Extract: like this? is this good? i said in ...

Trip Start Jul 27, 2000
Trip End Aug 17, 2000

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Flag of Hungary  ,
Monday, August 7, 2000


"Like this? Is this good?" I said in a worried tone

"Yez, Yez... Very Zexxy!" He said, now winking
"Very naughty!" he added with his hand half cocked back as if ready to slap my butt.



We are in Salzburg now. Salzburg is a quaint little town in Austria, very picturesque. We are better rested now ( Thank god! )than our last entry because we have been staying in a little bed and breakfast on the outskirts of Salzburg nestled in rolling hills... what a welcome change!

The keyboard is german so please forgive any typos...


-- Arrival in Budapest

Over a bowl of breakfast goulash in the Budapest train station we plotted our assault on the city. "First accomodations... then sleep!", we decided. The choice of hostels, hotels and student dorms was quite broad but its always tough picking a good one from brochures and hear-say... Bleary eyed and barely awake we decided to pay our grossly overprice yet friendly cab driver to take us to the student accomodations we had reserved from prague, one of the reservations we had managed to salvage... This would be our first of an incessant sequence of being ripped off by cabs with rigged meters...

The room was hot... sticky... loud and about a 15 minute walk from the city. it was actually a 25 minute walk but when you walk back from downtown to the student district ( were our hostel was ) at night, with its delapetated houses, low light and contruction seemingly everywhere, the speedy pace you uncounsciously keep makes it a cool 15 minute walk.

After weighting the pros and cons of staying in the frat house for the night we decided it best to stick around for at least the one night and judge the next day weither to stay or not. That night, ear plugs werent enough to keep the noise of a crying hungarian resident out of my exhausted cranium... Judging from the sobbing, someone must have badly broken the boys heart and thus broken my much, much needed peaceful slumber...

Julie asked if we should lock the windows before leaving and I responded cooly with:

"yeah, we should lock them so that no one crawls in and steals our stuff"

... From then on we made a new rule that if we ever had the thought that someone could crawl into our windows that we probably shouldnt be staying there in the first place... we left early the next morning for a budget hotel 10 minutes north of the dorm...

-- Naked and Lubricated... The Thermal Baths

There we stood staring at the 3 meter long menu of services which the Gellert Baths provided its guests. Magical words such as MEDICAL MASSAGE and SALT BATH were peppered throughout a list of what looked like 100 soothing delights. Julie, staring at the menu, eyes wide open with a giddy smile, didnt say a word at first, mentally selecting a shortlist of goodies we would have liked to squeeze into the 2 hours left before the baths closed. Being an expert in this area, I let her pick.

The baths, which had been recommended by a friend, turned out to be a gigantic maze of rooms containing pools, natural thermal baths ( supplied by nearby hot spring ), massages, facials, salt bath and a pluthora of other goodies... truly an adults playground.

Fumbling for what ever cash we could muster, we payed the tiny sum the cashier at the door had demanded and entered the complex...

We had no idea what to expect, except from what we had read on the menu. We had both brought bathing suits, mine safely stored in Julie's bag.

The entrance hall, and most of the complex was built by the Romans as a health center, and the decor has stayed the same since. Unfortunately pictures werent allowed, but imagine walls with thousands of penny sized colored ceramic tiles of all colors decorating every square inch to make fabulous mosaics and colored stucco everywhere the eye could see. To top it all off sculptures of gods and goddesses odorned every nook and cranny. Truly a romanesque feel...

Hand in hand, heads looking straight up to the beautiful ceiling and innocently walking towards the door on the right as our attendant had pointed out, we were pulled apart. Julie was pulled into a door through which men were clearly unwanted and I was lurred to a door further down which was equally uninviting for women...

-- Door Number 1

Being hushed quickly into the women's entrance, I had realized that I had Luc's bathing suit... but it was too late, he was gone, and I was here... where ever that was...

After putting aside the guilt from the thought of Luc wandering the complex stark naked while I had not only one but 2 bathing suits in my bag, I made my highest priory ensuring I managed to get a massage.

Between me and a massage stood a big hungarian woman, smiling wildly. Desperately, I pleaded my case.... it was no use, it was painfully obvious that english was not her first, second or third language for that matter.

"Massaaaaaggggggeeeee..." I said as I gestured what I thought a hungarian massage may look like

Smiling like a drunken fool she stared blankly at me.

"MMMMMMMAAAAAAASSSSSSAAAAAAGGGGGGGGEEEEE..." I said, now seeming to break through the language barrier with ridiculous gestures.

Her response was the gift of a grossly oversized sheet which could only be worn as a swim suit by the largest of women and a "shrugging off" as the next victims, a group of naive american girls, took my place as the star(s) of the great hungarian mime show.

The waiting room was full.

"My god... I am going to be here forever! And why do all of these women have these blue sheets of paper?" I thought

Then came the masseuse. Having 15 women in line before me, what happened next was quite unexpected. The masseuses hand formed an accusing finger pointing shape and directed it at me as if I were next in line.

Fearing be mauled by the others I sheepishly exchanged glances with the other women. Surprisingly, they seemed unaffected by this new change of events. So without thinking twice, I skipped the line and off I went. I later realized that my good fortune was most likely due to the fact that I was a paying customer and not because of my personal charm (Damn!).

Laying on the massage table, with no more than a pair of earings ring on, and amongst the other 4-5 other women being pounded and contorted I couldnt help but thinking that Luc may be waiting patiently outside for his swim trunks. That lasted a whole of 5 seconds until another wave of tricep squeezes made it uterly impossible to think of anything other than my now tenderized muscles.

