino and the pit boss tells me poker won`t be up until 3. Damn, I have a couple hours. I decide to sit down and play some black jack and the first thing I get told is that I can`t wear a hat, I can`t buy checks from the dealer and when I finally do get checks (have to buy from cashier) I have to get told what the denominations are since there is none stated on the checks. Hmmm, now that is pretty stupid. But not as stupid as this, everyone here plays like complete pussies. Nobody, I mean nobody at the table will hit a 14 against a 10, nobody. Nobody hits 14 against an 7, 8 or 9 either. This is unbelievable. Some people don`t even hit 13 against a 10. I can`t believe what I am seeing. It`s just not 1 or two people, it`s everyone at the table, it`s just how Argentinians play. How can they possibly not know how to play correctly? Did the casinos in Argentina get together and publish a "How to play BJ" book but with incorrect content and strategy. Is everything regarding correct BJ strategy in this book that I made up just completey incorrect in order to make maximize profits. I feel as though it almost has to exist. If so, that is hilarious but it`s killing me at the moment. I am sitting there in complete shock and disbelief. One of the oddest things I have ever witnessed in my life and I`m starting to get extremely annoyed. This is worse than that time I was up like $1,200 and actually got up from the table and then blew it all waiting for Lysander to show up. I don`t understand how anyone ever wins laying like this. I feel like I walked into Bizarro World and sooner or later the bizarro Jerry, Kramer and George are going to come strolling through the door and tell me I`m on candid camera. I lose $200 pesos fairly quickly and the best part is I can tell that the Argentinians don`t like how I play especially since I`m sitting at 3rd base. I hit a 16 against a 10 like I do 90% of the time, I busted with a 10 and then the dealer pulls 3 cards to 20 and I took her bust card and I got a few sighs and stares. This is simultaneously the most amazing and suckiest experience of my life. Hah, holy shit, I can`t explain to you how bad I just want to scream at everyone and tell them that they are completely playing like labotomy patients and that they are all stupid fucking morons. It`s like in the movie Beautiful Girls, where Michael Rappaport says "it`s like the retarded kid who doesn`t know that he`s retarded, so he`s perfectly content". This is the perfect quote for this most mind boggling of situations. I just want to rip these fucker`s heads off and throw them against a wall, line up all the heads against the wall and yell at them through a megaphone.......14 WON`T WIN AGAINST A 20 DUMB FUCKS!!!!!!!!! Ok, sorry, I`m done. Ok, I will be back at 3:30, if these assholes are as bad at poker as they are at bj I will completely clean up.
Come back at 4:30 but poker is just poker against the dealer, not real poker, fuck. I`m so stupid I play bj again thinking that maybe all the guys at the table were buddys and it was just them who didn`t play correctly and not everyone in Argentina, but I was wrong. I lose another $200 pesos and I`m not happy at my wanton act of imprudence. Take the train back and upon returning I learn that you need your fucking ticket to exit. Why, this is boshit, I had to insert my ticket to get on the train in the first place to get on why do I need it to exit. I don`t have it because I think I tossed it and now I have to pay $8 pesos to fucking leave. I am steaming right now. I fucking hate BA as much as people who honk their horns at any chance they get, landlords who charge you for every little nick in the wall and dirt mark by taking $ out of your security deposit or neighbors that bitch about you parking your car on the street in front of their house even though it`s a public street and obviously no designated parking exists (all of these people need to be tortured, killed and then thrown in the garbage, I`m not being facetious). I think about giving the dude a $100 peso bill just to be an asshole because I know they will be running in circles trying to make change but then I think better of it as they may just keep the $100 pesos saying they don`t have change. I sort of want to blow this city up right now, but it`s mostly my fault. I mean, I totally knew how Argentinians played bj and I played again and I threw away my ticket. Ok, lesson learned. I see chick on the back of a motorcycle and she looks hot and then I realize that a lot of chicks look hot on the back of motorcycles and then I realize that I can`t see her face because she has a helmet on and that that theory of mine keeps getting proved over and over again. Another thing that pisses me off is that the fucking subway runs opposite of what I am used to. The subways run as though you would be driving on the left hand side of the road like in fucking England or something. If the platform is on each side of the tunnel and if I am standing there and I hear the train coming from the left side then I think my train is coming (would be reversed if the platform was in the middle) but I would be wrong, it`s for the other side of the platform. Why, nobody drives on the left side of the road here. This makes no sense and I become confounded again. I think actually that the English built this subway for Argentina and that would explain the ridiculousness.
Get to hostel, talk to new Colombian roomate and learn a lot of interesting shit regarding Colombia. Oh and one thing I have learned from other travelers is that Colombia is fucking awesome and it`s a lot of backpackers favorite destination in SA. Man, I had no idea you could even travel to Colombia. Another thing about SA and the world over is that a lot of kids don`t go away to college. It`s funny that so many people ask me if college is like it is in the movies and I tell them for the most part that it is (I feel like I have already written about this, if sol, sorry). They get this weird sort of gleam in their eyes when I tell them this revelation concerning America. One Isreali guy I roomed with told me that it was his dream (and as he tells me this he has his hands together as in prayer) since he was a teenager to go to an American college party. It was so funny as he was so enthralled with the idea. I gave him my email and phone no. and told him if he ever gets to Chicago to contact me and I will take him to a college party. His excitement upon me telling him this was nothing short of exuberant and I think he just may be coming at some point this summer.
I go out with Juan and Santiago later that night to some pimp ass bar in Palermo. This place is filled with internationals and hardly any Argentinians which sucks. I meet a bunch of Americans from the University of Minnesota and the girls are cool but the guys are complete jag offs. They grab and pull at every chick that walks by and they are completely wasted and rude and obnoxious (even more than I ever am) and I think to myself, man, no wonder people view Americans the way they do. The big problem I think is that America needs to let up on the whole not being able to drink till you are 21 thing. This causes so many problems and the rest of the world is completely in shock of this law. Down here, drinking is no big deal since it is legal at more or less any age and kids grow up around alcohol and even have wine and stuff with dinner at lets say age 13 or 14. But with Americans, alcohol is completely off limits and it`s something you are told you can`t have growing up so when kids see something that is that is banned from them or something grownups tell them they can`t have then of course it just makes them want it more. This leads to really bad drinking habits and over indulgence. The law makers would be wise to investigate this and I think they would come to the conclusion that it does more harm than good. Anyways, I would really love to whoop all these dudes since they are such tools while thinking they are like the coolest thing in BA. Meet some English girls who looked pretty good from a distance but obviously close proximity do not do these girls any favor. English girls for the most part are to the world of girls what Yugo`s were to the world of automobiles, the absolute worst of the worst (excluding Keira Knightly of course). But Juan and Santiago I think sort of dig them so we go to a club and I realize BA is absolutely off the hook when it comes to clubbing any night of the week. BA has to be one of the biggest party cities in the world. It makes Rio look like high school dance. The chicks here are hotter than in Brazil as well but much tougher. If BA had a beach it would be one of the best cities in the world. Ok, I`m not mad at BA anymore (just their bj players). Have a great night, but no funny stories really evolve from the evening.
FIN
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