Day 78: Parasites, Barrels of Beer and Bathtubs
Trip Start
Aug 24, 2005
1
16
21
Trip End
Jul 2006
Wuhan,
China
Saturday, November 12, 2005
I'm starting to stare blatantly at people just as the Chinese stare blatantly at me.
I'm starting to talk about people loudly in English because I know they won't understand me just as the Chinese talk loudly (and LAUGH) about me in Chinese because they know I can't understand them.
I suddenly think that paying more than the equivalent of 50 cents for a meal is robbery.
I suddenly have no problems crossing 10 lanes of traffic traveling at 50 mph with no crosswalk or streetlights (not that those make any kind of difference here)
01: East Lake
. And I suddenly expect that cars, bicycles, buses, motorcycles and mopeds will drive around me if I am in their way, in the street, or, hell, even on the sidewalk. When I get home I'm pretty sure I will get bitch-slapped, punched, thrown out of a restaurant, and hit by a car.
East Lake: One beautiful Sunday afternoon, I decided to take a walk down to my very favorite part of Wuchang: East Lake. This is one of the famous sights in Wuhan probably because it is so beautiful.
I think there are few things as wonderful as sprawling out on a blanket in the grass by a lake and reading a book. Especially when there are vendors everywhere selling delicious candied fruit on a stick, which, for future reference, seems to be the snack of choice by East Lake.
Also, if you want to swim in East Lake, hijack a boat and go to the middle of the lake. You'll get eaten by parasites if you wade by the shore.
Birthday Party at Giano's: Stephanie turned 23 on November 10th!
02:
! It was pouring rain, but we all went to Giano's which is this pizza place outside of the North Gate (about a half-hour walk from our apts). Giano's is owned and operated by a woman who lived in New York for like 10 years, so their food is pretty authentically Western, though because all of the ingredients are Chinese, the food can't taste completely Western, just as Chinese food in America can't actually taste like Chinese food here in China. Anyway, we ordered a bunch of pizza and beer, and then the waitresses turned off all of the lights, we lit candles, stuck 'em on a birthday cake, and sang Happy Birthday. The best part was the waitresses, who were so excited to be witnessing a Western birthday celebration, and they definitely sang along with us. We went back to Stephanie's apt so we could have some more cake (this time some real American funfetti cake with marshmallows that her mother sent her) and give her our presents. She got a really cool necklace from the Scotts, an awesome origami book from Jones, hilarious posters of random Chinese male models from Katie and Becky, cheese from Linnea since Stephanie doesn't actually like Chinese food for the most part, and some more American food from me.
China is the only place where a couple of granola bars, easy mac and reeses pieces contitute an amazing birthday gift
03:
.On The Road: No, not Jack Kerouac but the next best thing: a bar. There are two especially cool things about "On The Road":
1) They serve barrels of beer
2) There is a rock-climbing wall inside the bar
Actually, now that I think about it, it doesn't seem like the smartest idea to have a rock-climbing wall in a place where they serve barrels of beer.
Bathtub Emergency:
--Monday, 8pm. Took shower. Bathtub drain still not working properly despite numerous Chinese chemicals poured down drain. Bathtub full of brown water. Hope water will go down drain overnight.
--Tuesday, 6:30am. Bathtub still full of brown water. Hmm.
--Tuesday, 12:15pm
04:
. Bathtub still full of brown water. Realize could be problematic as hope to take shower tonight.--Tuesday, 4:15pm. Bathtub still full of brown water. Maybe should find Lorry and demand new bathtub.
--Tuesday, 4:30pm. Lorry not in office, as usual. Does he ever work?
--Tuesday, 9:00pm. Have taken water out of tub with bowl. Disgusting brown soap scum on bottom of tub. Cannot clean as cannot rinse cleaner down drain. Took shower on tiptoes. Bathtub again full of brown water. Tiptoe shower does not seem worth time spent taking water out of tub. Maybe will shower in sink tomorrow.
--Wednesday, 7:30am. Bathtub still full of brown water and soap scum. Situation now desperate.
--Wednesday, 8:00am. Lorry supposed to be in his office. Lorry not in his office. Lorry lives next door, why is he never in his office? Does he ever work?
--Wednesday, 8:15am
05:
. Seriously, Lorry, do you ever work??--Wednesday, 8:30am. Lorry STILL not in his office. Realize must spend next eight months showering with bucket. Very tragic.
--Wednesday, 8:45am. Aha, finally. Lorry playing on computer. Tell him about drain. Asks if have tried chemicals. Asks if have tried pulling hair out of drain. Realize Lorry thinks am stupid. Says will tell Shifu about problem. Wish I knew Chinese so I could tell Shifu the problem. Maybe would be fixed sooner as Lorry seems to have bad memory. Hope Shifu is magic worker.
--Wednesday, 12:30pm. Bathtub still full of brown water and brown soap scum. Maybe Shifu can't do magic as had hoped. Or maybe Lorry still playing on computer. Maybe will just not shower for eight months.
--Wednesday, 12:31pm. Realize showers are necessity. Cannot live without soap. Contemplate stealing Lorry's computer and holding it hostage until he gets bathtub fixed.
--Wednesday, 12:32pm
06: On-campus Outdoor Performance
. Realize am being slightly melodramatic. Probably won't be able to break in office and steal computer without someone noticing as have to walk past other offices to get to stairs. Cannot go through window as window has steel bars.--Wednesday, 12:33pm. Hmm, maybe will get oxyacetelyne torch to burn through bars.
--Wednesday, 12:34pm. Maybe is illegal in China.
--Wednesday, 12:35pm. Maybe will get C4 plastic explosive chargers to explode through bars.
--Wednesday, 12:36pm. Hmmm, maybe too messy.
--Wednesday, 12:37pm: Maybe will offer Lorry green tea with rohypnol so will fall asleep and then can steal computer.
--Wednesday, 12:38pm. Hmm, will also have to drug other international affairs office workers. Maybe too risky. Also do not have rohypnol and think is scary and wrong. Anyway, will have to hold off on plan for several hours as have to go back to work.
--Wednesday, 5:30pm. What? Bathtub no longer full of brown soap scummy water! Shifu has worked magic on bathtub drain!
See here's the thing about bathtubs.
You don't realize how much water fits in them until you have to take it out with a tiny green plastic bowl and pour it down the hole in your floor.
Comments
ahhhhhh
It all becomes clear now...well if you ever need any plastic explosives, phosphorus grenades, boats hijacked, or date rape drugs let me know because I know a guy who knows a guy in Shanghai.
ps
I had some delicious chocolate cake tonight that you would have enjoyed. It was flourless with hot fudge and whipped cream with little white chocolate sprinkles on it....just take a minute to let that sink it.....
ok, got it?
mmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Have a good night.
surriously?
you get 7 cool points for the green plastic bowl.