Brisbane to Sydney and on to New Zelanad !!!!!!!!!

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  Sydney, Australia
Wednesday, January 24, 2007

BRISBANE - 4 WEEKS IN
The most telling example of irony so far came courtesy of Brisbane.  Went for a late walk round town on arrival and saw a flat chested miserable young lady on the door of Hooters, "the friendliest club in town" !
My first impressions of Brisbane are that it is a town in the process of being knocked down - a good thing most Australians will tell you.  Everywhere u turned the various (though not numerous) tourist attractions are amidst ambitious building sites.  Desperate for a bit of Kulture i visited the museum of contemporary art on the South Bank where they have dedicated a whole wall to a mural by some famous Indonesian artist depicting the city's transition.  I have to admit it was lost on me - looked like a kids painting of a flying robot's head.  Other than that exhibit, the museum was fab - as impressive architecturally as it was for its art.  Nothing much happened while i was in Brisbane (hence writing about museum).  I mooched around town, lazed by the artificial lagoon on the South Bank of the river (full of the buzz of hordes of kids dive bombing unsuspecting parents and total strangers), and ate out on the street while watching the world go by.  Spent a very painful half hour over dinner watching a tone deaf American busker with a voice like an amplified cross between an opera singer and someone who has just been swiftly kicked in the nuts.  He really only held the guitar for effect and instead directed his concentration toward producing a startlingly disturbing vocal assault on unrecognizable songs which was notable for being out of tune, out of time and delivered in short bursts every time someone passed by.  Despite all this Brisbane was a joy to be in and my favourite Aussie city so far.
SYDNEY - THE LAST DAY
Flew back into Sydney in order to catch my flight to New Zealand and gave myself another day to wander around and try to feel some kind of emotional engagement with the place - didn't work.  Spent an enjoyable couple of hours at an Aboriginal art exhibition with my Aunt, proceeded to eat and drink too much and then staggered round Cockle Bay to Darling Harbour in an attempt to sober up.  Nothing of distinction on the way, more was the pity.  That evening though we went to see Stomp's new performance at the Opera House.  They are the guys who burst onto the music scene with trash cans and brooms.  This latest performance had everything from trumpets made of funnels, to saws, glasses, oil drums, metal pipes, traffic cones, bicycle horns and glass jars.  It was a full on assault of the senses and a fantastic high energy performance.  Their best stuff was still the percussive pieces, which had you bouncing in your chairs.  If i am honest i am glad to be moving on to New Zealand.  Australia has left me a bit cold - amazing though it is i felt it lacked soul and missed both a bit of authentic character and some sense of identity / history / culture.
QUEENSTOWN, SOUTH ISLAND, NEW ZEALAND
Hot damn - this is the business.  I loved New Zealand from the moment i touched down.  I couldn't stop smiling for two hours.  Queenstown is on the edge of a lake that is smack bang in the middle of some very big, very rugged mountains and feels like a more radical Scotland.  It is also activity central and i was determined to do every dangerous, adrenalin packed activity they had in the three days i had allowed myself here.  So here goes:
Day One:  'Awesome Foursome' consisting of Bungee Jump (134m), Jet Boat (80km/hr), Helicopter and White Water Rafting (Grade 4+).  The bungee was every bit as terrifying as the others which was a relief.  I wore the T shirt i got when jumping in South Africa (highest in world) to wind the Kiwi's up and it worked.  Got all the trash talk as i prepared to jump which did wanders for the adrenalin rush.  The Bungee jump station itself suspended on a metal rope over the canyon and you get to it by open air cable car.  Once on the platform the glass bottom does wanders for your nerves.  You get to peer down through your feet and watch other jumpers plummet.  I was expecting the Jet Boat to be a disappointment but it was anything but.  The boats can run in just 3 inches of water, which gave the drivers ample opportunity to get right into the banks and submerged obstacles.  We must have missed the rocky canyon faces by a maximum of 5 inches while hurtling down the rapids at 80km/hr.  They don't  run it in the rain because it hits your face so hard at those speeds it is like falling on a bed of needles face first.  Needless to say it rained half way through the trip.  The other notable discomfort came courtesy of the flat metal bottom to the hull.  Every time we hit a rapid it sent a massive percussive wave through my testicles, the pain from which was further amplified when i got airborne on one section and sat on them on the way down.  