Hong Kong - The Final Blast
Trip Start
Oct 21, 2006
1
31
Trip End
Feb 28, 2007
Hong Kong,
Hong Kong
Thursday, March 1, 2007
0000
I should really update on Auckalnd and my last day in New Zealand before coming on to Hong Kong. Three highlights that stood out in the day i had before i flew out:
1) Taking in the view over Auckland from the Sky Tower, 300m or so straight up.
The lift that takes you up there has a glass bottom and a glass front so there is no escaping the feeling of height as you ascend. The most interesting part though had to be watching the fat English lout who had been giving it some in the lift on the way up completely lose it when trying to walk over the glass floor panels on the observation deck. After a full 5 minutes spent trying to psyche himself up to walk over them he teetered on the edge, prodded a panel gently with his foot (while gripping manically to the hand rail) and then ran back to the safety of inner wall. His misery was complete when seconds later a boy who cannot have been older than 8 jumped up and down on said section while shouting and banging off the outer glass wall. Priceless
2) Eating Dinner down at America's Cup Village with a very camp Michael Barrymore and his lover.
I am not sure if having Michael Barrymore as a dining companion says good or bad things about my taste in restaurants. I had decided to spoil myself on my last night and had just polished off a bottle of champagne when Michael minces over with his very butch lover and makes a scene, hoping everyone would notice him. No-one notice him - I love this country more every day. Clearly taken aback by his new found anonymity he ate quickly and minced off, all uptight ego and high campery, while his companion followed on behind, looking considerably more miserable for the experience.
3) Strange American love in and communal shag in the Dorm.
I stayed in a crappy high rise Backpackers on my last night (never let it be said i am tight) and shared my less than spacious cupboard with 3 American guys who were trying desperately to look bohemian. I knew i was in for a difficult evening when they started to cane the Absinthe. We were joined later by a surprisingly attractive American girl who is clearly shagging one of them - which one i am not sure because whenever one left the room a different bloke would snuggle up to her and slag off the previous admirer. I woke about 3.00am to the sound of the long haired guy shagging her in the bunk across from me. Bizarrely i woke again at 5.00 to catch my flight and she was in a different bunk with some other guy. I slammed the door on my way out to register my disappointment that i had not been on the bunk rotation schedule.
HONG KONG - A HARD WEEKS RELAXING
So there is more to the place than my previous booze afflicted evening wanderings uncovered when i used to come here on business ! The seedier side of HK was just as i remembered it being, the rest of the island however was spectacular. I got in at 8.00pm on Chinese New Year's day and we quickly dumped our bags before heading out. I am a little embarrassed to say that i was too knackered to make it to the waterfront and so we saw the fireworks on the TV in a bar around the corner from Chris' flat (friend i went over to see). It looked great and i felt awful - flew all the way out here and tried to time it so i could see the new year in and then i sit and watch it in a bar. Still, i was too bloody tired to go any further and so forgave myself this momentous act of lethargy after about 5 minutes and a couple of beers. The flight was affecting my co-ordination as well as i twice knocked over the drinks - Chris was not so lucky the second time round and spent the evening with a conspicuously wet crotch. Still, this did not stop a large group of American women cracking on to us in the last bar we staggered into - well, i say a large group. The only one who actually cracked onto us was the really ugly older woman in the group who had clearly taken a shine to me - bloody perfect ! Chris laughed his bollocks off needless to say.
I had penciled in Hong Kong for a little relaxation to recover from the beating my body took in New Zealand before i headed back to blighty but Chris hadn't read the script and so we spent a manic 5 days tearing round the island taking in all the sights i had so miserably failed to see on my previous visits.
The most physically painful part (well, of the bits i am allowed to divulge anyway) was the walk over the mountainous interior of the island to Stanley bay. This walk from hell, Chris promised, was a nice two or three hour walk with scenic views. The reality was a sweaty slog fest through thick fog. There are three really painful ascents on the part of the Wilson Trail we walked - i could not breathe half way up the first, at which point Chris cheerfully informed me that a) this was the easiest of the three ascents, b) the full trail is 100km long and was run in 13 hrs by a team of Gurkha's once (i was on course to complete the 10km we were walking in about the same time) and c) Sarah regularly strolled this trail in under 2 hours without breaking step. I would have cursed him if i could have found the breathe but i was busy trying not to pass out at the time. My legs went on the second ascent and i could only manage 20 steps at a time before collapsing with wobbly legs that were on fire from having to carry my lardy arse. Stanley is a pretty enough suburb of Hong Kong but it felt like heaven after that walk - beautifully flat. We wandered through the market which was interesting enough and a famous tourist destination but doesn't hold quite the same fascination once they clamped down on all the counterfeit stuff they used to sell.
