I revert to a 16 yr old and chase chicks in a car
Trip Start
Oct 19, 2007
1
72
126
Trip End
Ongoing
Buenos Aires,
Argentina
Saturday, January 5, 2008
BTW: I officially have my next sports idol and new favorite baseball player. I`m pretty psyched. I haven`t had a favorite baseball player since Tartabull retired in the mid ninety`s after getting hurt after 6 at bats with the stupid Phillies. I`ve only had 4 sports heros in my life (Tartabull, Rice, Owens and Jordan). I would like to introduce everyone to the fifth. His name is Alex Gordon, 3rd baseman for the Royals and all around badass and sexpot. He is the next Brett in the making and the deal was sealed when I found out recently that he changed his number this year to the number 4 which was Tartabull`s old number and my favorite and good luck number since as far back as I can remember. Coincidentally it is Gordon`s favorite number also. This is a tough call since he is white and a lefty, but all indications point to this being the guy and I will throw all my love and over zealous idol worshipping proclivities upon. I`m getting pretty excited for the season. Mayer, if I move in with you, we are getting the MLB package and you will be subject to many a Royals game. Deal.
Get back to my room and my two Isreali roomates are smoking joints with some English bird and they are a total mess. They have only smoked up 5 times in their life (all on this trip) and they don`t handle weed very well apparently. They are quite humorous though as they laugh at every lil fucking thing I do, they do or the English chick does. Good times. The one guy asks if I am going out tonight and I give him a resounding YES. Good he says as he is taking one of the hostel workers to dinner and he wants to bring her back to the room so he can bang her. See I told you Isreali`s just want to party and do chicks. I go downstairs and grab a beer and meet these 3 Aussie dudes who are a good time. They tell me a whooper of a story where they wanted to buy weed so they went to some strip club to see if they could buy some and they basically got surrounded by hookers and some bodyguard. They had to buy like 4 hookers drinks and then they had to cough up $100 pesos each just to leave and they never even got their shit. Hah. These dudes get into all kinds of crazy shit and I figure this is who I need to hang out with.
We go to some bar that has Transvestites working the door, hmmmm, looks weird. We went there with another group of guys and they decide to go in and tell us they will meet us at the next bar. Ok, cool. We catch a cab and tell the driver the address of the bar but then we see a car with 4 smoking chicks (presumably) and one of the dudes yells out to them and they motion for us to follow them (or so the Aussie`s thought) and we suddenly change plans on the fly and tell the cabby to simply follow the chicks to wherever they may lead. The 3 Aussies are really young (20 - 21 yrs old) and they shout out the car every chance they get at the chicks. They keep slapping high fives and saying we are all going to get laid and phrases like "God, they are so hot, I can`t wait to bang one of them, they are so gorgeous" (now mind you we have only seen faces on two of the four and we have no idea what their body`s look like). I just sit back and of course I join in the hand slapping and stuff but I just sort of chill and think to myself there is no way any of us are getting on these chicks, I mean when was the last time you chased chicks in a car, yelled at them through open windows at stoplights and it actually worked out. I`m thinking, you know they are probably meeting friends at the bar - but you have to love these youngster`s enthusiasm. They pull into a gas station and three of them get out and by golly gee they are quite fine specimens of latino women. Unbelievable, they have no offset eyes, no 3rd ass or no teeth sticking out of their necks. Nice.
Side note. BA is crazy when it comes to partying. Parties/Clubs here don`t start till 2am and they don`t stop until 8am. Seriously. And the even more amazing thing is there are after hour clubs that open at 8am and go till 2pm, I shit you not. You walk into a club in BA at midnight, it will be dead. I assume this is because there is no beach so there is no reason to get up early.
