Death by water...

Trip Start Apr 05, 2008
Trip End Jul 19, 2008

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Flag of Argentina  ,
Saturday, April 26, 2008

Struggling with a life vest is not a good look. The very best one can hope for is to resemble one of those dudes in a blow up sumo suit. And that's the very best. Failing that, the aesthetic of the life vest falls away rapidly. Failure to successfully put on a life vest leads to several looks, such as the one where yours arms go straight up directly above your head, your face no longer visible because it is obscured by the vest. I like to call that one 'the upward diver' or 'Mum - put on my t-shirt'. Or, alternatively, if you put your head through the wrong hole at the top, the buoyant semi-circle which is meant to be behind your head ends up in front of you, completeing distorting your vision. I like to call this one the 'cyclops'. And then there's the old classic 'arm through the head hole'. Oldy but a goodie. Struggling with the life jacket of death, not entirely enjoying the ridiculous varieity of contortions I was putting on display, I began to question my need to adorn it. But mid question, I was interrupted by the beast, the sound of its power overwhleming, and I quickly strapped myself in. I would need it for my return to look the beast in the eye...

It is the most brilliant 15 minutes that 60 pesos can buy. Definitely. Well, actually, perhaps except for a Boca or River game. But it's definitely the most wet that you can get for 60 pesos. Hmmm -except for swimming in a pool. Alright. Well, it's certainly the most exhilarting thing you can do at Iguazu Falls. Oh - well - perhaps except for the Bungie Jumping on the Brazilian side. Ok. Well - it is most certainly the most exciting thing you will do for 60 pesos in the Argentinean National Parque of Iguazu. Bar none. All of the above exceptions aside, the Aventura Nautica in 'the beast' is fucking brilliant. It is ithe best thing to do in the national Park. It plunges you deep into some of the most powerful waterfalls in the system, including the one I like to call 'the beast', leaving you thrilled, excited, saturated and pleading for more. It is the highlight of a waterfall system that, to be true, is overloaded with stunning spectacles. I love it...

For some reason, I was somewhat fearful that Iguazu would disappoint on this return. For what reason I have abolsutely no idea. Iguazu does not disappoint. It doesn't care for disappointment. It's the kind of waterfall that would get you in a headlock and give you a crusty at the mere passing thought of being disappointed by it. In fact, it's the Mr T of waterfalls, and would then shout at - "Don't gimme no disappointment sucker" or "I pity the disappointing fool". Of course, it doesn't have to do that. Because no one is disappointed by Iguazu.

Rather than being disappointing, Iguazu is entirely captivating. Before the backdrop of a beautiful blue day, butterflies dance, the swopps dart in and out of the mist and the vultures hover. Rainbows, not unusually present on a day as clear as today, come out to play, fearful of mising out on this perfect landscape. And all around, water courageously leaps to its certain death, the Garganta del Diablo or Devi's Mouth in particular, claiming billions o droplet lives per second, its ferocity unmatched. Amazing. Shocking. Intimidating. Brilliant...

So, to the Top 5. Let's talk about food. Food has been brilliant. Generally speaking. But, every now and then, something in the food department goes slightly wrong. Or significantly wrong. Like people just not giving you what you ordered. Here is the Top 5 in the category I like to call 'Um - that;s not what I ordered'...

5. Penchero - described to us as being a soup. Soup? That sounds good. I'll take that. In reality? Not so much soup. Rather, lump of meat. That's not what I ordered...

4. Bife de Chorizo - not a true nominee for this category. Rather, should be in the category of "that's exactly what I fucking ordered". You know in Australia, when you order a steak, it comes with fries, a small salad, a bit of the side? Well, in Argentina, not so much. When you order a steak, what do you get. Slab. Meat. Plate. Ha.

3. Tabla - That antipasto plate in the picture looks good.
Us: hey dude - what's that plate got in it?
Dude: that one. Olives, salami, cheese, mushrooms.
Us: that sounds good. exactly what we feel like. A good old antipasto plate.
This is what we got:
- disgusting black olives out of a can.
- no salami. In its place? Spam. From a can.
- Cheese? Wet. Canned. Gross. Inedible.
- Mushrooms. Canned. Sloppy.
- hard boiled egg on the top. Ha. Where did this come from? That;s not what I ordered...

2. Ensalada - fancy restaurant for the tango show. 3 course meal all included. I think I'll get the salad of the house to start with. In reality? The salad of the house turns out to be not so much of a salad, but more of a tabla. Refer to no 3. Cans are in high use here. That's not what I ordered...

1. All you can chino - Walking through Foz de Iguacu, hot and a little bit sick, looking for a bit of comfort food. What do we pass but an all-you-can-eat chinese place? $3. Brilliant. Perfect. Exactly what I felt like. Walk in. Sit down. Examine the buffet. Hmmm. Is that Lasagne? And spaghetti? Beans? And lumps of steak? And where's all the chinese food. Hmmm. none eh? Ha. Killing me. That's not what I fucking ordered...

To Sao Paolo - the megatropolis...
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