Goodrem is now our second favourite Delta
Trip Start
Feb 25, 2008
1
17
22
Trip End
May 06, 2008
Chau Doc,
Vietnam
Thursday, March 27, 2008
lalalala.
So were up and out of our guesthouse early early, have to get the owners up to check out. We get on a posh bus and have some quality ipod time, and some quality air con time, both are very important i assure you. We had an over eager guide who wittered on over the bass of some choonage telling us all about the name of HCMC which the guide the day before had already explained- Saigon is a type of tree that is abundant in that area...but then Ho Chi Minh had an ego trip and named it after himself. or something. So were off to the delta of the Mekong- Delta= where the river splits off and looks like a tree if you look at it from space, and then meets the sea. That is the official definition i tell thee. we drive to get to this river thingy, for a coupla hours, and then get on a boat to see a floating market, where peops take the ol boat out to buy some wares from the other peops who sell them from their boats. Except twas abot 10am by now and most of this exchange was over, so the young laddies of the boats were dossing and yelling. Their mothers were a washing and the men were being all manly strong and lying in hammocks. They suspend whatever theyre selling that day from a bamboo pole, so there are loads of fish limply dangling and meat hunks waggling as the boats gently rock. A few pineapples and coconuts float on by, theyve obviously fallen off fruity boats.
We went to see some 'workshops'- one made coconut sweets, the process was pretty standard. mash up coconut, add sugar, malt, malt extract, sucrose, glucose, dextrose, maltose, maltase, and leave to rot teeth. We sampled a load of that, then watched this woman barely break a sweat as she sat making ricepaper. She was in a room with no ventilation, a coal fire burning and she was bent over steaming this ricey mixture. About 5 billion of my pores were pouring sweat, she looked at me and i could tell she was thinking 'eeeergh'.
We then watched them make popped rice, which is like pop corn. you know how thats made- get one of those bags outta the cupboard and put in the microwave on 400 for 2 minutes, or until the bag has self-inflated. nuff said. Guidey McGuide took us over to this rotting vat of ricewine and reptile. it wasnt actually rotting, obviously it was preserving the debris. Anyways, she was bigging it up, saying how it helps build up strength and the likes, and offers it around. Noone takes her up. Im in a group of oldies, and couplies with studenty types who all look quite daring. Nothing. so i volunteer. I get a shot glass and smell it, thinking it will reek. Ive made cocktails that smelt worse than this did, so i shot it, noticing in the corner of my eye, the less than beady eye of a crow that was hidden under salamander and snake coils. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
so, in conclusion, i feel much stronger. it was a bit like tequila.
One of the oldie men wanted to try it but his wife wouldnt let him. bless.
We moved on from the workshop section of the trip, back on the boat we drifted (not literally) along the delta, looking at the water hyacinth banks and the rice paddies. We stopped at an 'Ethnic Minority Village'. Id like to make a point here. Why on EARTH is that a selling point? We have enough minorities in our own countries, why do we need to visit here?? grrr. Anyway, it was an Islamic Ethnic minority, most of Vietnam is Christian or Buddhist. It was full of weaving girls and small children selling cakes. the guide told us not to buy them (wouldnt have anyway) cos the kids should have been in school. Also she told us that men in the village could have up to 4 wives and at 13 girls had to stay in their rooms all day so men couldnt look at them. Until about 15 years ago. Now they work all day out of their rooms. Good old equal rights movements.
HAd a wee then got back on the boat and off to luncheon. The boat couldnt get to the place we were eating so we all had to get on pushbikes....han goes 'ooooh im going to fall off, i havent ridden one in...'*crash*
I was riding along, hit a kerb in the middle of the street. i know, what was it doing there? anyway, so i go over it, han hits it, stops and the next thing i hear is her crashing to the ground, skinning her knee. Another ailment to add to her cut up toe from thai waterfall, insect bites, sunburnage (not bad, dont worry)..............GAH. So shes bleeding unsexily everywhere and gets whisked off to the restaurant while holly and i peddal on in the heat. get there, eat some meat and rice, for thats all it was, and cycle back to the boat. Hannah has it rough with us, were relatively unsympathetic, so she gets on the bike and proves her masculinity, along with the rest of us. Back on a boat, and more gazing at the beautiful surroundings, kids somersaulting of branches into the river, cows being washed, people waving etcetc. Go to the hotel, where for the first time in a while we have separate beds. a BALCONY!!! its sooooooooooo hot and gross, the fan pathetically wafts its warm air around.
