La Boda
Trip Start
May 07, 2004
1
16
64
Trip End
Jun 27, 2006
Peterborough,
Ontario,
Canada
Monday, November 15, 2004
A lot has changed for me since. But not that much.
"How do you feel about your little brother getting married?" a lot of people ask me. He is four years younger, after all. I feel all kinds of things about it. I'm not going to get into them. I usually say that I'm glad it's not me. Which is true. Mostly I'm happy and hopeful for them. Plus I've always wanted a sister, it was nice of Greg to give me that :)
So it's been six months since I flew into Toronto. Less than excited by the prospect of not travelling any more
01_The happy couple and me
. Afraid that I might get stuck here.And this week I move somewhere kinda permanent. I'm not stuck, per se, but I really can't see leaving my job for the unknown, no matter how desperately I think I want to be volunteering in an orphanage in Mali. Or meandering around India for months on end. Or becoming a regular at some local deli in NY.
It's partly the debt that keeps me here. But I could be teaching English and paying that back from Japan or Poland, just like the newlyweds are going to do.
I like what I do. And for someone who had a small obsession with pandas as a kid, where else could I dream of working? But I think that the real reason I'm working in marketing at all, the real reason I didn't stay in Rio and work at a hostel or English school was my desire to be successful. I say I like marketing. It does use enough of my brain to keep me interested. It's reasonably easy to convince myself that I am working towards saving the world (at least until I figure out how to _really_ do that), which seems to be important to me.
Doing interesting work
02_ Me and my mommy
. Feeling like I contribute to society. Being available for people I care about. Doing interesting things, including travel and a cool job. Being unique. I think I want to be able to look back and say - I did what I wanted to do, and I'm proud of all of it. I made myself happy and I am interesting.
I guess a lot of people have those desires to some degree, but we go after these needs, and fulfill our goals in our own way.
I like the fact that I'm the Senior Marketing Manager at a charity. As I keep saying, however; part of me wishes I was doing it in some faraway land.
So I came home with the intention of leaving again. But I think I would have needed some sign telling me where to go. And not have had this job land, and plant itself firmly, in my lap. Is there such a thing as fate? If so, I guess, this job is meant to be.
So why do I find myself wondering if I'm doing what I _should_ be doing? I'm relatively sure I'd be wondering that if I was in Barcelona, away from all my friends and family who are getting married and having babies!
Who knows...maybe I _should_ be a gypsy again. Generally, though, I think I'm right where I _should_ be for now.
If there were no struggles in life, it would be rather boring. All we can do is our best job at making ourselves happy.
