The Kama Sutra.......!

Trip Start Feb 24, 2009
Trip End Feb 22, 2010

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Flag of India  , Madhya Pradesh,
Wednesday, October 14, 2009

There are a number of amazing sights and temples to see in India. I can't really answer why visiting here had to be on my list. Possibly because it's not all about sex, but love and  happiness too....isn't it? Plus I've just lived the pious life of a nun for 10 days we may as well experiment with this new found inner peace among these Vatsyayana temples!

Following the Kama Sutra

Instruction 1....
"The citizen in search of the good life should take a house in a large village/ city in the vicinity  of good men or in the place which is the resort of many persons"

-Khajuraho isn't particularly a big village
+ the owner and staff seemed like good men as they immediately sheltered me with Chai from the crazy number of touts outside
+ A glance around the roof top restaurant revealed a number of fellow travelers and an Italian group

2 points towards eternal bliss.....

Instruction 2....
"This abode should be situated near some water and divided into different compartments for different purposes. It should be surrounded by a garden and also contain two rooms: an outer and an inner one."

-There is a dry and dirty 'river' but it's a long walk away
-There is a separate restaurant, internet room and reception
+My room has a little balcony part if that counts?

2 points away from the good life........

Instruction 3....
"....the outer room should contain a bed, soft, agreeable to sight, covered with a clean white cloth, low in the middle part, having garlands and bunches of flowers upon it and a canopy above and two pillows......."

+agreeable to sight but I'm paying a pound a night how can i complain?
+ the sheets were clean...and surprisingly white...except for the brown spots on the foot of sheet two-we won't think about it!
- No flowers or canopy and mosquitoes don't seem like a threat for me to bother digging my net out of the black hole (aka rucksack)
- Two bricks as opposed to pillows

Mutual standing for the moment

Instruction 4.........
"......there should also be a sort of couch besides and at the head of this stool on which should be placed the fragrant ointments for the night as well as flowers, pots containing collyrium and other fragrant substances..........also a lute hanging from a peg made from the tooth of an elephant.....Not far from the couch there should be a round seat, a toy cart and a board for playing dice........cages of birds........"

-My room is wide enough for me to walk to the toilet and contains a small broken table and an old cupboard housing a family of ants who will occasionally crawl into my bed.

I'm doomed

Instruction  five.........
"Having got up in the morning  and preformed his necessary duties, the householder should wash his teeth apply a limited quantity of ointments and perfumes to his body, put some ornaments on his person and collyrium on his eyelids....."

I'm back on track armed with my Kerala gifts of bangles and earrings, still carrying around my silly Dubai Dior makeup purchase and antiseptic mouthwash from my dentist appointment in Kolkata  the good life is back in sight.

Instruction six......
"......After breakfast parrots and other birds should be taught to speak and the fighting of cocks quails and rams should follow...."

-before breakfast I tested out the free yoga session on offer. I should have stayed in bed. Although I'm no expert, twisting your wrists, forced yawning and "opening your sexual center" with pelvis twists does not count as yoga. Just because I'm here doesn't mean I want my 'sexual center' awakened. My aura was also read and I was renamed "Chama Devi" meaning goddess of forgiveness. I laughed as I forgave him for a rubbish yoga lesson and set out to find a parrot to teach. The absence of nature within the dusty town left me teaching the many touts, guides and taxi's the word 'No'!
The fighting of  cocks, oops I mean young male touts, for my attention did follow, whether i wanted it or not.

Instruction seven..........
"...during the afternoon, the householder, having put on his clothes and ornaments should converse with his friends..."

Ornaments- done
friends- Time to make some! Introducing the Swiss guy who kept returning with tales of his 'local' friends- I'm guessing he was conned.... ......the well traveled Australian with tales to tickle my taste buds .......the Kashmir shop keeper with his girlfriends of the globe (Irish was one still left to collect-and still is!) .....Bayer, my 'brother sister brother sister' local protecting me from the locals???.........the boy who insisted on following me around and telling me "we're born naked we die naked so we should be naked in between" wow he's right let's strip- jeeeez do I have stupid sex craved female written on my forehead?.........

Instruction eight........
"In the evening there should be singing and after that the householder, along with his friends should await in his room......for a female......"

With so many touts about and Diwali celebrations in full bang (literally a firework being set of all over the place every few seconds) I teamed up with the Australian to enjoy the signing, dancing and Diwali celebrations.

Instruction nine.......
"After her arrival at his house he and his friends should welcome her and entertain her with loving and agreeable conversation. Thus ends the duties of the day."

We went for dinner with yet another tout telling us about "there's a Python in my backside" and what does INDIA, FANTA, COKE and NEPAL mean. Not exactly agreeable conversation, but entertaining.
Duties over for the day- that one's easy I'm shattered after my sight seeing, tout avoiding, sweet eating and Diwali joy!

There are other chapters on biting, scratching etc but internet time is precious!

The burning question I'm sure on your mind....Did I find eternal bliss? Or at least enjoy a town so frustrated it's funny?

Some things are best not shared! ;-)  

Hi Granny!

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