Xmas eve in Brazil

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  Belo Horizonte, Brazil
Monday, December 24, 2007

Reply to Thethetralegic (sp?), dude, don`t worry about the title for this blog, I was merely paraphrasing since due to limited space in the Title Field I couldn`t write my original title, which I will share with you now.

Brazil, Argentina, Chile - What`s up, please don`t touch me since all the inhabitants of your countries smell of feces since nobody showers and everyone rolls around in filth and jungles all day long since nobody works as they are all completely lazy, stupid, uneducated and basically useless, unless of course you want to get robbed, murdered, raped or if you need somebody to score goals for your soccer team, then I suppose they are good for something. And please don`t talk to me since nobody there can speak English and Spanish and Portuguese are inferior languages just like your economies, way of life and mere existence on my planet in general. Just leave me and my vital organs alone and just keep on doing cocaine and smoking weed and raping and pillaging your communities, riding mules, building homes out of refuse and palm trees, and dying at a young age due to a lack of medical facilities and competent doctors. If you are in agreement with the above conditions I have laid out then I in return promise not to impregnate any of your women. Deal, Deal.

Like I said, sorry, I should have made my title more clear from the beginning in order to not cause any confusion.

Ok, back to blog. I tell Cleiber I have to do laundry and he shows me the washing machine and as I`m trying to figure out the machine his mom shows up and demands that she does my laundry. I plead with her telling her I can do it, but Cleiber just tells me to give her the clothes as she knows what she`s doing. Fine, I give in. Cleiber and I go shopping for his mom for an xmas present. Oh, and hah, since Cleiber is a self-proclaimed Buddhist he doesn`t buy anyone presents since he obviously doesn`t believe that Christ was our savior. But the funny thing is, he receives presents since his family members and girlfriend are Catholic and I think they feel bad not buying him anything. He found a nice loophole and is cashing in on big big savings around the holidays. This makes me think he`s onto something and he may be smarter than he looks. After talking to his mom the night before I gathered that she really enjoys reading so I decide to buy her some books. I actually bought her a pair of earrings in Rio, but she doesn`t wear earrings. Besides, I think I lost them anyways somewhere along the line. Books here are ridiculously expensive. I don`t know how Brazilians can afford to read. I wanted to buy her Memoirs of a Geisha (one of my favorite books of all time, the movie sucked though) but it was $70R!!! Unbelievable. I ended up getting her a John Grisham book and some murder mystery novel.

We head to Walmart (I kid you not, a freaking Walmart, seeing a Walmart in the middle of Brazil is like coming home and finding your girlfriend in bed with another chick, unexpected, but very convenient) in order to purchase some necessary provisions for xmas which consisted of mostly beer. Cleiber shows me around town and Belo Horizonte is like the San Francisco of Brazil as roads here are paved over very steep hills which twist and turn and make for a very confusing configuration. I`m good with directions, but I would have many problems here. Due to all the hills though, the city is very cool looking from the right vantage point. We go up in this space needle-esq structure situated on one of the highest points in the city. It is a really cool view as you can observe the city from 360 degrees. As we are driving around I see a sign on one of the hills (very much like the Hollywood sign) which says "My Box". Hah, My Box, I kid you not. I tell Cleiber why this is so funny and he loves it. For the rest of my stay here whenever we see a good looking girl we call her "Nice Box" and if we see an ugly girl we call her "Bad Box". So if we are driving and we see a chick on the side of the road walking, Cleiber might be like nice box or bad box, I may look back and be like, bad box, keep going bro. It`s a nice little inside running joke, and the best part is nobody understands what we are saying, and we laugh everytime we say it.

Later we go see Cleiber`s sidething. Yep, he`s two-timing Julianna. I tell him that`s not what the Buddha would do. But as he explained it, he`s first Brazilian and secondly a Buddhist. I totally understand. You could replace "Brazilian" with "A Guy" and it would more or less be true as well. He`s not really two-timing her though, since he has yet to really mess with this chick. It seems as though he just takes her on dates in which he doesn`t have to spend any money. Cleiber`s love is very economical. She and her parents bring out food and drinks and we stay for like 30 minutes and then bolt. I realize something, if you go to someone`s house in Brazil, you get fed, no questions asked. Her parents and her little cousin look at me a bit funny as it has to be extremely odd for them to have an American in their house. In the entire city of 2 plus million people I can`t imagine there are more than a handful of Americans here. Belo isn`t exactly a tour destination. I basically just sit there eating while getting stared at as Cleiber and the blond girl makeout or whatever out on the sidewalk. People here hang out on the streets more than gangs in Compton.

We then head over to Julianna`s crib for the Xmas Eve festivities. This group of yahoos consisted of Julianna, her mom, her cousin Sintia, another cousin (forgot his name) and her brother. Once I get there Julianna`s mom makes me sit down and eat. Fuck, dude, I just ate like 30 minutes ago. But I actually have no problem eating more, I am a bottomless pit at times. Within like 2 seconds though I realize her family is completely nuts, but in a good way. Brazilians are worse than my mom`s family when it comes to talking and talking loudly, especially when drinks are involved. Everyone is chatting up a storm and trying to talk to me but I don`t understand anything and I just shake my head alot and say Legal. Julianna`s mom is a bit wasted and she actually starts hitting on me which is sweet and a bit sexy as her mom is pretty good looking for an older chick, but not that sexy as she is still an older chick. At one point someone pushes one of the couches out of the way and people start dancing right there in the living room. I absolutely love it. This is exactly how I pictured Brazil on xmas eve. It`s funny how family members just dance with one another in their living room, so different from America. I end up knocking out quite and few beers and me and Julianna`s mother end up making love on the floor (hah, just kidding, well, not about the beers). We stay till 2:30 or so and Cleiber drops me back off at his crib as he is going back to Julianna`s to spend the night. Thankfully his mom is sleeping when I get back because I honestly don`t want to have to eat again.

Fin