Man, another long ass night
Trip Start
Oct 19, 2007
1
50
126
Trip End
Ongoing
Rio de Janeiro,
Brazil
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Malin and I have complete opposite personalities
Art Museum - Niteroi
. Not meaning she isn`t cool (Hah, I just gave myself props), it`s just that she is a typical European (not counting the Irish or English) and is much more reserved and classy than I am. Classy and Merker would never be used in the same sentence (brash and forward would be). Good example would be when I said to her as we were wandering aimlessly "Where the Fuck are we going?" I didn`t even think twice about saying this and thought nothing of it but she actually made the comment "Wow, that`s very American like". I actually had to ask her what was very American like. She would never ever just throw in a random cuss word like that in a normal query. She would simply ask, "Shawn, do you know where we are going?" and she would be completely polite about it. Even better example - we are talking about music and she tells me she doesn`t like country and I totally agree with her as I don`t either but I ask her why she doesn`t like country. And this is her response verbatim "Well, it just seems like the people who listen or play country music aren`t very clever". Hah, that is a quintessential European dis right there. They aren`t clever, this kills me. I tell her, "yeah, they are fucking idiots". They aren`t clever = Sweden, They are fucking idiots = America, you could write an entire book about the differences in cultures between America and France or Switzerland or the Norweigen countries, but you would be just wasting your time because the above example sums it up perfectly. An entire book couldn`t explain it any better. This is what I like to call simplification. Einstein would be proud. She starts to loosen up after a while of hanging out with me, she doesn`t have much choice probably. Either loosen up or spend your day being disgusted, your pick. But she definitely starts to laugh much more and I think she is starting to have fun. We get lunch and I get to eat half of hers because she can`t finish it all and I`m thinking I should get lunch with this bird everyday. We check out some cathedrals and some other crap that most of you won`t be interested in hearing about. The coolest cathedral in Rio is under restoration and although you can still look at it, the scaffolding everywhere definitely diminishes it`s splendor. We head back to the hostel and all in all it was a very nice day and despite the personality differences we actually had a lot of fun together. I take a shower and the water isn`t quite hot enough so I reach up to move the lil switch thingy and I get the ever living shit shocked out of me. That`s right, the flippin shower just shocked me. What the fuck? I tell Gustavo about this bemusing incident and he tells me "oh no, you can`t touch the shower head while it`s running". No shit. He tells me the showers are electric. ELECTRIC!!!! This is awesome and why I simultaneously love and hate Brazil. I mean who makes an electric shower head when everyone knows water and electricity and humans mixed together spells trouble. I know who, Brazil. It`s so fucking stupid that I love it and can`t help but to laugh. Apparently the water in lots of showers in lots of places in Brazil (esp rio) is heated by electricity and not by gas. I got a pretty good jolt too, I can`t imagine what would happen to somebody lets say 100 lbs if they touched the shower head. I guess if you wear rubber sandals then you can touch the shower head all you want. Cool.
Go get dinner at a bar with Gustavo, Christian, Malin and this other girl at the hostel (I forget her name). Good times as the beers keep coming and Christian for some reason is easier to rip on then Hogger. I give him tons of shit but he`s awesome and laughs at everything and most of the time comes back with a rip on me, although they are usually pretty weak, keep trying tool. BTW, when is Yo Mamma coming to Chicago? I am destined to triumph on that show like Rosie Perez was destined to triumph on Jeopardy in White Men can`t jump. Christian, Gustavo, Malin and I roll up into Melt, which is a really nice joint. Gustavo is pretty jacked up from his sunburn and Malin is tired so they leave after 2 drinks. Gustavo has a quick discussion with me and tells me that I`m now in charge of Christian and to remember that he`s only 19 and to make sure that`s he`s ok and everything. Hell yes, put me in charge of that lil fucker. Putting me in charge of a 19 year old kid who is getting hammered is like putting Jeffrey Dahmer in charge of the Gay Pride Parade, not a good idea. Allright time to rage. Christian goes absolutely nuts and orders triple baileys on the rocks. I honestly believe these are costing him $40R a crack. We go upstairs where a band is playing and they fucking rock. They are phenomenal - the best band I have heard so far in Brazil. They even throw in a few US covers during their set. So we are chilling, well I`m chilling and Christian is trying to talk to every chick he sees. I don`t see anyone overly good looking here so I just chill and let Christian do his thing which isn`t much. Later on the band is finished and a dj steps up who is pretty decent and Christian is on like his 5th triple baileys on the rocks. He actually buys me one, sweet, I love this kid. By the end of the night though he tabs out at $320R, I kid you not, fucking $320R. The next day Gustavo gets pretty salty that Christian spends this amount of money in one night. Gustavo and Christian put all their money together in one account, which to me is as dumb as putting all your money towards one stock, but whatever works. Gustavo may also be a bit put off with me since "I was in charge of him", but if he is, he hides it well. Anyway, back to the night. So I am downstairs and I have talked to a couple people but no one who I would say I would want to waste a lot of time on. Then, bam, she walks in the door and heads upstairs. I knew she would show up eventually. I walk upstairs and spot her and she`s definitely the dopest girl in here (which really isn`t saying all that much which is weird considering it`s Rio). I start talking to her but very awkwardly and slowly since she speaks no English. And of course Christian comes over after seeing me with her and introduces himself and the mother fucker starts banging out a conversation with her like Catholic priests bang out altar boys. Christian is completely fluent in Spanish as his mom is from Spain and she only speaks Spanish. Portuguese and Spanish are similiar enough that he can understand most of what she is saying and vice versa. We eventually leave and go to a bar/restaurant to get some pizza and beers. Livia (the hot chick`s name, well, hot being a relative term) and two of her friends come with. Christian and Livia are dominating the conversation and I`m cussing him out under my breath. I can throw in a sentence here or there but it`s either misplaced or nonsensical for the most part. Stupid Portuguese and Londoners who speak Spanish. It`s actually a good time though no matter how much I bitch and me and Christian are knocking out beers more than Gauss knocked out formulas. We hop in Livia`s ride and Christian is a complete mess. He wants to go to the beach which sounds like a decent idea actually since the sun is out and we can see the beach from the car. The girls I guess don`t like the beach idea. But it`s hilarious because he won`t shut up about it and just keeps screaming Pria (beach) out the window. He also takes Livia`s steering wheel and fucks with with it while she is driving and I think this act may have annoyed her a bit. It`s funny, cars late at night and in the early morning don`t stop at red lights in Rio, they just slow down, check for other cars really quick and then take off. I guess one reason they do this is to lessen the chances of getting car jacked. Livia drops us off at the hostel and me and Christian get up to the door and he`s like - Shawn, it`s 7am, we have to keep drinking, we can`t stop now, we have to Power through. God I loved being 19. If I was 19, I totally would have been down. But considering I am prety drunk, pretty tired and feeling pretty old, I decide to pass on the powering through stage of the night right ito the sleeping stage. This reminded me of Cancun that time when me and Brick powered through by drinking Bacardi straight out the bottle our first night there. So anyways, Livia`s friend calls my name out from the car and tells me to come back there. Ummm, ok. I go up to the passenger window and she tells me to kiss Livia. Kiss, what the fuck is up with kissing in Brazil. But still, that`s cool, I didn`t really think Livia was into me. So we take a walk because Christian is still at the door and I don`t want to hurt his feelings. But man, talk about awkward, I don`t really know what to say to her at this point and I hate feeling forced into shit. I`m actually such a bitch that she has to kiss me first, hah, I suck. Great night, although if I know anything about girls in Brazil, and I think I do, I assume I won`t see her again. We`ll see. Stay tuned.
Fin