It is a good job it was raining so you couldn't see the tears.  I would liken the experience to sitting on a large kettle drum naked while someone in hobnail boots kicked the underside of it.  The helicopter pilot was called 'suicide sex' which boded well.  I have been on one of these before when the pilot used the air cushion from the rotors to bounce off the canyon wall and this was just as intense.  We dived and banked and heaved our way through the river canyon to the White Water Rafting point Vietnam style.  The G force was intense and we would have looked very cool indeed touching down in front of all the other rafters if i hadn't stepped off it and vomited all over the bank of the river.  So, on to White Water Rafting - very technical river with a string of big grade 4 rapids in quick succession.  Very exciting rafting, the highlights of which included; head-butting rock wall on one bend, woman in back breaking nose after head-butting her own paddle (don't ask me how she managed that), lady from the back row of the raft somersaulting into the front of the raft as we hit a standing wave and kicking the guy next to me in the face and having the back half of the raft sucked completely under us in one hole, along with our rafting guide.  All in all a bloody great adventure.
Day Two: Mountain Luge and River Sledging.  The great irony is that most people who end up getting injured in Queenstown do so going down the 800m concrete alpine track in a go kart.  I can see why as i mis-timed corners and flew over dips in the track as i attempted to catch some kamikaze pre teen nutter in front.  I reasoned that my weight advantage would assist me in wiping said opponent out but i hadn't figured on his total disregard for life or limb.  After a couple of hours of this i wound my way back down the mountain to go river sledging.  River sledging is just like white water rafting except on a boogie board.  What this means is a face full of foaming white water every time you hit a rapid.  I got mashed, sucked under, thrown backwards and generally pummeled for a good couple of hours.  Struggled to breathe at several points and was so tired from kicking against the river for two hours through rapids that i had to be dragged out of the last rapid, gasping for breathe.  This did lots for my sense of humility as the 12 year old girl next to me sailed on by merrily and the 50 yr old obese guy laughed his way down.  We finished the day with some toboggan thing down a metal slide into the river, a tow behind the Jet Ski and a rope swing into the canyon..   I had recovered sufficiently to get cocky on the rope swing and started offering helpful advice to others going before me.  It was therefore no great surprise that i distinguished myself by completing an impressive looping back flop and winding myself.  My humbling experience was complete when, while attempting to kneel on the board going down the toboggan run i hit the water off balance, traveled a maximum of 5 metres across the water and promptly did a face plant.
By this point i hurt all over from the exertion of the first two days i was close to tears on getting up for the third day.
Day Three: Canyon Swing and Extreme Downhill Mountain Biking.  The Canyon Swing (highest in the world) was a fantastic rush.  I went backwards on my first jump which was singularly terrifying and for my second got them to suspend me upside down over the canyon before dropping me (strangely much more sedate than the first jump).  I was convinced it was not possible to bike down the Mountain trail we hit in the afternoon.  Damn it was practically vertical and at several points required biking down near vertical rock faces into rivers (okay, streams but they looked like rivers when traveling at speed).  I could barely stand on the pedals by this point, my legs hurt so much.  We did the trail twice and i picked up considerably more courage and speed on the second run.  Mis-timed my exit from one rocky section while traveling at speed and flew into a thorn bush, followed by my bike.  Undeterred i pushed on and then wiped out in said river section.  Massive fun - would recommend it to anyone who was no regard for the continued functioning of their legs or the state of their genitals.
Following all this exertion i spent three hours horizontal in the hostel lounge racked with pain but with a big arse grin on my face.  I am still suffering from the exertion two days later.
Soppy bit  - i was so overawed by the landscape and the soul of this place while driving up to the head of the lake and into the mountains around Paradise (a real place), i spontaneously burst into tears with a mixture of joy, love for all those i hold dear and loneliness.  Genuinely cannot remember the last time i cried.  It is a hugely moving place and has come at the perfect time for me.      

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