A Hard Day and A Lovely Night

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  Kathmandu, Nepal
Saturday, April 28, 2007

The other day I was having a chat with my headmaster and he was telling
me how one of the past volunteers used to come into his office and cry
because none of the kids would do their homework.  I laughed
because it's true, they never do their homework, but I was like "Don't
worry, I'm not going to cry over it or anything!"  The funny thing
is the longer I am here the harder things seem to be.  Yesterday I
guess I just reached some sort of breaking point.... It was my fourth
class of the day, class 7, and they were just being so impossible, I
really did want to weep just standing there (I didn't though don't
worry!) .  The problem is, it's not just the kids.  Sometimes
they are bad and stuff, and mum you are right there is always one in
each class who you just feel like choking, but that's not the hardest
part.  It's the circumstances.  The principal and Rajesh both
talked to me about the way that Nepali teachers teach, that's it's all
rote learning and memorization and they want me to help them improve
the teaching styles (because I have had soooo much teaching experience
right?).  But everything is so unorganized. I can't plan any
lessons because I never know which classes I'll be teaching.  I
was supposed to be using one text book and now all of asudden they want
me to use another.  The other day I was sent to class 8 for the
first time, and not one of them even has a copy of the text book 
I was like what the hell am supposed to do here? I can't give them
creative writing assignments... At first I thought their english wasn't
good enough but it's not even that. They have never been asked to
anything creatively in their entire lives.  All they do is lessons
out of the book, and they all constantly copy off each other.  I
brought it up to the principal and he was like "yeah, you should try to
make them do it themselves." But they don't know how... I give them an
assignment and they all just look at each other and copy the answers.
And the text books are so old that most of them already have the
answers written in them!  Not to mention the text books are full
of grammatical errors and totally useless reading assignments, like one
hundred year old poems that use the words "doth" and "hath".  I
want to do my own assignments but I have to give them tests based on
the book and it stresses me out because they all do terribly! I try so
hard to make them understand the stories but then when I have them
answer questions they just copy them out of the book. They don't really
understand at all.  I try to tell them its okay to get some stuff
wrong as long as they try to find the answers themselves and come up
with creative arguments.... But it's no use.   I can't
undo  their last six or seven years of teaching where all they
have done is memorize poems they don't understand and re-copy stories
into their notebooks.  And to top it all  off, my principal
is like  "don't lecture them too much, just give them lots of
classwork."   And he always asks "did you give them
homework?" and I always say  yes though  I know only a few
students will do it.  I talked to my headmaster's wife who teaches
in the school too and she was like "yeah I know" but it's like I'm the
only who cares.  I know I am not doing any worse than what the
other teachers are doing, but I feel the pressure to do better.  I
keep telling myself that I am only a volunteer, and it's really just
for fun, and I should just try my best.  But I really don't feel
that my best is good enough. The kids complete the assignments in the
work book, and I put the red check marks in their books like I'm
supposed to, but I really don't feel like they are actually learning a
god damn thing.  It just makes me wonder what the hell I think I
am doing here...It's really hard to feel much satisfaction in what I am
doing.

Luckily it was Friday...and the weekend, though I only get one day
off.  Feeling thoroughly discouraged I headed into Thamel to meet
Amelia.  I had not seen her for two weeks since we were  both
sent off to our respective schools.  It was really great to have
someone to talk to who could actually identify with me.  Her
situation is a lot different but she has her own set of problems. 
She is allowed to teach whatever she wants but she has no text book as
a guide line.  And her classes have 45 kids.  Ouch... she was
pretty amazed that my largest class was fifteen.  So I guess there
are somethings to be thankful for.  We were both dying for a drink
and to indulge a little after all our hard work.  We had a few
beers then hit up this steakhouse she had heard of.  Ya, that's
right, a steakhouse in a country where it is illegal to kill the sacred
animal that is the cow.  Although Rajesh told us well sometimes
cows meet with "accidents" like "falling off a cliff." 
Whatever.  All I know was they had margaritas with real tequila,
draft beer and the best god damn steak I have ever had.  We were
in heaven, we just couldn't stop laughing!  After many drinks,
deserts, special coffees, etc we finally felt satiated.  And a
little better emotionally too....sure we used food and booze to solve
our problems but so what?  And the talk was theraputic too. 
It's funny, I wanted to come on this trip by myself, to be so
independant.  Well that's all fine and dandy until things start to
get rough and you really need someone to lean on.  That's when you
really start to miss your friends and family.  I guess it all
makes you stronger though.  And you make new friends too.

We spent the night in a hotel room becuase there is no way we could go
home at midnight and drunk at that.... Our little room costs four bucks
and was like a paradise.  That bed was so soft I actually woke up
without a stiff neck this morning for the first time in a week. 
We were promised a hot shower which did NOT happen but oh well, it
didn't really dampen my mood.  And even when I was on my way back
and ended up having to get out of the bus and walk most of the way in
the searing heat, I still managed to keep a smile.  It seems a
band of chanting and flag waving Maoists had blocked off the
road.  Damn Maoists!

So now I am home, thinking of the next week, how I can do better and
trying to be as positive as I can. Tomorrow's another day......

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