Back to Poole... dead days
Trip Start Jul 01, 2006
116Trip End Ongoing
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We finally arrived home and went to sleep, what a heavy week end!
The week end out in London as really knocked me out. I also spent a lot and I'm stress about that, so I try to not do much so that I wouldn't spend and live longer with what I have. So I'm currently on 'living mood'.
Nothing really happened of my day and only stayed home until the evening before going with Florian to the Lidl to refurbish our food stash. I paid most of the food as at least its what I could do.
We made Floh's speciality: Pesto Pasta :D
Another dead day for me, I only moved out for a long walk to the store and came back in the evening.
A time of the year I hate, Valentine day. I have absolutely nothing to do with and at least with the life rythm I have now I can easily forget about it.
I'm still mad that I do not get any news whatsoever from Gil, I wrote her a few times this year but she is never online and never reply to my email anymore. She knows by now that I will go back to Belgium soon and that we could meet again. I wonder and probably expect that she either ignore me or that her boyfriend is filtering her calls and messages.
Anyhow, both situation sucks. Its pretty stupid that it seems to end up like this after that we spent 5 years together, that I grew to know her pretty well (or maybe I didn't as I don't recognise her anymore) and her child as well. That I got pretty attached to both of them and suddenyl nothing anymore. I hate this!
About my day, I did a walk in Branksome and I am quite confuse about what to do. What to do here and what to do with my life. I once had a pretty good objective and was aiming at it, now I'm just wandering trying to find myself but also a new goal for my life. At least with some great positive side, smile and great atmosphere. Just as I had between 1999 and at least 2004. I don't know if I will ever find someone whom I will be great with, but if I do will I eventually want to get into the same routine again as I know the same situation might happen at the end. I don't seem to thrust relationship at all anymore, not to work for one... but I'm also eager to be with someone and not for the sake of dating someone. But with someone I will manage great companionship, great communication and love... reciprocally of course! Otherwise I don't have interests in just vanishing date.
I bought some things at the Lidl for Floh's recipe, but it wasn't the needed thing and we watched 'The Return of the King' on his broken computer.
Status of Confusion and despairing! My moral is at its lowest part.
We finished the movie of the previous night.
I didn't manage to stick to my plan.. again. So nothing constructive came out of this day. It annoys me. I met Floh again before his departure for the week end, and well I felt he wa a bit annoyed that indeed nothing happened for me today. And I feel ashame about it and can only blame myself. I don't understand why I can't stick to my priority anymore in those last months and manage something out of my life. I did my Bachelor, my Master degree, did work professionnally, talked in front of City Council and Ministery about the project I was leading, completed the project showed it to local medias. And hop, all my determination has vanished since 2 years already.
I'm looking more and more as a deadbeat and that's no good!
Floh finally left, so I had a thoughtful evening.
Ok, I try. Some push-up by waking up and then some Job seeking through the Internet and also did a lot of work for BeWelcome and HospitalityClub the 2 communities I volunteer for.
Answered several pending emails and chat with some people. So at least it was the most productive day of the last week. I planned some more of my coming days.
Later, I simply watched a part of 'Last Samurai'
It was also pretty cold lately... so the heating wasn't sufficient I started to freeze a little in this badly isolated flat.
I slept late on this Sunday and prepared my bag to leave the next day. I contacted Florian (HC: kiwiflave) for the last details. I will stay at his place in Eastbourne on my first night of the hitch-hiking trip.
I made myself a great tasty veggie meal with the remaining one and watched the end of 'Last Samurai'
Finally, I stepped out of the flat and took the bus to Christchurch to start hitch-hiking out of here by midday, hoping to reach Eastbourne by the end of the day.
Once in Christchurch, Its been good since an old man stopped not too long after. But only for a few km further. Then I manage to get a second ride with someone going to London and he left me in a Service area nearby Southampton.
It seems that from there everyone goes to London... :S
At least I manage to find someone who decide to take a longer route and leave me nearby Portsmouth. So finally from there I'm on the good way. But I have to wait long.