I hate walking

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  Belo Horizonte, Brazil
Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Hanna, thanks for leaving the entries on the train, that`s a good marketing strategy. 

Today is waterfall day.  Cleiber and I pick up his boy Arthur whom he works with and we drive like an hour outside of Belo to a national park in order to check out a waterfall.  We had to stop for some necessary provisions on the way there which of course included beer.  The bad thing is we couldn`t drink the beer in the park (which I found odd since you can literally drink beer or any alcoholic beverage anywhere in Brazil except for behind the steering wheel, in Barbados you can drink while driving, I kid you not), and therefore had to chug it all down before we could make our 8km trek to the waterfall.  The surrouding area is magnificent as rolling hills and steep cliffs dot the landscape.  We have to cross streams, walk over, around or sometimes through horse shit, wade in bacteria filled brackish water and climb rocks and trek through mud

Me and Arthur behind the fall

.  Finally we locate the waterfall and we have to navigate all these rocks in order to get to the it and the pool that forms underneath it.  We go swimming and duck under the fall itself to allow us to sit behind it as some protruding rocks permit such an activity.  Breaking on thru to the other side of the fall is pretty dope.  I have never chilled behind a waterfall before (it`s about fucking time - bloodsport).  As me and Arthur are sitting behind the fall we talk about how great of a place this would be to bring a girl but most girls couldn`t have made it and we decide it would be nice for the park to supply an obligatory chick to swim with and take pictures with and fuck and stuff.  We swim from out under the fall over to some rocks to chill and take in the scenery.  As we are sitting there 2 guys and a girl show up, odd, I can`t believe someone else hiked to this place.  The girl isn`t very good looking and she has on a bikini as she stretches out on a rock and personally on most days I would rather jack off a rabit then stare at this mess of blubber but Arthur comes up with the best line and says "in the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king"  Word. 

The hike back sucks more than the Bulls right now and it seems like it takes twice as long as the walk to the falls.  Why is this?  Usually the trip back seems to go quicker for some reason.  But not with this journey and with every turn up ahead I say, I`m pretty sure that after this bend we`ll be back, but every time I`m fucking wrong

Me getting my swim on

.  I figure I`ll just keep saying it as one of these times I`ll be right.  I`m more tired than Rip Van Winkle and would love nothing more than to lay down and watch some So You Think You Can Dance reruns.  Finally we arrive at the car and I have never felt such bliss.  I hug the car but then the hot metal sort of burns me so I stop hugging it rather quickly and now I don`t like the car so much. 

We have to stop off at some person`s house because Cleiber has a buddhist meeting.  I kid you not, a fucking buddhist meeting.  The people are super nice but like in that cult kind of way and I think most of them must have had labotomies at some point in their lives.  The one lady offers me something to drink and I ask if it`s koolaid, but nobody understands my joke, thank god, and I end up knocking out some water which makes me feel much safer.  Now, if I was ever to become religious I would definitely be Buddhist (I`ve read a few books on the subject), but like normal buddhist, not weird buddhist.  This gay ass meeting lasts 2 hours and I have nothing to do except play around on the computer.  The worst thing is, I can`t even sit there and make fun of them in my brain because I can`t understand what anyone is saying.  This sucks.  I don`t even have my journal to update my blog.  At the end of the longest 2 hours ever they all come into the computer room where I am and basically stand around me and the one lady hits like this little gong and they say some crazy chant while I`m reading about how bad the Bulls suck.  Pretty amusing if you were there to see it.  They are like trying to be all peaceful and generate good vibes while I`m sitting there cussing under my breath because Gordon just went 5 for 16 from the field.  Ok, thank Siddhartha Gautama that meeting is over.  BTW:  When Cleiber sneezes, I don`t say God Bless you, I say Buddha you. 

Cleiber, Julianna and I go out later that night to some club with a live band which sucks but chicks dig it.  I drink I don`t know how many caiprinhas, more than I should.  I talk to some random girls but nobody speaks a bit of English and I`m pretty shook.  Later some of Julianna`s amigas show up and this one blond girl supposedly likes me so Julianna wants me to be formally introduced to her.  I`m far from impressed however and I don`t really like blonds anyways.  Blonds in Brazil though are a highly regarded sex symbol and dudes love em.  I don`t want girls that are whiter than me when I`m in Brazil, I want girls that look like a hallway when standing next to a white wall.  I say hi to Julianna`s friends and of course the blond chick but then I notice this black girl sort of smiling at me and that`s good enough for me.  I go over and talk to her and she doesn`t speak English, but no problema, she totally digs me and words are fruitless.  She sort of looks like Vanessa Williams but much uglier.  Later on as we take a break from dancing we sit down at this table with one of her friends and this dude and he asks if I am a Brasilado, hah, the first time someone has actually thought I could be from Brasil.  I think that was the culmination of my trip right there.  Cleiber gives Lea (the girl I am with) and her friend a lift home.  Lea`s friend is hilarious.  One example, I ask her if she likes gringos and she responds with "I like to fuck all the beautiful gringos, and if I had time................the ugly ones too".  Priceless. 

fin

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