The Travel Road
Trip Start
Aug 28, 2008
1
32
38
Trip End
Feb 28, 2009
Perth,
Western Australia,
Australia
Saturday, January 17, 2009
But I had an epiphany tonight and realized that none of you really understands what the travel road is like. I've only given you a slice of my life out here and never told you about the insane people you meet, the disgusting places you stay, the general relentless uncertainty that each day brings.
You see, this is not an experience that changes you, per se, not any more than deciding to climb a mountain peak or sail a boat through rough seas. You might learn from it, but there's no reason for it, and at the end of the day, Im still the same person. I haven't fit into other cultures. I haven't even been enlightened, really. I've only experienced something I couldn't at home - an adventure. A chance to stand next to the fire without a shield. A chance to see myself in the world with all of my talents and shortcomings in full view. Often we hide behind the illusions and comforts with which "home" provides us... and this I feel is deprivating to the soul and its grand plan.
The bible tells us that Jesus went out into the desert for forty days just to see if he could resist temptation from the Devil. Not to compare myself, but maybe that has something to do with it. I think about this when I deal with the loneliness, the beauty, the strangeness, and the vastness of this experience... so vast at times you feel like it will swallow you whole.
Often times I heard from people that I was "lucky" to embark on a trip like this. Luck is not the half of it. Sacrafices were made, but it was a calling I couldn't ignore. I believe that in life, at times, something tells you to drop everything and do something completely different, because it is destiny... and because nothing is above that, you must listen to it. Don't take this as a religious rant but God has been with me every step of the way, its just a fact. You can't do a trip like this without Him - to lose yourself in the world in this way, its just too difficult. Before I left, Mom gave me a copy of the New Testament. Little did she know she was just scratching the surface with those pages... you need a lot more faith than you can garnish from a book.
And so, I say to you that if and when you decide to travel, in this way, and lay down your notions of tourism and cultural comparison... to open up to the world and let it happen to you and find the self-discovery rather than the thrill... keep the faith because there will be long and hard days... and wonderful, glorious days, all of which will slip through your fingers like the moments filling up your everyday life right now. You will feel like you lost yourself, but then feel like you never changed at all. You will be homesick but then feel like home is still all around you. You will meet complete strangers that you depend on like old friends, and sometimes, just once in a while, they actually come through.
On the road, I finally know what its like to live and not worry about the next day because the next day will just happen, as it should. And this is one of the greatest lessons in travel and faith I've learned thus far.
Comments
Mr. Guru
Matthew,
You have given us some remarkable food for thought. I have already told Alison that she MUST read this posting. I appreciate your desire not to describe your experience using the familiar cliches. Your resistence to simply saying, 'This trip has changed me,' is admirable. You are not a 'new' you; 'you,' we've found on this trip, is not something so fragile. But this experience has been tranformative--in your self-understanding. I found your allusion to the temptations in the desert very illuminating on this point.
Here are two 'lumps' of questions -- which you don't need to answer right away! 1. How has the trip made you think about being an American? Do people expect you to act a particular way? Has contact with other cultures led you to question any typically Western behaviors or desires? 2. I'd love to know more about the labor of self-presentation in a sea of strangers. I can distinctly remember from my summer in K-stan the exciting but threatening realization that in a land (in my case) where almost no one knew me, I could be anyone I wanted to be. It took a great effort--in straining conditions--to present the best version of myself to others. And sometimes, of course, the problem of translation made that impossible. Has your experience been similiar or something completely different?
Please don't rush a response. I'm interested to hear what you have to say whenever you have the time and language to say it.
Rhg
:D
I'm smiling ear-to-ear as I read your post (and Mr. Guru's response). The idea of wandering off to find truth shows up in a lot of ancient religious stories. Think of the Buddha abandoning his princely life to meditate under a Banyan tree, or Moses leading the Israelites through the desert for 40 years.
I thin Mr. Guru brings us close to the answer there when he talks about self presentation. It seems like for each new context we enter, for each new relationship we form, we (consciously or un-consciously) present a different piece of ourselves. Our friends are (hopefully) the people with whom we present our best parts.
But to really know who we are, inside, absent these social forces, we need to walk away for a while - to surround ourselves with nobody, or at-least the ever changing procession of completely foreign and novel people who line the travel road. Because then we learn to understand and become the people we truly are, as opposed to the people we are as a reaction to the others who surround us.
Thank you. I think I now understand a bit more about the transformative power of travel.