Linden Hotels
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We started slowly
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We started slowly ... because preparations took a lot of time.
By
Amos Elnavogan (translated by us with a few liberties)
One car, two parents, two kids and a long day trip.
Random thoughts and associations.
· It doesn't matter how much space you have for storage, the most stuff will accumulate by mommy's feet.
· She will always complain about it, but will never allow for the water bottle and fruit salad to be in the back.
· The harder you work on the fruit salad, the less chances there are the kids will even bother to taste it.
· The old trick of calling a spoiled banana "honey" stopped working in '78
· Even with a peeled apple won't get them to taste fruits anymore.
· It is very nice that you prepared snacks, cookies, chocolates, sandwiches, fudge, potato chips, waffles, crackers, smores, bagels, Pringles etc. But all the kids want is salt-water toffee.
· No toffee is certainly a good reason for a meltdown.
· Meltdowns don't achieve anything (but get good results).
· Even if mommy will get up at 5 AM and keep asking everyone "why aren't you in the car yet", you'd still end up sitting in the car waiting for her.
· It's OK to wait a few minutes, but she has the keys and we have no air condition.
· Fact: husband and wife will never agree on a comfortable car temperature.
· That's true in the winter as well.
· It really doesn't matter because at the end (meaning in the beginning) we set the temperature to the wife's liking anyway.
· Unless the kids complain.
· Kids who sleep in the back sit give a new meaning to the phrase "flexibility of the human body".
· Children have a habit of falling asleep in the car, which is fine; the problem is that they fall asleep ten minutes before we arrive at our destination.
· Most families who fly together instead of driving, most likely had a long road trip beforehand.
· You know the articles you read about taking books, games, crayons, etc. to let the kids keep themselves busy? It works!
· For about five minutes.
· Kids in the backseat have two realms of existence: sleeping or fighting.
· To get them to stop fighting it is recommended to shut them up with food. But then they fight about the food.
· After the "food experiments" comes the pathetic stage of playing idiotic road games like "who is going to see the first red car?" and such. The universal truth of the "five minute rule" is observed here as well.
· Five minutes is a long time in these situations.
· The moment your wife will finish rigging up some contraption to block the sun in one of the kid's window, the sun will show up in the other window.
· It's OK, her ass looks good that way.
· It's true that the bar-b-que was awesome, but what does that have to do with the McDonald's down the road?
· It doesn't matter how many lakes you swam in, what restaurants you ate, how many water parks, amusement parks, or theme parks you visited or even what malls you stopped at, on the way home the kids will only remember that you wouldn't let them have another turn on those stupid rides outside the supermarket where you put in 50 cents and the car goes back and fourth.
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