Anyways, we follow chicks to a bar and they go in first and we lag behind. There are two bars in the bar and the girls go to one and the Aussies head to the other one. What, this is gay. It`s like going to a middle school dance (not my middle school) where boys stand on one side and girls on the other. I say F this and I walk over and introduce myself. I`m a bit nervous because this will be the first time I have had to use any Spanish to have a real conversation. Not sure how this will turn out. The dudes follow me over there like 15 seconds later and we all sit down at nice table and order drinks. I notice my Spanish is Ok, good enough to get by I guess. The girls understand what I am saying/asking. But the other 3 chumps, they don`t know shit. They know no Spanish, nada. Not good. The one dude Daniel (the coolest of the 3) does his best to converse and I guess he knows some words but the other two can`t say anything. I actually have to translate a little bit for them and I am very impressed with myself. The one Aussie sitting next to me says "Man I want to talk to them but I don`t know how". Well obviously buttfuck, you aren`t getting on any chicks here unless you can at least speak a little bit of Spanish (unless of course they speak English). You better stick to hostel chicks. And of course, just as I predicted a bunch of their guy friends show up and join us. The guys are cool and it`s good time hanging out but they definitely represent another obstacle that will have to be surmounted if anyone of us are going to get anywhere with these broads. The one dude is wearing a tango hat which I tell him is cool but which I tell myself is gay. A few of the guys speak English and my first impression of Argentinian dudes is positive. They drink an odd concoction of redbull mixed with wine which upon first thought sounds awful but it is actually pretty good.
We (aussies, me and chicks) leave to go to a club and when we get there I realize that the chicks are sort of lame. They definiely aren`t like Brazilian chicks. And of course 30 minutes later all the Argentinian dudes from the last place stroll in. I notice Argentinian clubs are very different from Brazilian clubs. They aren`t nearly as sexually infused and people aren`t making out all over the place and chicks aren`t rubing their asses into the crotch`s of dudes. The action here is more suave and refined. I tell Daniel after about an hour, Fuck this dude, these chicks are prudes. He agrees with me but decides to stay with the group as I wander off by myself like that guy from Kung Fu - The Legend. I meet some Argentian chick who looks like she may be part Asian, not sure, but she has great cannons, a nice body and who cares about the face after that. She totally digs me right away for some odd reason, probably on acid (I remember this party I went to in Rockford once and this chick comes up to me and tells me "Your hot", sweet, I tell her who knows what I said but then shortly afterwards she tells me she is high on acid, hah, that is definitely a backhanded compliment when someone is tripping). I don`t let her kiss me right away which totally makes her want me more and I congratulate myself on a game well played. We leave at like 7am or some crap and go to another bar but they won`t let us in for some reason. Then a couple guys haul out this chick who is damn near comatose. She is fucked, obviously overdosing on something. She looks so bad that I actually walk down the block out of earshot of the people working at the bar (I don`t want them to beat my ass for possibly getting their bar in trouble) and I call 911 (yes they have 911 here also) and I tell them the cross streets and that una mujer es muy infermo de drogas, necessita ambulance (I hope they understand). We go to some restaurant and this chick all of a sudden turns psycho. She asks if I have a kid (this is mostly in Spanish, she speaks a lil english though) and I tell her no, do I look like I have a kid and then she asks if I want to have a kid with her. Wait, what, I must have misunderstood. Nope, I heard correctly, she wants to have a baby with me. I tell her ummm no and she actually gets a bit annoyed and asks Por Que no (why not)? Por Que no for about a 1000 different reasons. What the F is going on. I remember reading that chicks in BA are total whack jobs. 1 in 3 have a psychiatrist (seriously) and I remember talking to these Brazilians once who told me that everyone who goes to BA can`t wait to get back to Brazil because compared to BA chicks, Brazilian chicks are a breath of fresh air when it comes to normalacy. Man, I guess they weren`t joking. We leave the restaurant and I basically do one of those look over there jobs and I literally take off running the other direction and make a quick dive into a perpendicular street. I have no idea where I am but I figure it out eventually by using the rising sun to judge the cardinal directions and I make it back to my hostel at like 9am. The Aussie dudes for some reason are awake and of course none of them got anywhere with the prude crew and they get quite a kick out of my story.
Fin
