Hookers love big gringos
Trip Start
Oct 19, 2007
1
8
126
Trip End
Ongoing
Fortaleza,
Brazil
Friday, October 26, 2007
Oh, I was offered my first prostitute in my journeys. Sadly she was about 14 years old, I hope the dude was joking but for some reason I doubt it. Iīll just assume that he was as denial makes every situation a little easier to deal with.
Iīm walking around Iracema about 7 at night and I run into an American. This cat Julius who lives in Miami. Talk to him for about an hour. He tells me how Cuba is the shit and heīs been there a few times. This surprised me. I was like how can an American go to Cuba? I didnīt think Americans were allowed in Cuba plus isnīt it super dangerous. He says that the American government doesnīt allow Americans to go to Cuba, but Cuba allows Americans to go to Cuba. You can enter through the Dominican Republic. He says that Cubans actually love Americans and more so their money. Cuba has taken a huge hit financially because of the loss of American tourism. He says Americans are treated like kings there. Interesting. Obviously he could be full of shit, but why make up random stuff about Cuba. He thinks once Castro dies there will be a huge tourism influx into Cuba as they will change to a Democracy. The country is so poor that something has to change. He is thinking of getting in there now and opening up small hotels or pousadas. I told him I was a CPA in my former life and he said how accountants there will be in prime demand if the country changes like he thinks it will once Castro goes. Maybe, just maybe Iīll end up in Cuba someday.
I met a brazilian dude at the hostel, actually my roomate, Cleiber. He speaks english pretty well and we decide to head out to this club that he knows about. Iracema has this awesome party spot just to the west of where we are staying, itīs shady but Cleiber tells me how there are probably 15 bars in this little area. So as we are walking to the club he tells me he wants to show me this area. Cool, lets roll through and grab a beer (btw you can drink beer anywhere and everywhere, on the street, on the beach, in stores, everywhere, itīs awesome).
So we head into this bar area and all of a sudden I see about ten chicks and about four of them are hotter than any girl Iīve ever been with. Budweiser girl, sorry, but you would no longer be #1. But before I can even check them out, they swarm me like a bunch of horny bees. It was the craziest thing Iīve ever experienced. They are all grabbing me and tugging me and automatically my hands go to cover my pockets so itīs hard for me to push them off. Itīs absolutely pandomonium. I canīt walk in the direction I want to go and I start kinda throwing my shoulders and elbows into them. Cleiber is talking to them in Portuguese saying Iīm with him and to leave me alone. Finally after about 30 seconds or so, I get away and we start walking down the street. It was nuts, I canīt even describe it fully in words. You have to remember though that Americans are rare in Fortaleza (granted I just met one, but that will be the last American I see for over 2 weeks) and everyone here is tiny. Man, Iīve never gotten a hooker and I donīt plan on starting now, but if Iīm like single and 65 or my wife is dead or something Iīm going to fucking Fortaleza and cleaning up. Cleiber is an asshole, he knew exactly what was going to happen even though he swears that he didnīt.
Cleiber gets us a ride to the club with these two chicks driving that way, good thing as itīs far. We will have to take a cab home as it will be too dangerous to walk through this part of town at like 4am. Iīve seen some pretty interesting characters and more transvesite hookers than I care too. Get to the club and he gets me in for half price somehow. Sweet, this guy is starting to pay off big time after that first fiasco. We hang out at the club for a while and Cleiber turns out to be super cool and we are fast becoming friends. I end up dancing with this chick who tries to teach me salsa. To her credit, she had more patience than anyone Iīve ever met. My salsa dancing is about as good as Gunn is at being tall. I salsa danced, or at least my version of it for awhile and I never caught on and I think Iīm worse now then I was to begin with. One step forward, two steps back (in a literal sense also).
I tried to order a vodka tonic, but the bartender had no idea what I was talking about. I asked Cleiber how to say it in Portuguese. He tells me, and obviously I forgot in about 10 seconds as I try to order again to no avail. Sweet, I settle for another beer. This club is gigantic, much bigger than any club in Chicago. Weird thing about clubs here, you donīt pay for your drinks as you order them in real time. You get a card with a magnetic strip and the bartender inputs whatever you just ordered on your card. At the end of the night you go to the cashier and she runs your card through and it prints out a receipt of all your drinks and
how much you owe. Strange. It is nice in a way because you donīt tip bartenders plus itīs much quicker to get drinks. But the downside is you have no idea if the bartender put extra drinks on there until the end of the night when you get your receipt. Iīm pretty sure I payed for a couple extra drinks. The other negative is that if you lose your card, you have to pay like $150R or sometimes more. With my propensity for losing stuff, this could turn out bad.
Get home at like 5am and Iīm completely cashed. As cool as Cleiber is, heīs also an idiot. We were chillin at the club when almost everyone had left and heīs like, Man Iīm tired, but at least Iīm still here. Umm yeah, me and you are here but nobody else is dipshit. His comment made about as much sense as me hitting a golf ball towards a house at Big Timīs bachelor party.
Fin
