Before you read this entry, take a guess at what you think the hardest thing to get used to in Africa is for an American (this one anyway). The heat? The poverty? Being the only white person? Seriously. Think about it for a second. An American specifically, but it applies to other Westerners and it seems to me a lot of Asians, too...It's the thing that's hardest for me to adapt about myself right now. But it's also my favorite part of being here. Okay, got an idea?
Time. Yep. The single most important thing here is relationship. Family, friends and community matter infinitely more than work, even earning a living if "career" doesn't come into play, school, even be efficient in the work you have to do. That sentence I just wrote seems ridiculous in the obvious backwardness and should-be-unnecessaryness of it. But for Americans...think about yourself and people you know and how you spend your time (I include me!). I'll try to explain. It's absolutely expected, almost required-at the risk of offending or deeply hurting someone-that you STOP and greet a person, even a person you don't know if there's a reason (e.g. I've been outrageously greeted in street-side shops). In an earlier entry I mentioned the string of "Ça va"s that accompanies a greeting. Here's a typical bumping into someone on the compound (an African, mind you, with other Westerners we keep up our sad, "Hey" *keep walking*):
-Bonjour! *smile, shake hands-men and women alike*
-Bonne arrivée! *to person who just got there (i.e. the compound, the office, the ROOM)*
-Ça va? (How's it going?)
-Bien merci, et chez toi? (Fine thanks, and you?)
-Ça va. Et la famille? (Good, good. How's your family?)
-Ça va. Et chez toi? (Fine. And yours?)
-Ça va. Et le travail ? (Fine. How's work?)
-Ça va. Et chez toi ?
-Ça va. Et la santé ? (How's the health?)
-Ça va mieux. Et chez vous ? (It's going better (no matter what). Yours?)
Etc., etc. depending on how much you know about the person...you can ask about wife, husband, kids, specific events, the heat...
Conversation MAY ensue - or - the "greetings" end with a farewell
-A tout à l'heure (see you later-even if you won't)
-Bonne journée! (Have a nice day!)
-Bon travail! (Have a good day at work!)
-Au revoir! *smile, shake hands again*
Now, this doesn't seem that complicated. A little song and dance. The thing is, you can't just say that as you walk by! It doesn't matter where I'm going, where I'm coming from, what I'm carrying, who I'm supposed to be meeting, what time it is, you STOP and properly greet someone. If you're two hours late to a meeting, you explain, "Hey, I bumped into so-and-so." And that's enough of an explanation! This is partly why government workers are so inefficient-they value relationship and put people and spending time with them, getting to know them, and honoring them by caring ahead of everything else! Now if there were a balance...
Today I ventured further in my brave "pause café" moment. I hate to invite myself to sit with a group of men, but if there's one I know that generally opens the door for me to talk to the others as well. So today I did! I met a guy who has his own hair dresser shop. I told him my hair's always a mess so I don't bother with it. He told me I should put my hair in dreads 'cause it's easier for white people's hair and doesn't take as long either. What do you think? He knows some English so we talked about languages...in two months I probably won't learn any Fon, Fulani or Baruba, the dominate languages here in Parakou (disclaimer: don't trust my spelling of those or anything!). As usual, he commented on the bizarreness of an American speaking French so well. People love this about me. Today we talked amongst four of us about the unfortunate lack of rain...in the south they're having problems with flooding and one guy said, "Those are the problems we need!" One man told the "true" story of someone digging a well more than 100 meters deep. Everyone agreed that was dumb because he'd run out of oxygen or what if it collapsed?! He explained the pulley system of getting out (as long as his buddies don't take off and leave him) but another guy added, with a gleam in his eye, "He must have broken into the core of the earth!" Other popular subject-Bénin's recent loss in football and who's to blame. But the most popular subject is God's faithfulness. How he's provided work for families. How he's made a way for someone to go to school. How he's healed someone who was sick.
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with might through his Spirit in the inner man, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you being rooted and grounded in love, may have power to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21
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