How Laos Can You Go?
Trip Start
Aug 20, 2008
1
15
Trip End
Apr 14, 2009
Luang Prabang,
Lao Peoples Dem Rep
Thursday, February 26, 2009
The starting point of my journey here was the Thai-Laos border, where after a bumpy night of driving and very bleak hostel where I along with two bus loads of backpackers were dumped for a few hours sleep, the two day boat journey down the Mekong river to Luang Prabang could begin. The slow boat to LP is one of the big backpacker draws and its not hard to see why. Despite the less than stellar conditions onboard, this is one of those times when that old saying about the journey being as important as the destination really rings true. After a quick breakfast we were piled onto some very shaky looking boats and brought to the Lao border at Huay Xing, where we paid for our visas (this was to become a very common racket throughout South East Asia) Then after an hour long wait in the searing heat, where we stocked up on sandwiches and beer for the journey ahead, we were finally off to the pier. The boats used on the journey are former cargo boats which have been rigged out with the bare amount of luxuries - though it has improved slightly in that were treated to proper seats as opposed to the wooden benches which used to ply this route, thereby making our freshly purchased cushions a bit redundant! (ok when I say proper seats, what I really meant was some seats they`d ripped out of a railway carriage or aeroplane.....god only knows!!!)
Anyway once on board it was time for a nice leisurely cruise down the Mekong. And by leisurely I meant two full days of chugging downstream at about ten kilometres an hour. But that`s all part of the experience, where you could sit back, read a book, make new friends, drink your brains out, join in the impromptu sing song sessions and generally gaze in idle wonderment at the glorious sights along the river - including an absolutely kaleidoscopic sunset and of course the scene stealing efforts of the crew at one point to drag a very reluctant pig aboard amid much screeching. I`m convinced it was laid on for the tourists..... It was a chilled out experience par excellence. At the end of the first day we pulled anchor (so to speak) at a sleepy little village along the river called Pak Beng. Once we leapt ashore we were besieged with offers of accommodation for the night - a few of us opted for a hostel on the main (and only) street which set up back an earth-shattering €3 each.....though for once you really did get what you paid for! Later as we picked our way through the swarms of mosquitoes we ventured down the village for some food. The entire meal turned out to be one of the most unintentionally funny experiences in a long time. Suffice to say, while we were waiting for our food, the piped music consisted of a woman doing the most god awful Karaoke massacre of Ì will Survive`which was punctuated with loud orgasmic turns of howling ecstasy. The food barely made it to my mouth. It really was one of those moments, that the next time I hear the song I will collapse into a puddle of mirth and will have to rely on that reliable old cliche of ¨you really had to have been there´.
The next day after we depleted the village`s population by 98% with our exit, we were back on the boat for another day of idle wandering. About nine hours later we finally made it to Luang Prabang, the only settlement we had seen along the river bank on our entire day`s journey. While the Laos government is building a paved road to bring people from the Thai border, this will still remain the transport option of choice for most travelers (though beware of the `fast boat`options to get you there - only someone with a deathwish would risk the one day white knuckle ride, sans life-jackets naturally!) Accommodation was eventually found, though the notices on the back of the door made for very interesting if slightly disturbing reading. Get this one for example:
5. Do not any drugs, crambling (sic) or bring both women and men which is not your own husband or wife into the room for making love.
How very Free Presbyterian. Though much more alarming was the following warning:
6. Do not allow domestic and international bring prostitute and others into your accommodation to make sex movies in your room, it is restriction.
You have to wonder if they are asking this because it already took place there?? I checked the sheets thoroughly before turning in.
Luang Prabang itself was an absolute revelation. Thanks to it`s French colonial past the town is like a quaint museum of timeless Gallic elegance. Apart from the trundle of tuk tuks and the sight of Buddhist monks in their orange robes you could almost hear Edith Piaf serenading you as you walked around the town. It was seduction at first sight. Apart from the sublime colonial architecture, there was the unmistakable aroma of French fusion cuisine in particular some real coffee. After a long famine I was once again able to enjoy cafe au lait, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants for breakfast. All the the delightfully named Cafe dÒr of course. As if all this Gallic gastronomy wasn´t enough you could hire a bike and take a quiet spin around the town for the day, which I did of course. Naturally you are presented with a French bicycle complete with front basket. All I was missing was a baguette and a poodle trotting alongside me and I could have cycled off the pages of a Seurat painting!
