Happy Holidays, my gift is an overdue explanation of how I ended up out of the jungle and on the Equatorial Pacific coast in the city of Bahia de Caraquez which I am settling into just fine.
In the Peace Corps. it is common to have a ¨honey-moon¨ phase as you enter your site and get to know people, your surroundings, and get settled into a new home on the beach front (NOTE: not everyone gets a home overlooking the bay and yachts in PC ). I am going through that very phase right now for the first time in month four of my service. It helps me that I am in such a comfortable place, relatively, after probably the most difficult period of mental pressure I have ever had to undergo, Life in the Amazon Rainforest.
How can I talk about this without hurting anyone´s feelings...
Let me start by saying that I couldn´t cut it as a Poster Boy Peace Corps Volunteer... and this is my fault for not knowing that ahead of time. I joined Peace Corps to live the kind of crazy life, away from all that was familiar to me in hopes of bettering those that I serve and possibly even more importantly, myself. I take the blame in not knowing enough about myself to know that I couldn´t pull off two years in an environment away from most of that stuff.
Immediately however, I never really felt as though it was the place for me. Before my visitation period, I was overwhelmed by the intrigue of the location and the opportunities of some small business ventures, working with community banks and spreading the sex education gospal into the jungle... This site was marketed well for my initial interests of joining Peace Corps also, ¨The Most Rural site in Peace Corps Ecuador and the furthest in the Jungle¨, ¨Accessible only by Canoe¨, ¨On the border of the Peace Corps Prohibited Province of Succumbus because of Drug Lords and Nude Cannibalistic Tribes¨, and the words of my PC Boss that ¨Whoever get´s this site is not coming out¨. Even as early as the visitation period however, I didn´t seem right there. In training we were all told that these are normal feelings for Peace Corps Trainees and young volunteers so I didn´t think anything of it. Therefore, I thought that I would get used to the constant haziness in my head and the daily question of how will I pass the time today and get to my two year commitment.
At the three month mark, I decided that I couldn't take another day of living like I was waiting for life to start.
There were simple inconsistencies that may have averted Peace Corps Ecuador from making this a ¨Test-Site¨ (as was coined by the boss in Quito) in the first place. The biggest one would have to have been the overwhelming amount of resources available to my Counterpart Agency, Yachana High School. In a school of 35 students, with 8 qualified teachers and 4 volunteers, the role of room checks and kitchen governor didn´t seem sufficient for two years of my life and service. And there were opportunity killers that I just couldn´t deal with anymore. With constant restructuring of this boarding school deep in the junble thanks to the involvement of the government, only accredited teachers would be able to teach in the future, and with my beloved computer class pulled from my daily schedule along with that being my only real contact with the busy students who worked from 7 am to lunch, and then had classes to 4 pm, and then had a bit of time for R&R after cleaning before dinner which was just before the much needed time to finish homework before they could get a wink of sleep before their 5:45 wake up call for breakfast at 6 am the next morning (RUN ON SENTENCE OUCH); I was forced out of roles that I looked forward to teaching, and filling my time.
I could go on, but it doesn't matter. All in all, I couldn´t cut it. The blame lies with me and the selection process because if a more resourceful volunteer was to arrive, perhaps he or she could have worked through those barriers and been the most productive and happy volunteer in Ecuador. I couldn´t be him in the circumstances provided.
I did gain a lot from living out in the Amazon jungle where people pay a small fortune to visit. It was such great opportunity to see a different way of indigenous living and I probably wouldn´t be enjoying the small things like cooking for yourself, eating a PBJ Sandwich once in a while, going for a jog without knee-high boots, or just enjoying a cool breeze without three months of living in such a staff-infection proned area. It was all a difficult challenge in the moment, I gained great experiences to reflect on, but now I am moving on.
For the last week I have been officially working out of the Office of Women (Sounds better in Spanish - La Officina de Mujeres). I will be working with community banks, micro-credit loans and hopefully helping where I can with some small business ventures. I will also be assisting the office with the areas main issues of violence and AIDS prevention. As options abound here in this city for sure. As I write this I am hurrying to finish in time to grab a bite to eat before I need to meet up with a man who is interested in showing his cleaning solution that he bottles in hopes of doing something more with it... this opportunity comes from a simple conversation on a short bus ride.
Also, the organization provided by this site is something I love and think I needed. The feeling I have is more of a college graduate in his first real job, rather than a college graduate in the Peace Corps. lost in a book, hanging on a hammock, with a few days to prepare his next presentation on puberty... I even have a real, demanding boss who is willing to work with me, and will tell me when I messed up in getting a phone number from an important contact and such... so much for being the Peace Corps. poster boy, right? Perhaps Beach Corps. better suits my where abouts.
Alright, I don't know if this entry is even worth posting now that I have spent close to an hour writing it.. But this is what is on my mind today and I just thought I should vent some of these thoughts and excuses, hoping to explain to those interested why I took my life into my own hands.
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