Up early again, for breakfast of 2 fried eggs adn a baguette which is effectively (affectively????) an air bubble with crusts. Back on a bus to get a boat to see a fishfarm, a house where people live, with a HUGE cage under it in the river with loads of fish in it. Pretty much standard cage, standard fish, you need no description. We then motor to the Cambodian border (how exciting, we get more STAMPS!!!!!!!!!) awoowooo!Spend all of our stupid Vietnamese money and get what we have named 'funny money' as change when we buy luncheon, as the guide gets our visas. 8000Riels is a quid, but you get NOTES only and the notes start at 50 riels, about 1/8th of a penny. You cant even buy things for 50 riels so thats annoying. and they take american dollardollarbills, worth more, and give you shitty riel change. Anyway, lunch was nice, and i ate half a pineapple for good luck, and then we got off at the immigration compound (it had badminton courts and grassy lawns) and immigration officers lounging around, who then jump up and run to their little booths. Our visas are soooo cool, and we got lots of stamps which literally (C&E!!) makes my day!
so, were in CAMBODIAAA!! how exciting, until we get on a bus, and realise our trip to a All You Can Eat fruit Orchard is non existant. grrr.
The people with us are so bloody whingey though. We have whiney canadian 3some. she is highschoolesque and obviously spoiled by her father- she must have her own credit card, i can tell these things. And a couple who i couldnt be bothered to pay attention to. There is a poofey belgian woman who later on earns the title 'most antisocial of all', a brit couple who seem normal, and a brit 'oldie' couple who won golds at the 'talking olympics'. Want to make a point here, dont get me wrong, im merely observing, i have no preconceived prejudices, except the one against americans, about people from any nation. except Brits who embarrass me by being rowdy and drunk and disgusting and racist and naive etc...
i LIKE Canadians, i proudly related to canadians, but why are all the ones i meet out here so whiney and annoying??? and as for Europeans, I went to a FABULOUS festival in belgium last year, they make delicious chocolate and do good crispy fluffy chips with lashings of mayo that make me spotty just thinking about, but this ginger poofey haired woman was inexcusably dull and unengaging. i dont say that in a mean way, she went out of her way to not engage socially. i could see her perspire from the effort of being so boring.
ANyway, by thins time they were all whining about the bus and why wasnt it a boat and la de darrr. i had a bit of a go about the lack of fruit, but the guide cant do anything if the travel agent sold you a different trip! Teh next bus we get on, has enough seats for 7, 2 of them dont have seat backs that stay up, they merely rest on the knees of the people behind. us. Were on there with the oldies, which makes a total of 5, adn the guide tells normal english couple to get on, but PoofeyGinge does, and refuses to get off, which means teh other bus is overcrowded. We drive along looking at the scenery, which is massively different from Vietnam. Flat and drier, cows and donkeys pull carts along the road which is about as flat as Jordan's Chest (it has been newly reduced i hear? she sold her implants on ebay the classy gal). I dont get too much time to admire the views for talking couple, who are lovely, are telling us their life story (she is 76, has great grand children, a daughter whos IVF has just left her pregnant with twins, theyve lived in leicester all their lives, just been visiting their son in NZ...........lost their luggage....angry emails to airline................)We arrive in Phnom Penh, Cambodian capital, its as mad as Bangkok, busy as Hanoi but somehow i like it...they leave us at the King's Guest House and we get a 5 bed room for the three of us. Play a bit of bouncing on the bed olympics, the normal couple - mark and sarah- turn our air con on with the remote theyve just paid to use, and we all go out for a few drinks and some eats.
The ATMS dish out US dollars, there are begging kids everywhere, who arent homeless or poor, but have learnt that if they ask enough, they get. not from us, were too stingey. We eat in a restaurant that puts its prices up because were white (i no lie) and drink quite a few Angkor Beers in celebration of our arrival in Cambodia. The evening climaxes as we discuss the torture devices women use to look beautiful-think wax and eyelash curlers- and Mark epilating his beard. Probably the funniest thing ive seen in a while!
