Buenos Aires Hotels
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Lost and found
Entry 36 of 36 | show all | print this entry |
It has been a while since I felt like writing, whether about pretty landscapes or about my state of mind. I had intended Buenos Aires to be a place of rest and reflection, and the time I reached this city would be a deadline for making some all-important life decisions that I have been thinking over all this while.
But nothing ever works out as you plan it. I'm sad to report that there will be no more photos from this trip. As I was sitting leasurely at a cafe one sunny afternoon, I fell victim to the classic two-man robbery scam, where one distracts you with something (in my case, asking for directions) as another takes off with your valuables. Yet again police reports, yet again changing passwords, yet again cause for thought.
Most importantly, I am alive and well. Nothing else really matters all that much. I still have most of my documents, and what I don't have any more is thankfully quite replaceable. Or, as we say in Bulgaria - health and love, and all else can be bought. The main effect of this incident is that I all of a sudden felt very wary, tired from all this moving about, from not having a place to call home, from having to get to know a new city, village or park every few days. All of a sudden I just wanted to be home.
And while I am fully recovered now and ready to see my trip through to its natural conclusion, I am also glad that the end is in sight and that I will soon enough be having a daily routine in my life again. I rejoice at the thought of waking up each morning with a cup of coffee and reading the morning news and weather forecast over the internet before setting off for work.
I have been wondering lately, what did I learn on this journey? If I had to compile a "lost and found" list, what would it look like? I set out to get to know the world, but somehow ended up discovering myself. How ironic, that I should end up travelling thousands of miles to become more intimate with what has been inside me all this time. But, I contend, this is probably a more valuable knowledge to possess; one which will light the way for decisions and choices I make in the future. The peaks of Torres, as spectacular and unforgettable as they may be, will be of no assistance to me in my future life.
The first thing I realized is that most of the items in the "lost" category are material items, easily replaceable; whereas most of the things I "found" are in my heart and mind, and will stay with me forever. And since its much easier to list physical objects, let me first get that out of the way.
Lost: two backpacks, $1500 of camera equipment, 3 sweaters, a swiss army knife, an MP3 player, 4 memory cards and a USB stick, a cell phone and 2 SIM cards, my green card (that has now been taken care of), numerous articles of clothing, jewelry (all cheap, thank heavens), and so on. Honestly, this list bores me so I can't be bothered to think of the rest.
I am a creature of intuition; and while I usually sense the right answer I am not always able to logically explain it. How strange, might you say, for a person who spent over a decade dealing with numbers and analyses. Perhaps that is one of the prime reasons why I chose to stay in public accounting for so long - to prove to myself that deductive, logical reasoning is not entirely beyond me. For sure I picked up some valuable techniques along the way - otherwise I doubt I would have made it as far as I did. Yet even now, I struggle to clearly formulate exactly what it is that I advanced my knowledge of self with. I feel more comfortable with myself, but to put it all down in words would be a different matter altogether.
Well, let me at least try... no harm ever came from trying.
So what did I gain then? For one thing, I learned that fulfilling my ambitions has made me content but not necessarily happy. To reach happiness, some compromises need to be made. Compromise has always been rather difficult for me - I usually want it all, and I want it now. A house with a white picket fence, limitless travel and a stellar career, all at the same time. Oh, did I mention the loving boyfriend and loyal dog? Now I'm thinking perhaps I can let go of the dog idea... Yes, I'm thinking I can suffer for another few years while I slowly work on aligning the perfect constellation of opportunities. And even if they don't ever align quite perfectly - all I have to do is think about all the misery I have seen on my numerous travels, all the unfortunate people that don't have a roof over their heads and a means of securing their next meal... to realize how lucky and fortunate I already am in my life.
