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  Hanoi, Vietnam
Thursday, November 20, 2008

If Southeast Asia were the A-Team, Thailand would definitely be Faceman.  He's pretty clean, good-looking, he probably knows some British people, and he's definitely the only one with a tux.  If somebody's gonna welcome you into the A-Team garage, or wherever it is that they keep the van, from a PR standpoint it should be Face.  He's definitely not my favorite member of the team, but he's nice and he's still one of the guys and can provide all the weird smells and incredible sights the rest of the crew can, he's just a little more westernized.
Then Lao's gotta be Hannibal.  He's been through at least as much, if not more, than the rest of the guys (hell, the US dropped more bombs on him during the "secret war" than they did on Nazi Germany during all of WWII) but he just quietly hangs back, relaxed, smoking a cigar and sipping some Lao Lao.  He never gets pissed off, he's always smiling, but you know he's the cornerstone of the group and as such he's worth paying close attention to.  He can dress up for a mission, but he never pulls it off.  He's just Hannibal in a costume, and that's why you gotta love him.  When his cover gets blown (yeah, like Hannibal ever looked like a valet parker anyway) he's cool, 'cause he knows that when you're as beautiful and charming as Lao, no matter what goes wrong, the plan's gonna come together.  He just listens to your question politely, looks down at the 6 foot long bomb, and says, "Cluster bomb.  From America.  Where you're from, right?"  Then offers you a shot of Lao Lao.  Nervously, you accept.  "I have an uncle in Fresno.  Have you been to Fresno?"  No, not yet, but it looked cool in The Karate Kid.
And then there's Vietnam.  We've only got two choices left, but even if there were thousands, it'd have to be Murdock.  Everyone knows that Murdock is the biggest baddass of the crew, not just those of us who identified with the weird, smart, dorky one who sometimes dressed as a woman and always had to see a psychiatrist.  I will remind you that Murdock could do anything the rest of them could, perhaps better, he was just a little unstable.  He has to be the most intriguing one of the bunch, with the charm and beauty of the terraced hills of the sapa valley, the magnificent limestone formations of Halong Bay, the excitement and personality of Hanoi, and the absolute craziness of having what Sarah referred to as "the most bizarre combination of true kindness and complete cruelty." (or something like that)  He offers the best and worst food on the planet, and like that poor hand that often rose up from under Murdock's jacket to strangle its unwitting owner, Vietnam seems to be trying it's darndest to drive people away.  But it's just too damned beautiful a place.  It's crazy, but it's just crazy enough to work.
So then I guess Cambodia is B.A. Baracus, the surprisingly sweet one capable of unspeakable violence who'd drive that damned van right through every garage door in Asia if he got the chance. (that is, of course, if they had garages over here)  But while I absolutely love the idea of a Cambodian Mr. T, my commitment to honesty and accuracy in all of my travel reporting demands that I mention that I haven't gotten to Cambodia yet, so I'll have to let you know about that one later on.

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