Organised Chaos

Trip Start Oct 01, 2008
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Flag of United Kingdom  , England,
Tuesday, September 30, 2008

"How am i supposed to squeeze all of `That`into there" i found myself saying over and over again two hours before i was meant to leave Newcastle. i had been storing up equipment and little piles or `stuff` for over a good few months, but it didnt look like it was going to fit in! i had it laid all over my floor, mumsie bear was just leaving me to it, and lukey b, my angel, was loading up music and pics for me to cry over onto my mp3. found out that there may be some conflict on decisions for songs played at the wedding eh lukey? he thinks my taste in music is poop. he`s just a music nazi! (lol!)

the real target of this task: we were really trying to keep busy as not to cry again. oh, young lovers eh!

one of the many questions i asked myself: will i need more than 3 pairs of socks... or will my feet get moldy? will the little tube of athletes foot cream, prevail all nastiness that grows if i cant take my feet out of my walking shoes for the entire trip? will i need my little handbag. didnt put it in.. but yes, you do...good for just slipping to the market. will have to treat myself to one over here. what i have learnt is that i should have packed everything, yes my rucsac would have been very heavy (was 15.1 kg on scales in airport), but i will have found the use for my little straightners sarah and chris bought me... missing them already! (gutted Sarah!- you knew better!)

one of the hardest things i had to do was take off my beautiful engagement ring. under advice, it wasnt worth my safety wearing such a stunning ring to some of the poorest places on this planet. so sat in front of lukey we cried and placed it back in its box. he replaced it with a cheaper version, which i look at, touch and kiss regulalry since i have gotten here ( i feel closer to him that way- and like to think he is doing the same). i know i will wear it again soon. mum and dad will bring it across for the wedding i am sure, and i will be able to wear it again when i am in a safe, stable place.

on sunday my amazing familyand close friends got together at my mumsie bear and daddy poos house and threw a small gathering to celebrate our engagement, and to wave the flags off. i am so fortunate to have such a strong team behind me, but saying goodbye was very difficult. in fact i am crying right now at the thought that i am not going to see them again for so long. if you are reading guys: i love every single one of you! i felt very drained. but this wasnt going to be as hard as saying goodbye to my mum and dad, and lukey b at the airport.

i honestly thought twice about getting on that plane. i have been planning this since i was 6 (first school project on brasil), but i could wait 6 months for lukey couldnt i. no! i heard my self reply, i have waited before, and i need to do this for myself. shelfish, i know, but sometimes, you just have to be strong. we had spent every last second with each other. mum and i had been having some lovely days out here and there, dad had given me a fair few hugs which i will always hold, and well lukey and i had been walking round in a love bubble for a long time.

so i felt lost. mum and dad walking away i called out that i truly loved them. i hope they heard me, if not, that they know in their hearts.
why does time fly sometimes, i truly didnt want to have to go to the check in gate, and i cant put into words how hard it was to leave my love. but i know he will be here in 6 months... i must stay strong i told myself as i crawled to the gate. is this truly what i want to do? yes... bye my love, bye my family, bye my friends... i will see you all soon
x
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