While we are on the subject of boyfriend, let me tell you that I have never been happier with my single life. We all need to be loved, that is true. But then I think I already have more love in my life than I know what to do with. It would be great to have a partner, yet I am no longer anxious about being alone. Because I'm not really alone. No boyfriend can make you happy if you're not already happy with yourself. And when you are indeed happy with yourself, having a companion becomes a want, not a need. A luxury, not a necessity.
This last realization is tightly linked to thinking about my friends. I came to understand just how much they mean to me, and that I really miss their constant presence in my life. The support you all have provided me through your emails, comments and contributions to my Montanita library cause has kept me smiling and care-free even in the most difficult of moments. I find myself longing to spend time with you all on a regular basis - weekly lunches and movie outings, birthday parties, camping trips... the beauties of "routine" life!
Don't get me wrong, I think at some point in the future I will get "the itch" once again, and then we will have another going away party, and you will have another lengthy blog to muse over week in, week out. But the days when I disappear and my closest friends don't hear from me for months at a time are now a thing of the past.
I wish I could say that I have learned not to be so trusting - but that is not the case. Instead, next time I will just try to have a better insurance policy. That's as far as material possessions go. As far as learning to read people (my former boss David is really good at this, I wish I could be more like him)... analysis has not yielded much, but my intuitions are usually correct. It takes a lot of guts to trust your sixth feeling when you have no solid evidence to go on (says the accountant in me), but my senses have been proven right about 90% of the time. So instead of trying to develop a skill I am obviously no good at, I am going to focus on using what I have been given better.
One of the concerns I had when I first set out was that my tendency to let things get to me, to get worked up when things don't go exactly as I had planned them, to anger when everything is not perfect - that all this would somehow dampen my experiences. Let me tell you, after just a few weeks on the road as a backpacker you either get this beaten out of you, or you remain highly miserable. Thankfully, I ended up in the first category.
In Ecuador I made plans to go places and do things, but those plans were shattered because I fell and hurt my back badly and had to stay in bed for a week. In Bolivia I had to cancel a much looked forward to trip to the jungle because of weather conditions, and ended up losing a bunch of money on a flight that could not be refunded. I stayed in Lima for 10 days longer than I wanted to because my camera equipment was stuck at the slow moving Peruvian customs office. In Ecuador again, I found love only to lose it not long thereafter, and I was helpless to arrest the direction in which that relationship was headed. Service everywhere has been non-existent, directions provided - misleading, and some people's motives - quite dubious. And I spent 3 months discussing a potential job with a company before they decided perhaps now was not the most opportune time for them.
When stuff like that happens, you either cry or you laugh. And maybe I cried once or twice, but overwhelmingly I learned to laugh and move on. Like I said, I'm alive and well, and who cares about the rest, really...
And so I press on, as the end nears. I am going to make it full circle back to Ecuador before I return to the States. I got lazy here in Buenos Aires, and did not go to the Colombian embassy - so I probably won't be going there after all. But Ecuador has some spectacular beaches and I can't wait to be sitting on them and soaking up the sun for my last few weeks on this continent. If I am lucky, I will manage to take the scuba diving classes I had to opt out of a few months back due to my unexpected fall in Quito. Or I will continue taking kite boarding lessons. Or keep trying to surf.
I fly to northern Peru on Monday so by this time next week I should be comfortably sitting on a golden beach somewhere along Ecuador's fine coast.
I doubt I'll be making many more postings from this point onwards. I've covered this territory before. The last few weeks are not about discovering new places - they are about reflections, transition, peace of mind. I'll be back soon - so you better have those sushi dinner reservations ready!!! (I am *craving* edamame)
Latest Comments (1)
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The beginning of a new beginning? (reply)
Mar 22, 2008 17:52 EST by billie_leff
Hey Patilancho, yes we really have enjoyed your writings even though not all of us have always commented... I like your idea of the lost and found inventory, and yes life is full of compromises (but you don't have to give up the dog quite yet). Well, we can't wait to see you so you can tell us all in person and paint the pictures of the places you could not take pictures of. In a way, you are n... show all
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