Magic Kingdom…A Cinderella Story
Trip Start Sep 12, 2009
14Trip End Sep 19, 2009
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We already knew that we had dish washing duty at Cinderella's castle today, so we went ahead and took the bus to the Magic Kingdom.
After a relatively short ride…but the longest ride out of all the Empire's slave houses (which they call "hotels", "resorts" or "lodges"…but we know the truth) we finally arrived at the Magic Kingdom. Uniformed Imperial guards were there to greet us and check our bags…could it be that the Princess Cinderella has instructed them to search all Imperial peasants coming to slave over a hot stove in her castle?
Once we passed the uniformed guard, an overly cheerful and friendly Imperial henchwoman instructed us to put our tickets into their machine and scan our finger…all except the youngest…because you can’t be an Imperial slave before the age of 3…so has the Mouse Overlord decreed
Now that the Empire has officially welcomed us as Imperial slaves by taking our fingerprints we made our way to our first assignment – washing Princess Cinderella’s dishes…or was it peeling royal potatoes…I can’t remember.
As we made our way to the royal castle we stumbled upon hordes of Imperial slaves standing in-line to pay their respects to Chairman Duck in front of City Hall, we wanted to as well but were satisfied with sending the kids to put a tribute next to a wonderfully colorful statue of Goofy the Guard dog across the plaza.
We took as many photos as we can not knowing when, or even if, we will see each other again. As we approached the castle we noticed statues of all the Imperial gods in a glorified tribute to a ghoulish ritual they love to celebrate known as “Hallow Ween” – whatever that means. We stopped to say a short blessing by a statue of the Mouse Overlord holding the hand of what must have been the first Imperial slave, ironically titled "Partners", and continued on to our castle assignments.
As we approached the castle we saw that we they were preparing for a mighty battle (more on that later) so we walked around when we were suddenly blinded by a bright light and a booming voice commending us to stand in line and pay our respects to the Fairy Godmother – which we promptly did.
As we were standing in line, shaking from fear of retribution by the witch, our children, blissfully unaware of the danger, played at the Cinderella fountain. A magical fountain of Princess Cinderella decorated with talking rodents and forest animals slaving away in what seemed to us as a sweat shop making Imperial gowns.
In an extremely arrogant, yet expected move, the Empire has installed water fountains around the statue, so one has to kneel before the princess when drinking the precious liquid, only to look up and see a crown on her head (the crown is painted on the wall behind her).
We finally got to the front of the line, the Vile Vamp commanded our children to come forth, and in a sweet voice...which chilled the bones once spoken...asked them gingerly about their day while writing her mysterious and magical spells in their autograph books.
Barely escaping with our lives, we thanked the Fairy Godmother profusely and quickly went our merry way. At this time, we still didn’t tell the children they will be working as potato peelers…or any other menial kitchen duty…so in an evil scheme which would make the Empire proud, I stayed behind to “take some pictures” while Cheri continued on with the children
After a few moments I returned, and announced that the Princess Cinderella herself came down and commanded us to report for kitchen duty…only I couldn’t…what I said was “invited us for lunch”, and in another magnificent lie which should make me an honorary Imperial Slave of the Month, I blurted out “and the Fairy Godmother gave me a dress for Isabella".
A dress we brazenly brought from home.
I hang my head in shame thinking about it now.
Isabella was happy as a dressmaker mouse...but she's only four (AND A HALF!!!)...her happiness only grew as we approached the grotto of the sea monster Ariel – who has put a magical spell on many men, among them a weak minded prince...and some say is the last evil sea siren mentioned in Homer’s Odyssey, which almost brought brave Ulysses to a bitter end.
However the wait was 20 minutes – we said we’ll come back while we went to pay homage to a magical talking bear and his friends, as well as the good hearted Queen who, through much effort, disguised herself as a sweet elderly and maternal merchant so she could bring her beloved step daughter some apples.
Only to meet her bitter end.
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh ride was a great success and brought many words of praise to the Empire, who diverted us to the store as we approached the end, however Snow White’s Scary Adventures lived up to it’s name
Who would take a beloved children’s character and scare the daylights of the kids who adore the Imperial apple taster and her loving step-mother?
Each rider is forced to sit in one of the dwarf's mine carts...an insult directed squarly at the beloved step-mother Queen.
As I was thinking that I suddenly noticed Cheri was taken into the Empire's grap ...or was it the bathroom…I can’t remember.
While waiting for my beloved wife (may she live a long life), the children tried to get out the Sword from the Stone...a display around Cinderella's Carousel.
Of course they couldn’t budge the Sword...from the Stone…because it’s impossible…because it’s a trick the Evil Empire plays on innocent little kids by promising them riches and glory only to be disappointed again and again
As we made our way to the front of the palace in order to witness the spectacle of the Imperial celebration of its heroes, we encountered the highlight of our day. Princess Cinderella’s beloved step mother and step sisters – the three women who are celebrated for their beauty, talent and kindness. Those beloved figures are mainly known for taking an innocent small orphan into their collective bosoms and raising her to be a mighty princess. The children, as well as us, were delighted in meeting them at last – to counter the Fairy Godmother who commanded her presence to be known. They were generous, funny and an overall delight.
As we approached the show in front of the castle we were charmed to see the Benevolent Malcifent trying to save the Magic Kingdom from the Imperial gods – only to suffer a heart wrenching defeat (we understand that this mighty battle happens several times a day).