I spent two full and very happy days taking it very easy there. It`s the only option really, especially as electricity disappears after 11pm (so forget about any wild or extravagant partying right now). At night there`s a really charming and very well stocked market selling a wide array of crafts, linen, jewelery and clothing, in particular the ever ubiquitous Beer Laos t-shirts. Now let me tell you about Beer Laos. It is the golden nectar of the gods, an earthly proof that they love us and want us to be very happy. It`s beyond good. My taste-buds are weeping as I type this. If you ever go to Laos (and god knows you should) go, drink and be very happy. If that wasn`t enough, you can do all of the above for a song. You`ve heard it here. Laos is cheap, cheap, cheap. Though the local currency, the Kip, does take a bit of getting used to, especially with a current exchange rate of €1 to 10,000 kip. It meant every time I went to an ATM it was like hitting the jackpot at a Vegas casino. Food bills looked like World Bank statements of Third World debt....you get the point!
When it was eventually time to leave, I decided to take myself off to another backpacker hotspot, Van Vieng. Unfortunately the local bus service had a different idea. After it canceled the morning bus due to a lack of passengers or something, we eventually hit the road six hours later only to stop in an outlying village while the bus driver and other staff worked on one of the back brake pads. I should have said ¨worked¨. It was like early man staring at fire. They didn`t have the slightest inkling what they were doing, so naturally myself and some of the other travelers, including a couple of Irish girls busied ourself with a trip to a local shop to stock up on god`s favourite brew. It was a wise move. Two and half hours they arsed around before eventually declaring the problem solved. Which of course meant that my 6pm arrival time had now morphed into a 3am arrival. Being big fans of curfews in Laos everywhere was of course shut, so myself and a hardy band of travelers who hadn`t booked anything drove around in a taxi knocking on hostel doors of this dusty frontier town to see if anyone was awake and if so, had they any free rooms. One very frustrating and soul destroying hour later we finally secured a bed. The upshot of all this was that I decided to keep moving the following day and make my way to the capital Vientienne to catch a flight, which meant I missed out on another of those great Laos backpacker staples - Tubing!!!!! It`s Van Vieng`s primary draw and for the uninitiated, tubing is essentially bombing your way down a river in an inner tube or tyre - with multiple stops along the way to stock up on shots, drinks and anything else that they can put alcohol into (have a gander at this www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JJZwPLWWIY ) Of course it`s all highly dangerous and wreckless, which is exactly why people travel half way across the world to stare down death in an inflatable tube pissed as a pickle. Alas dear readers, I decided it would be best to keep my head out of a sling and make my way to the capital, though I did get to spend some time in the town which is as close as you`ll ever get to one of the original Wild West outposts. It really looks as if it`s been thrown together overnight with a bit of plywood, though anywhere that can offer you an adrenalin rush booze marathon along a river and all you can watch episodes of Friends and Family Guy can`t be all that bad. Next time, it`s definitely top of my list!!!
Which brings me onto Vientienne. After the craziness of Van Vieng, the capital was a complete contrast. Leafy, elegant, ever so French colonial but good god was it boring! I mean brain numbing boring.
oiqprljtw
I`m so sorry I just fell asleep thinking about it and my head hit against the keyboard. It`s as if the life has been sucked out of the place. Sure the food is good and you can sit down at a cafe on the banks of the Mekong watching the sun dip below the horizon but at that point you should be too brain dead to care. It`s a yawnfest, though I did hear of a very funny story about an American tourist who had to go to the local A&E after one of the local tranny hookers took offence to some remark he made and beat him senseless with her handbag. It`s a sad reflection on any city, that the only excitement you can look forward to is being assaulted by a gender confused street walker.
Apart from that the other notable thing about Laos was the huge amount of Irish people I keep meeting. Whether it was on a bus, asking someone for directions on the street or even in hostels and restaurants, the place is over run by Paddys. Never in my whole life have I ever met anyone who even discussed Laos let alone expressed an interest in going there - clearly the cat is out of the bag, so get here before we have the place completely destroyed (btw kudos to the person who commented on my Facebook status, wondering why I noticed that everyone had discovered Laois? your day will come Laois, it really will.....)
And so that was it. Possibly one of the most amazing countries I have ever visited and regrettably an all too short visit, but I am determined to go back there. It really is a gem of a country and the south, in particular Pakse and the four thousand islands are apparently a jewel in the whole of South East Asia. It`s a quirky mixture of European colonial influence and an unbelievably laid-back Asian way of life (you actually have to wake the tuk tuk drivers up) but most of all it is incredibly beautiful and hasn`t been laid waste by tourism - just yet. My only fear is that as more and more people discover Laos, its unique unspoiled character will be tarnished forever so the sooner you get here the better. Next I was off to Vietnam, but first I had to survive a flight with Laos Airlines - an airline that prides itself on having one of the worst safety record of any in the world. But that`s another story.....
