We decided to see some sights, so once again opted for the "free" transportation option and hopped on a train..
. Aha! Fucking busted by an undercover ticket bloke! Most staggering is that he went straight for us - the hapless tourists speaking english - rather than the locals. We were directed to exit at the next stop, which fantastically was our stop anyway (a small grace). Plan A was playing dumb, but we soon realised that they neither gave a shit nor spoke enough english for our charm to take affect. Perhaps this was the little quota of power in their lives. Snags was not involved in any further of the standard Team Plans. Instead, he opted for Snags' Plan A.1 which was to fold faster than an Origami Master and do as he was told. He coughed up ID, and happily took the 40 euro fine right in the nads. For the real Team, Plan B was to offer paying the fare straight up, but again they were not exactly moved to tears. We then played the "No ID" card and the cops were called. As we discussed fleeing the scene, 6 police promptly arrived and surrounded us. Obviously a slow crime day in Berlin. We once again pleaded stupidity to the cops (who were way cooler than the ticket nazis), but they explained that there is a protocol established with the rail companies etc etc yawn and that in fact we were going down to China Town. Escorted terrorist-style out of the station, the cop shop was located underneath, and was roughly 200 degrees celcius. Mark was elected to drive back to our hotel with the cops to retrieve our passports, leaving Brett and I to swelter in the slammer and joke at our hilarious predicament. When asked if we needed anything, Mark classically requested some beers but was met with stern looks. HOWEVER, as Mark turned away I actually noticed two of the coppers grin at each other - we were obviously making their day, and who can blame them for wanting to go for a little drive and get out of their hellhole cop shop? With Mark in the back of the paddy wagon I then learned that Brett actually knowingly had his passport on him (please note we obviously weren't worthy of strip search etc), so we were wondering how it would pan out when we got the call to say his passport was not at the hotel. The call came, and the acting was superb - "Oh shit I'll check my bag here", followed by a frantic searching of all pockets, followed by a look of surprise and an apology. Fortunately Mark and I actually DID leave our passports in the hotel, so we didn't get beaten for wasting police time. They copied our passports, took some fake addresses and then sent us on our way with a strong suggestion to pay the fines or a summons letter would be sent to our fake addresses in Australia.
Yes I know we had it coming, but what a day!
The day started pleasant enough. After waking up to a nice hot shower, we all piled into the Audi A4 Turbo Diesel and peeled off up the street to return it to the Avis hire place. After meticulously following the supplied map, we arrived at the parking lot which was now actually more of a construction yard. We parked out the front to consider our options, but were quickly moved on by police thanks to the nearby American Haus (or something like that). We found a nearby "no parking" spot, then headed off to find the Avis office. Naturally it no longer existed, but we were eventually pointed to a lady who was somehow moonlighting as an Avis car return representative. She gave us an alternative car park that actually existed, then we simply returned the keys and took handfuls of their complimentary chocolates before heading off for a snack.