Final Thoughts on India

  Mumbai (Bombay), India
Tuesday, December 18, 2007

India, I apologize if at times my blog sounded cynical or cranky.  You just wore me out some times.  I'm tempted to go back and edit some of the entries but I think it's best to leave them as is, reflecting whatever joy, mystery, or angst you brought me that day.

If I had more time, I would have loved to explore Bombay more, to relax in Goa and Kerala for a few months, and to spend a few weeks sipping cold coffee in Indian Coffee Houses.  I really should tell you, India, but there's a somewhat big company called Starbucks selling the same exact thing, calling it a 'Frappucino' and charging $4 for it instead of 10 rupees.  There's doesn't taste nearly as good, though, and they don't have segregrated sex dining rooms.

label still on door (nice right bicep)

Amongst the many things that I wondered about while I visited you, was, why doesn't anyone take the labels of mirrors, doors, toilets or sinks in India?

And everyone gives you a hard time for all your paperwork. And so will I. For example, what was the point of making me get a permit at the Bengal Tourist office to visit Sunderbans on a trip organized by the Bengal Tourist office? I mean, I got the permit at the office, then came back to the office in the morning to go on the trip, and, turned the permit back into the same office. What was the point of that?

One for India, one for Australia

You are the craziest country I have ever visited.  You displayed the most amazing contrasts I have ever seen, host the most religious people I have ever experienced, have the dirtiest streets in the world, and those streets are full of fascinating smart, clever and entertaining people.  I miss it.  Australia seems boring in comparison.  (Safer, though, and quieter, and cleaner, but boring).

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praying outside Calcutta mosque

Mom, there are a few stories I waited to share until I left: 1. Before I arrived in Calcutta, there had been some riots outside the main mosque next Mother Theresa's nunnery because some Muslims wanted Taslima Nasreen, a controversial Bangladeshi author, to get the hell out of Calcutta.  I only realized it when I walked though riot police and Muslims praying in the street on the way to the nunnery.

Nandigram protest

2. There also had been some recent riots and murders in an area called Nandigram that I went through on a bus.  Luckily all that I witnessed was a demonstration blocking the street for 3 hours.

3. A bomb went off and killed people at the courthouse the day before I arrived in Varanasi.  Some terrorists retaliated against public defenders who refused to represent them. 

And, 4, there was an earthquake near Delhi the night I arrived. For awhile there I felt like catastrophe preceded every place I visited.

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I ask that you no longer call me Jeff or Kirby.  I forgot to add to the Sunderbans Tiger Reserve blog that on the boat cruise the (incredibly useless) guide always got my attention by calling me, "Sir Please Sir."  That's the only name that I respond to now.  Please take note.

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Looking back through my journal just now, this day made me laugh out loud:

November 15 
Day Pelling  Sick :(
Slept all day, or threw up.

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I've heard many people complain about waits in airports in the US. You haven't seen nothing. And you have hot fudge ice cream sundaes around every corner in an American airport.

To make you appreciate the speed of US airports (not too mention the abundance of ice cream sundaes), I documented every stage from the moment I stepped out of the taxi to the moment I sat down in my seat in the airplane at Mumbai International Airport.

Start by walking to the door of the arrivals lounge. Wait in line to enter door. Present ticket to police at door to gain entry to arrivals lounge. Ask around to figure out which X-Ray machine is for Malaysia Airlines. Wait in line to have check-in luggage X-ray'd. Wait while check-in luggage is scanned, tagged, and strapped. Reclaim check-in luggage and wait in line at ticket counter. Turn in ticket, show passport, get boarding cards, check-in luggage. Fill out immigration departure card. Wait in line for immigration. Turn in departure card, show boarding ticket and passport. Show immigration officer which stamp is my arrival stamp. Immigration officer stamps passport, boarding pass and departure card, returns passport and boarding pass. Wait in line at exit of immigration lobby. Police at exit of immigration lobby check that I received a departure stamp on my boarding pass and in my passport. Wait in line to enter security room. Present boarding pass again. Airport official scans the bar code on boarding pass, returns boarding pass. Enter passenger security lobby, wait in line. (British guy says to me, this is fucking insane. Not insane, just India, I reply). Place carry-on luggage on X-ray, walk to metal detector gate, wait for OK from police, walk through metal detector. Get frisked and scanned again with hand held metal detector, present boarding pass to police who stamps boarding pass. Return to X-ray machine, wait for another police officer to tag and then stamp the tag that he just placed on my carry on (why not stamp the tag before putting it on the carry on?). Walk to security lobby exit, wait in line for police officer at exit to verify that my carry on has a tag, that the carry on's tag has just been stamped, and that my boarding pass has just been stamped. Walk to a waiting lounge, ask around for where Gate 14 is (there is no sign for it). Sit down outside unmarked door which is Gate 14. Wait for announcement to board. After hearing announcement to board, stand in line outside unmarked door for Gate 14. Airport personnel at the door checks my boarding pass. Walk from the lounge door to the entrance to the gangway (Bombay International Airport is the first airport in India that I've seen with operational gangways). Wait in line. Malaysia Airlines employee collects my ticket and returns the stub. Walk down the gangway. Wait in line. Police officer at the end of the gangway checks my stub (to make sure that, what?, I didn't sneak into the gangway through the air vent?). Enter aircraft. Flight attendant checks my stub again.

Sydney

Finally, 3 stamps, 5 police officers, 10 checks and 10 lines later, I sit in my seat. And this was much faster than Delhi's airport. Luckily Delhi's airport serves exquisite hot fudge sundaes in the waiting lobby.

And now I sit in idyllic Australia :)