Far more interesting where the markets around Mong Kok which Chris and i explored. Despite getting our timing wrong and arriving as they packed up, it was fascinating to walk round the flower and bird markets. The flower market is an explosion of colour in an otherwise grey city and is full of frantic stall owners all competing for the same customers and determined not to let one go before they have bought a couple of tonnes of the stuff. The bird market was a less comfortable experience as you walk passed row after row of beautiful and delicate birds couped up in impossibly small cages. We hit the ladies market on the way back which is a lively street lined on both sides with stalls selling impossibly bad clothes as far as the eye could see. The place is heaving with people, though i cannot imagine anyone buying this stuff. The highlight of the market was some old Chinese guy i saw wearing what can only be described as a shocking pink terry towelling nappy on his head, which was twisted in a knot at the front for added decorative appeal. He didn't look to be doing brisk business - i guess everyone has their limits.
We took in the Fish Market in Aberdeen the following day, which is an incredible place to wander round. It is a wet market and the live fish and crustacean are all housed in giant plastic trunks lined up row after row. Every now and then one of the residents gets a little frisky and jumps out of the tubs, keen on doing a runner. Once you have selected a fish the kindly stall holder proceeds to bash the poor buggers head off the floor until it stops wriggling and then wraps it up all nice for you. We wandered over to Lamma island after this for a gentle stroll - the island looks decidedly less lovely now they have built a bloody great big power station right next to the picturesque beach. What is immediately noticeable when you get off the ferry is how quiet the island is - it is only then that you realise how in your face and frenetic Hong Kong is. It is like Keith Chegwin on speed.
THE SPORTING STUFF
Chris is a member of the Jockey Club here, who own the Race Course that is improbably located slap bang in the middle of central Hong Kong. It has a fantastic array of sporting facilities though it seems to be patronised by a bunch of frightfully proper middle age men with spread who look like they wouldn't dream of sweating in their leisure time. Chris and i clearly did not fit this mould as we sweated, grunted and pounded our way through a couple of games of Tennis. Fabulous venue for it - from the rooftop courts you look out over the race course and sports fields to the high rise back drop that is 'Happy Valley'. I dare say we did not make quite such a fine sight, Chris cussing and throwing a strop with every dropped shot and me lumbering around the court a cross between a tired old cow and a hysterical chicken. Not an easy impression to carry off but i managed it with aplomb. Not that i am competitive but for the record i thrashed him !
I was invited to join Chris and the Jockey Club Hockey Veterans (if that makes sense) on their annual golf day while i was there. It is played at an even more posh and uptight golf course just outside of Hong Kong which has a 24 yr waiting list ! It is a beautiful course though i suspect that will all change when the Olympics hits town and they appropriate it for the cross country horse racing ! Chris and i teamed up and after a faltering front nine where i might as well have been swinging my tennis racket, we made a charge to the finish. Well, i made a charge. Chris collapsed and built to a crescendo of girly stroppiness which by the last hole was so funny i fell over i was laughing so much. Despite his best efforts Chris and i won the team event and with that i guaranteed never to get an invitation to join them again. Much praise was lavished on me through gritted teeth. After the game we all headed down to Wan Chai for a few beers and the inevitable bump and grind action with the mainland prostitutes who ply their wares in all the bars down there. They are a terrifying bunch of women, expert at character appraisal and ruthless in their execution. Despite vociferous and repeated protests they clearly sensed a sucker and proceeded to bump and grind me into submission. I beat a hasty retreat when it all got a bit much and managed to get out with just bite wounds to my name.
Accommodation in Hong Kong is tight, very tight, the sort of tight that makes your ears bleed - i knew it wouldn't exactly be commodious but i don't think i had prepared myself for the hermetically sealed Tupperware boxes people live in here. Chris has a lovely flat but it is only 700sq ft - i had a bathroom bigger than that. It is never a good idea to stick two blokes, fueled with alcohol and curry in a place this small. I woke most mornings at 4.00 as i was still on NZ time, or at least i thought it was the time difference that led to the early rise - it could equally have been the snoring, farting, groaning old man whose bed i was sleeping at the base of. The nights spent sleeping in the flat were certainly intimate, though not in that good way !
Thanks to Chris for being such an energetic host.
Next stop Blighty >>>>>>>>>>> THE END