As a consolation prize we went on the Dumbo ride, a mind bending ride, which even though lacks pizzazz, sophistication & technological feats - still rated very high among all of soon-to-be Imperial slaves.
Now, I’m no rocket scientist but even I know those ears will have to be much bigger in order for the little butterball to fly.
We also tried to bare closeness in order to hear the sea siren sing – but the line got longer and the wait went from 20 minutes, to 40, then 60 and finally 90 minutes.
Never mind, we let the children loose in the Pooh’s Playful Spot - a tree house playground – where all the would be Imperial slave master such tasks as cleaning, opening doors, delivering messages and running.
At this time it started raining, but Isabella had her appointment at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique, so the two ladies went off under protection of the Empire while the two men were left to fend for themselves in the stormy weather.
As it were, we entered the Imperial self promotion propaganda known as “Mickey's PhilharMagic”, a 4D movie which challenges your senses, as well as lets you cool down for 20 minutes in an air-conditioned theater which lets you appreciate the magnificent work the Empire has done over the years.
We will stop and pay homage this movie several more times in the next few days.
By that time it stopped raining, while Isabella was still in the process of being turned into an Imperial Princess, we ventured over to pay our respects to the Imperial enforcer – Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin
Jakey and I went on the ride (which was OK) and were lucky enought to see the Enforcer himself – even though we didn’t get to go and pay our respects (we tried, but he had better things to do and an Imperial cast member told us to come back in 20 minutes – but we didn’t come back).
Some thanks for helping the Enforcer get his supplies of batteries back from Zurg: Friend to Children Everywhere (we have a theory that Zurg might be the Easter Bunny...but we're not sure).
We came back to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique only to find out that Isabella’s transformation has finished and that we don’t know where the ladies are. I called Cheri and since there was no answer we decided to go on Cinderella’s Golden Carousel. A grand circle of majestic horses which Cinderella have seemingly turned into enchanted Imperial slaves and let innocent children get to take advantage of the horses day after day, hour after hour.
As we were on the carousel my phone rang…which I didn’t answer…because I was on the carousel. Turned out it was Cheri…who didn’t answer my call…because she was on the carousel
What has the Empire done to my little girl?
She was barely recognizable with her hair slicked back, tons of makeup on and a whole bunch of “fairy dust” on her head (I still think they are small microchips which let the Empire keep track of their slaves).
Alas, she seemed happy…and if she’s happy so are we…because she has us wrapped around he little finger (but don’t tell her).
Finally, it was time to go into the castle and meet the filthy princess who has put many mice and men under her spell (not to mention scores of little girls), and see who gets to dine at her Royal Table. We were ushered in immediately, surrounded by magnificent mosaics depicting the life of the Princess, but to our surprise not to the kitchen but to meet the princess herself – we only assumed to get our orders.
The princess Cinderella...who is not nearly as filthy as her name suggests... rejoiced at meeting her new slaves, she immediately put Isabella under her charm, and to our horror even enchanted our beloved Jakey. After some mandatory pictures we were ushered into the dining room and served our measly lunch which consisted of appetizers (brochette, some cheeses and a salad for all four) , entrees (pork loin and the Majordomo beef entrée). For desserts we got the cheesecake and the chocolate buckle. As a surprise to Cheri I also got the Slipper dessert (which the Empire requires you to order 48 hours ahead of time)
As an added bonus, four more Imperial Princesses came out to check out the merchandise…and I do mean the new Imperial slaves. However, they cleverly disguised their evaluation as if they were interested in our children.
The princesses were:
Snow White – sorceress of forest animals and enemy to all senior citizens.
Sleeping Beauty – who cast her spell over our son by giving him an enchanted kiss of which he still talks about to this day.
Princess Jasmine – Accomplice of thieves and criminals
Belle – tamer of beasts and enchanted dishes (we understand that she might be our kitchen-boss).
Snow White even told Isabella that the diamonds on her new hair pins were from the dwarf's mine...Isabella had tears in her eyes...because she's a consciousness little girl...and knows about the evils of the "Dwarf Blood Biamonds"...or was she just excited....there is no way of knowing...because she's only four (AND A HALF!!!).
The desserts were excellent, but if we’ll be serving in the kitchen, we will have to do something about the quality of the entrees…maybe the mice also cook and as well as sew?
In order to let our food digest properly we took the ladies to another showing of Mickey's PhilharMagic – a show which has rotted our brains into believing the Imperial propaganda
Towards the evening it started to rain.
Should we chance it and go view the fireworks?
We don't know so we're doing the only sensible thing two responsible adults who are charged with the welfare of two lovely children could possibly do.
We ask a four (AND A HALF!!!!) year old if we should go.
She says “yes”.
We went and what do you know, even though it was raining giraffes and zebras at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, the Magic Kingdom is dry as a glass slipper.
After the fireworks we stuck around the park to help clean…as is our duty as Imperial slaves…but as it happened, the park was not busy and we were still in awe by the beautiful fireworks show. After which our little princess decided she must do the ride featuring the Imperial enforcer, Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, as so her little brother won’t up do her one bit. We put our foot down and said “No!”, after all we have a whole park to clean, no time to waste and tomorrow is another busy day.
After the princess and her mother finished with the Buzz Lightyear ride…because she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don’t tell her)…we went to eat at Pescos Bill’s and to Peter Pan's Flight - which we got FastPass earlier (and quickly became a family favorite)
Maybe we would volunteer our servitude at Pescos Bill’s, to help raise their quality of food as well.
Today we triumphed…I’m sure our Imperial servitude will start tomorrow…