BASHERT
Trip Start
Oct 16, 2007
1
31
52
Trip End
Dec 16, 2007
Loading Map
Waterford,
Michigan,
United States
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The first couple of weeks I spent my time trying to cover the home maintenance and repair stuff, the doctor's appointments and tests, the reconnecting to my buddies after too long an absence, AND the necessary calls and contacts trying to dig up some work that might allow me to spend more time in Michigan with all of you. During the time I was trying to get all of these things accomplished - you'll be happy to know that I have eliminated 48 of the 187 things that appear on my list - I was offered the opportunity to return to Alaska from July through mid September. Well, when you think about the fact that many people see Alaska as a vacation destination and are planning fantastic trips this time of the year, what could I do but say yes. My plan has been to fit in another 3 months of work this year so I figured it was a great assignment to fulfill a couple of those months and to see the things I missed on the first trip.
OOPS! AND to reconnect with some of my Alaska friends!
Meanwhile for those of you I haven't had the chance to speak to personally, thanks for all of your good wishes on the scan. The results have given me some sense of relief and the time to stop and look back over the healthy and exciting year I have just lived.
The End of Winter
It makes my heart sing. I am constantly amazed at the people who pass through my life who seem to make the journey so difficult. Sometimes I wish that for a moment they could experience the perspective that a major loss or a potentially fatal illness can suddenly bring. My friends and former clients know the importance I place on perspective. You can't leave home without it! Thank you for the support you have given me. I couldn't have done it without you. You never left me alone when I needed you the most. I am so lucky to have all of you in my life.I had planned to wrap up Alaska with the 10 things the "Last Frontier" had taught me but since I'm headed back I figure I'll just extend my learning curve. In the meantime the Shrink side of the Kitchenshrink has been getting a real workout since my return home. My stomach has taken a back seat to the cerebral storms that have been affecting my brain.
A quick road trip to Kentucky proved to be one of those visual and tactile feasts. The green rolling hills and endless white fences were soothing and hypnotic. Everywhere I looked foals were velcroed to their moms' sides constantly adjusting their little bodies to remain close to their security blankets. When I had the opportunity to get close to some of them I had to repress the urge to wrap my arms around them and bury my head in their necks. Their wild eyes and skinny legs made them seem so vulnerable. In what seemed like a moment it was over and we headed home driving through endless rain in a car that soon became much too small for three people.
The next leg was a quick trip to St.
Leaving Alaska
Joseph, Missouri. But first "bashert." Last week I was trying to explain the concept of the Yiddish word to someone who has played a very important part in my life. When it is used as a noun it refers to the one with whom you are destined to be with or your soul mate. This romantic or idealistic concept is a little too narrow for my tastes. I prefer the verb or the broader meaning of "meant to be" or "what will be will be." It seems to me one of the basic tenets of life - at least my life. As much as we try to control the people and events around us or as much as we work at orchestrating life, the reality is that the only control we have is over ourselves - our actions, our words, our behaviors, our choices, our thoughts. These are the things we can consciously manage and then "what will be will be." Every choice we make influences the events around us but exerts absolutely no control over the outcomes. For most of us it is difficult to give up that control - or even let go of the fantasy that we have that control! We keep thinking if we work hard enough at something that we can make things happen - that we can shape the future or we can make another person what we would like them to be. It is a lesson that many of us refuse to learn. So as a rule of thumb, if you're expending a lot of energy and you're not getting anywhere then it's probably not meant to be.Last weekend was a perfect example of beshart. I was headed to St. Joseph, Missouri to do what in my work is called an "On Demand" assignment.
Spring
I had been asked to provide a reintegratioon presentation - more military jargon. I dragged my tired butt to the airport where I headed down to the very end of Row F in one of the airline parking lots. A solitary figure, a man of my vintage, was standing next to his car waiting for the shuttle. He spoke to me but seemed a little on edge. I was too down to care but felt a little puzzled when he got on the bus, sat next to me, and said, "Are you sure you want to be on the same bus with me?" I shrugged. After all it was only the two of us and the bus was roomy.We were flying the same airline so we exited the bus at the same time. He paused, waiting for me to catch up, turned toward me and said, "I wanted to be facing you when I apologized."
By this time I was flummoxed and asked if he was sure he had the right person. He called me by name and said his memory was obviously better than mine. He claimed he had recognized me as soon as I had pulled up in my car. He was noticeably nervous but he went on. When he spoke his name I knew immediately who he was and what he was talking about. To give me a little credit, it had been twenty years since I had last seen him and the dark haired hockey player was now a steel gray haired man with the sinewy body of a long distance runner.
Of course a longer apology followed and, of course, we both knew exactly what he was talking about. I assured him that we had both been "flakey" at the time of the above mentioned bad behavior. We talked about our families, our jobs, and our medical problems - what do you expect when a couple of 60 something year olds get together? Yes, his memory was better than mine about some things.
Jack
We talked until our flights started boarding. We embraced, said our good byes, and turned to go.And that is beshart. What are the odds that on that day, at that time,in that parking lot, in that space, two people who had shared space years ago should meet by chance? That they should be given the opportunity to give back the gift of respect and renew a friendship that had been severed by some stupid thoughtless actions.
I flew on to Missouri pondering how strange life could be. I set my Tom Tom to a male voice with an English accent and fantasized I was on a road trip with Hugh Grant. That night I slept next to the Missouri River and was awakened regularly by the passing trains that made me feel like I was in a remake of MY COUSIN VINNIE. The next day I was exhausted and carrying around a heaviness I couldn't shake, my mind traveling faster than my body was willing to move. But work went off without a hitch and I was thankful to be someone whose work affords her the opportunity to block out everything in the world and focus only on the present. The POC was great and as I left made a point of letting me know would be asking for me again.
It was time to get back home because my GB/TB and golf camp were waiting for me.
I guess we all need an occasional refresher course on life or a compass check to get back on track and last week seemed to be one of those for me. Too often I evaluate things and then act on them more quickly than someone else might. But even giving something the old college try can't go on forever.
Ferns
You have choices. You can sit in your driveway with you car idling in neutral, revving the engine for as long as you want, but the reality is that you are wearing out parts, using a lot of gas, and absolutely going nowhere. And at today's gas prices this is just too costly an endeavor.Recently, someone asked me if I watched Grey's Anatomy. Although I'm not a regular watcher - they are waaaaaaay too neurotic for my tastes - because of my years at the hospital I am a fan. One of my favorite Grey's was a show that ended with the following thought. "Do we fall back on what we know or do we step forward to something new? It's hard not be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us. Guides us. Our history resurfaces time, after time, after time..... So we have to remember. Sometimes the most important history is the history we're making today."
Told you it was more head than stomach!
Kimberly, my airport buddy sent you a big Hello.
I didn't tell him that it was he who provided the
basis for the infamous "Dessert vs Vegetable"
pep talk that you would request for your
sorority sisters during their tumultuous
relationship struggles.
Hope you enjoy some of the pictures from my yard. The weather here in Michigan is just beginning to warm up.
Comments
Wise words from a wise friend
What a beautiful and descriptive tale! A testament to the old adage that with experience we gain wisdom. Thanks for sharing and helping me to get 'unstuck'. Hope to see you next week at book club.
Life as we know it
The pictures are beautiful, the thoughts are inspiring, it is like a good kick in the butt to realize that we have no control and we have choices all the time...thanks for the thoughts, you are amazing
annie