A Deep Breath Before the Plunge

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  Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Wednesday, July 9, 2008

It's after 2.00a and I have just finished the majority of my packing. The past 4 months since the last entry have been full of life, but not until the last week has my life been full of this trip. Last-minute preparations took over and I've been scrambling around town picking up nearly-forgotten items, checking ticket information, and copying important documents.

I feel prepared. I feel as prepared as I can be. I've researched, planned, conversed, and purchased. I've booked, questioned, connected, and decided. Still, in spite of all that, these past 2 days I'll suddenly become overwhelmed with excitement and trepidation. I'm finally, finally starting out on this dream, but am I ready? Is there something I've missed? What will I do if...? I credit myself and recall improvisation and communication skills I know I possess, comforted believing that, no matter the situation, even if I have not imagined it, I'm fully stocked with the skills I need to get through; I tend the think the worst and require thoughts thunk through it to move on. Lying in bed in the morning, I crawl back under the covers to savour these thoughts, as they are as close as I'll be to lands overseas until the next endless days pass and I've landed in a metal tube that has screeched across the skies.

I know that it will never be enough to match my imagined adventures, and, at the same time, be so much more than I could ever know. To be in the mind-frame to expect that which I cannot expect is my idealized state. Whatever comes will be perfect and will be it.

I'm glancing at my bed, the last night I'll spend in it for 6 weeks. I look around my apartment (I should have cleaned it more thoroughly) and take it in. Part of me is stalling because I believe I'll have a difficult time sleeping (or will be disappointed on some level if I don't). My eye falls on my backpack, and I hope it will barely come in under the requirements of a carry-on, because to potentially lose my luggage as I just begin my trek is just one of many fears (each one I've thought through and created some sort of make-shift solution that will completely inapplicable were the problem to actually manifest).

I will get up from my computer, grab a glass of water, brush my teeth, and crawl into my twin bed, and the next time you'll hear from me, I'll be on a different shore, in a different time, waist-deep in the adventure.

-Justen

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