-- Door Number 2

I had to assume that Julie would meet me on the inside once I had changed into my swimming gear... but this naive notion quickly washed away...

"English?" I said weirily to the jovial looking large man at the front door.

"Nem Nem" He laughed out, revealing a big black tooth and a big Santa Claus smile.

That ment "No No"... Its amazing how, no matter what language, you can always pick up what yes and no is... In this perticular case, I would have much rather heard "Yes Yes", I would even had settled for "Yez, Yez"

"Medical Massage?" I said, growing increasingly concerned by the feeling that I had no idea what I was supposed to do next.

He grabbed a tiny little piece of cloth, threw it at me and pointed up stairs...

Fumbling clumsly to get the unidentified rag from off of my face I went upstairs... The upstairs revealed itself to be a large romanesque room with tiny little cubicals, much like a tipical work cubical but with a canvas sheet as a door and a very angry looking guard.

I walked over to him and asked for a massage, not knowing what exactly I was supposed to be doing on this floor. He grunted something that sounded like he was digesting a bad plate of goulash and waved his hand towards a booth as if I was supposed to know what that meant... Sitting in the booth, no idea what was expected of me, I now inspected the
rag which was assiged to me...

It turned out to be a 1 foot by 1 foot sized peice of once-white cloth. Tying each side to the other was a long string.

"You have to be kidding!",
"Do I put this over my bathing suit?",
"Do I just put this on with nothing underneath?"

A quick flash of me walking down to the mixed bath with nothing but a tiny cloth covering mister twinkle and my bare arse blowing in the breeze as everyone pointed and laughed emphasized the urgency of finding out exactly what I was supposed to be doing with this dish cloth... Taking a big gulp of courage... I walked over to what I had now assumed was the guardian of the change room.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" I said wearily

Another sequence of grunts and vigorous hand flailings ensued. It was now clear, that he spoke even less english than the one who had thrown me the rag.

"Great! Just great... "
"Well Its naked or nothing" I said decisively.

There I was in my little cubicle, with nothing but a tiny little rag over my lower front side and slim cloth string accross my waist... never had I felt so.... hummm... exposed...

"God, I hope I am not the only one dressed like this when get down those stairs!" I thought, now tightly clenched and slightly stressed out.

Like a hunter, quietly creaping up on prey, I tip toed down the stairs avoiding eye contact with anyone, eyes firmly focused on the floor...

There was Santa Claus again... quickly I blurted out, while pointing to my all-too exposed butt.

"Like this? Is this good?" I said in a worried tone

"Yez, Yez... Very Zexxy!" He said, now winking
"Very naughty!" he added with his hand half cocked back as if ready to slap my butt.

A nervous skip to the left evaided a potentially ego crushing blow.

With my head slightly turtled back, a hand over my back side and eyes darting left and right I took a big gulp and headed towards the thermal baths. Quickly I scuttled behind 2 others and followed them in with the foolish notion that I actually looked as if I knew what I was doing.


Walking into a social bath for the first time, essentially naked, you suddenly become all too conscious of that extra bag of doritos you ate last night or that workout you had promised yourself over the last month...


The baths were filled with men ... no women.

"I wonder were julie is?" I think to myself wondering if she is now naked in her own thermal bath.

Shuffling to the very far and back of the bath I became a wall flower for the next 30 minutes... The idea of bathing with 30ish naked men is enough to make any man a little squeemish. The baths looked like what a typical Roman Orgy would have looked like ... minus the women and the fruit ( I always imagined roman orgies to have fruit involved... dont ask )

I got a little worried when I remembered that on certain nights the bath became a gay night. I could only imagine what happened on those nights but I struggled pretty hard to remember exactly which day that was while sitting there... "Thursday? Friday? oh god... what night was that again?" The fact that everyone was starrig at my ... humm upper leg region didnt help.

After about 30 minutes, now accustomed to the bath etiquette, I decided it was time for a massage... Calm and cool I strutted to the massage room were a big, muscled, oily, tanned hungarian in nothing but a little speedo told me to strip and lay down. I think I would have preferred a women but there wasnt exactly much of a choice.

"Just the back please" I said with a slightly sheepish smile
"Yez, tiz no problem..." he said confidently

So, fully lubricated, buck naked and oiled up, mister hungaria liberally massaged every square inch of bare flesh and I do mean every square inch... Luckily I was front side down...

Retreiving my clothes and bags from the guardian I thankfully saw my Julie sitting out front waiting to meet me were we quickly compared notes with each other about our very recent and unusual experiences.

We actually returned the next day, this time decked out in a rented speedo 3 sizes to small, to explore all of the little hidden rooms in the complex. Walking around, cold baths, steam showers, saunas, mist showers, massages, pools, hot tubs and just about any water based recreation could be found in a very roman like setting.

The baths actually turned out to be our best experience in Budapest.

-- Budapest, the city and the sights

Boat rides on the Danube, Turkish palaces, hungarian churches, plentiful open market squares and castles made up our days in Budapest. It was a fantastically cheap and genuine experience. Tourists arent quite as numbered here and the city isnt fully westernized, yet... if you can, get to Budapest as quick as you can!

It was fairly difficult to pull english off though. I was very happy to see the freindly english speaking Austrians greet us on arrival to our bed and breakfast here in Salzburg.

We are actually off tonight to Interlacken for some swiss delights. We'll update as soon as we can.

Luc and Julie.

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